Teen refuses to talk about schedule and then yells when no one can drive
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Anonymous
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DC is really difficult and won't make time to talk about their schedule and make sure it fits with everyone else's so that everyone has rides and it's convenient to the parents' work. Then they freak out when they don't have rides or when they can't get an appointment they need because we did not schedule early enough. Any one else deal with this?
I don't know why I need to manage a schedule for a 14 year old like this. Shouldn't they be able to manage their own schedule and then tell me when to give them a ride? |
Anonymous
| If you calmly say I would have tried to give you a ride but I need at least a week's notice. If you tell me as soon as you need to know the ride I can try to work with you. Otherwise, I am busy. Your time is valuable too, and they need boundaries just like everyone else. |
Anonymous
| What are they scheduling? Appointments for things that matter like a aport checkup, tutoring, etc. I would work with them to get scheduled and arranged transportation. If they are planning to meet friends at the movies and then melting down bc they didn’t plan transportation then that’s another matter. |
Anonymous
You need a week's notice to drive your kid somewhere? |
Anonymous
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In my experience, 14 year olds still needed some guide rails around scheduling/logistics planning type stuff. DS would make plans with friends but still needed to check with us to make sure it worked. We’d ask how he planned to get to/from. Sometimes he’d figured that out, sometimes not. We taught him how to use the bus so that would be a transportation option (already was pretty confident with metro).
As for scheduling appointments—we continued to manage doctors. He figured out and got himself to the barber. Helped him plan ahead for submitting applications for camps/forms needed around that. |
Anonymous
| No, a 14 yr old can't manage their own schedule. They're managing their hormones, their friends hormones, their friend drama, school, family, random stuff, and trying to keep track of school deadlines. They can't also manage their personal life. Figure out a way to help. |
Anonymous
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It's not OK to yell. The kid is probably yelling out of anxiety, but it's not an acceptable outlet for their anxiety.
At that age, my kid with severe ADHD was not reliable with scheduling. Since my husband also has ADHD, I was/am the only adult in the family functional enough to make a family schedule and figure out Who Goes Where When with Whom in Which car, and to adjudicate last-minute requests and conflicts. My kid without ADHD, who is currently 14, is not 100% but is making rapid progress. So... your 14 year old still needs help, that much is clear. If she has ADHD and/or anxiety, she also needs meds and therapy. She also needs to understand that listening to parents is an actual thing that happens, and if it doesn't, there are immediate consequences, even if she yells and throws things. |
Anonymous
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A fourteen year old freaking out is telling you that they’re not ready.
It’s okay for your strategy to be to let them twist in the wind for a while and get stronger, but it should be a strategy and not a source of frustration. |
Anonymous
| You need shared family google calendars. So the 14 year old knows the parents schedule and the parents can see the kid’s schedule. |
Anonymous
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Get it together, mom.
wtf is a 14-year-old doing that you don’t know about? Can you give an example? Are you saying you don’t know when their sports practices are ? are you saying you don’t know when school ends? Are you saying you’re so busy on the weekends? You can’t drive them somewhere or order them an Uber? Come on mom what the **** |
Anonymous
NP. If the kid is freaking out and creating issues, would suggest doing a weekly schedule every Saturday or Sunday that is written out on a whiteboard somewhere. Stuff will come up, but ideally teen will get better at it over time. And there's no shame in saying no, and eventually your kid will accept it. |
Anonymous
Mostly agree but c’mon, the dad is a basket case. Stop laying all the blame at her feet. But agree there is a gap or something missing. Give teen the tools to succeed. Work with your kid. |
Anonymous
Sounds like everyone in that family has ADHD and no one is willing to step up and make the extra effort. |
Anonymous
+100 |
Anonymous
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What is the 14yo doing that you don’t know the schedule?
My kid is only 12 but I know her schedule. I assume maybe get together with friends? I think at 14 I would expect my kid to ask me for a ride not tell me, or checkwith me before making the plan. Your kid sounds spoiled |