Do you judge yourself by your kids performance

[Anonymous]

I seem to be having a hard time letting go and not judging myself whenever my kids don’t do well. I get overly emotional over things and unsure how to handle in such situations. I do blame myself when its not my fault. Whether its sports, school or other behavior expectations. My kids are 13 and 10. Any suggestions? Please be kind.

[Anonymous]

Of course! Who doesn't judge themselves by their kids' performance?

[Anonymous]

Not if I want them to judge themselves by me. Everyone screws up or doesn’t excel in an area.

[Anonymous]

Also, judging yourself for anything just makes the problem exponentially worse. Just deal with the feelings, accept them and move on.

[Anonymous]

I guess a bit for behavior, but nothing else. My kid being good at school or bad at sports is about them, not me.

[Anonymous]

Suggestions? Therapy. This is not healthy for you or your children.

[Anonymous]

Of course, they are a reflexión of me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, they are the most important in my life.

[Anonymous]

I care if they’re kind, well-behaved, and try their best, stuff like that. If my kid isn’t good at sports or something, no, I don’t care about that.

[Anonymous]

It's a perfectly normal impulse, OP. I still feel that way and my kids are 19 and 14! I will probably always feel this way. But I keep all this deep inside and remind myself that they are their own persons. We are an ADHD/autistic family, so there's also that component to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course! Who doesn't judge themselves by their kids' performance?

Well-adjusted, non-enmeshed parents who have their own self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a perfectly normal impulse, OP. I still feel that way and my kids are 19 and 14! I will probably always feel this way. But I keep all this deep inside and remind myself that they are their own persons. We are an ADHD/autistic family, so there's also that component to manage.

It’s not normal. Narcissists who think their kids only exist as extensions of themselves think this way though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a perfectly normal impulse, OP. I still feel that way and my kids are 19 and 14! I will probably always feel this way. But I keep all this deep inside and remind myself that they are their own persons. We are an ADHD/autistic family, so there's also that component to manage.

It’s not normal. Narcissists who think their kids only exist as extensions of themselves think this way though.

You might want to explore why you're so intransigeant and rude.

[Anonymous]

I did when they were doing well. Now they are doing less well; I have stopped.

[Anonymous]

Yes they are a reflection of me.