I don’t think it’s love.

[Anonymous]

DH says he loves me. But what he loves is the comfort being with me. Not always, of course, but he makes sure to correct me when my behavior makes him uncomfortable. After 15 years of marriage, I realized that he did not care and never cared how to make me enjoy the time with him. He never cared to make me O, can’t remember the foods I dislike, never tries to fix broken things around the house that bug me. He claims to love me, and I tell him it’s not the right word. He’s not a villain, nor does anything to intentionally upset me. He just dgaf. I can’t make him care. I feel defeated.

[Anonymous]

Wives are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. Always something to pick on.

[Anonymous]

Blame yourself for marrying him.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is love but he needs better training. He corrects you but do you correct him when he makes you uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wives are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. Always something to pick on.

Oh please. Yeah, the complaining about not fixing things around the house is a little over the top. But anyone would complain about their spouse not giving them an O. And after 15 years if your spouse can't remember what foods you don't like, it means they aren't really paying attention to you.

[Anonymous]

You can love but have low attunement conditioning and abilities. The things you are describing are how someone feels seen and heard.

Have you talked to him about it? If he isn’t defensive and is open minded it could go really well. It’ll be slow changing but just being understood in your needs will increase connection between you two.

If he is defensive it is still possible but will just take more work and likely time. You’ll need to learn how best to approach defensiveness and that it’s really about insecurity so speaking to him in a way to feels secure to him (basically affirmation and validation etc… same with anxious types).

This is emotional intimacy in a form and we don’t all possess it whether from lack of modeling or other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wives are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. Always something to pick on.

But in this marriage, the DH picks on OP if she says or does something that he isn’t happy with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wives are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. Always something to pick on.

Oh please. Yeah, the complaining about not fixing things around the house is a little over the top. But anyone would complain about their spouse not giving them an O. And after 15 years if your spouse can't remember what foods you don't like, it means they aren't really paying attention to you.

Don’t normal people when dating tell their partner to either step it up in the sack or you are out of there? Who not only continues to date someone but also marries someone and then puts up with it for 15 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can love but have low attunement conditioning and abilities. The things you are describing are how someone feels seen and heard.

Have you talked to him about it? If he isn’t defensive and is open minded it could go really well. It’ll be slow changing but just being understood in your needs will increase connection between you two.

If he is defensive it is still possible but will just take more work and likely time. You’ll need to learn how best to approach defensiveness and that it’s really about insecurity so speaking to him in a way to feels secure to him (basically affirmation and validation etc… same with anxious types).

This is emotional intimacy in a form and we don’t all possess it whether from lack of modeling or other issues.

Meaning he has a preference for how he wants to live, and your whole post is instructions on how to manipulate someone to be what they are not to serve your needs for babying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can love but have low attunement conditioning and abilities. The things you are describing are how someone feels seen and heard.

Have you talked to him about it? If he isn’t defensive and is open minded it could go really well. It’ll be slow changing but just being understood in your needs will increase connection between you two.

If he is defensive it is still possible but will just take more work and likely time. You’ll need to learn how best to approach defensiveness and that it’s really about insecurity so speaking to him in a way to feels secure to him (basically affirmation and validation etc… same with anxious types).

This is emotional intimacy in a form and we don’t all possess it whether from lack of modeling or other issues.

Thank you for your thoughtful response. He does have low emotional intimacy skills, but as I said, he is not a bad person. He is much, much better than when we started.

He is very defensive when I bring it up. It takes a total meltdown from me for him to pay attention. Once, he left me at the security check at the airport while I was putting my shoes back on and proceeded to the gate without me. He could not understand why I was so upset; he assumed I’d catch up. I was so hurt and so mad. Well, he almost always waits for me now, but only after that ugly scene at the airport.

With the fixing things around the house, there is one thing that really makes my life difficult that I need him to fix. I can’t do it myself (it involves some heavy lifting). The last time I called a handyman for an issue, DH got offended. For this thing, I’ve been asking for at least half a year. I need to throw a tantrum for it to happen, and I just don’t have it in me right now.

My problem now, is that I started developing crushes on men who are just attentive and kind to me. I am embarrassed that I crave attention. At work, someone patiently helped me fixed at issue after I asked one and I almost cried. I also notice how my parents meet each other’s needs, how my sisters have spouses who take care of them, and it makes me said that I am missing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wives are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. Always something to pick on.

That complain on DCUM. FIFY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wives are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. Always something to pick on.

Oh please. Yeah, the complaining about not fixing things around the house is a little over the top. But anyone would complain about their spouse not giving them an O. And after 15 years if your spouse can't remember what foods you don't like, it means they aren't really paying attention to you.

Don’t normal people when dating tell their partner to either step it up in the sack or you are out of there? Who not only continues to date someone but also marries someone and then puts up with it for 15 years?

I was very inexperienced when we met, and thought it’s on me to learn to O. I am also was (and I am, the) very much in love with him: he’s handsome, funny, and smart. Just does not care much about me.

We have a kid, I am not leaving. He’s an amazing dad, I have to admit.

[Anonymous]

I think most people who are looking at others outside their marriage start to find a lot of faults with their partner...and rewrite history a little to justify why its okay to look and think about other men or women.

I am not sure why you think he shouldn't say anything if something you are doing is making him uncomfortable. I think if either spouse feels uncomfortable, they absolutely have a right to voice that.

Some of your issues just seems like normal marital differences. Unless he is superman, you can probably find a way to make that repair yourself. There are many ways to leverage heavy objects. Seems more you want to leave it undone so you can be upset about it.

Have you ever done couple counselling? It seems a bit like you want out but want it blame it all on him. Would be worth some counselling to explore the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wives are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. Always something to pick on.

Oh please. Yeah, the complaining about not fixing things around the house is a little over the top. But anyone would complain about their spouse not giving them an O. And after 15 years if your spouse can't remember what foods you don't like, it means they aren't really paying attention to you.

Don’t normal people when dating tell their partner to either step it up in the sack or you are out of there? Who not only continues to date someone but also marries someone and then puts up with it for 15 years?

I was very inexperienced when we met, and thought it’s on me to learn to O. I am also was (and I am, the) very much in love with him: he’s handsome, funny, and smart. Just does not care much about me.

We have a kid, I am not leaving. He’s an amazing dad, I have to admit.

It is partly on you to learn to O. No one can be fully responsible for someone else's sexual satisfaction just like if he isn't 100% satisfied with you as a sexual partner, that isn't entirely on you - often both people need to work at it.