Freaked out by my teen- what to do next

[Anonymous]

I would just wash it and move on. Our mattresses didn’t have mattress protectors and my teen often did his own laundry and washing of sheets.

He did it right on the sheets and his fluids soaked through into the mattress but we had only discovered when he was away at a overseas vacation trip a few years later and we had a guest visiting so I decided to pull the sheets to wash them before the guest came.

the mattresses was stained with multiple little round patches from all that activity directly on bed.

I said nothing to him but I guess it’s a common teen boy thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many possibilities here that aren’t sign of a problem or illness:

he was somewhere where he needed to hide the lube and grabbed the nearest thing he could find. He either isn’t aware it’s a valuable piece of clothing and that sister has been missing it, or is aware and does not know how to make it suddenly reappear again. Maybe, he doesn’t even really care.

He may have used it to wipe off after regular masturbation and can’t figure out how to get it washed undetected and so he just decoded to keep it hidden.

Another possibility is that he’s using it while masturbating because it’s soft and slippery. Masturbation at this age is totally normal as is messing around with different things (pillows, creams, clothing, textures, etc).

None of this makes him a threat, a danger, or even a bad kid. Maybe thoughtless towards his sister, selfish, but certainly no pervert. Bad judgement on the garment he grabbed in a hurry? Thoughtless towards his sister? Sure, but he’s got very age appropriate drives on his mind (and body).

Don’t humiliate him over this and don’t make sister hate him over it either. Get a new swimsuit, let him keep that one or just throw it away. Do not discuss with her OR him. Jesus the humiliation might make things even worse.

God, some you all are just hysterical. The sister fantasy thing is so overblown. Even freaking out about porn. I don’t love the availability of it and some of it is crazy. Porn addiction is also a problem but a teenage boy wanting to masturbate and watching occasional porn is not reason to lose one’s mind.

+1

[Anonymous]

9 pages in and OP never did say he jerked off into the swimsuit. But perverted posters just know this must be the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line: None of us know what is really going on.

I don't think you can jump to the conclusion he is fantasizing about his sister. I also don't think you can jump to the conclusion he isn't. Nobody knows. I think the issue is too important to guess. That's why I agree with the OP's decision to get a new suit....just in case.

We don't know if he just quickly grabbed something close at hand or intentionally took something that belongs to his sister. The details matter here--was the suit drying in the bathroom so he really might just have grabbed it in a hurry OR was it folded in a closed dresser drawer or hanging in his sister's closet? And I wouldn't take his answer at face value.

We don't know if this is the first time something like this has happened. Maybe it is; maybe it isn't. Have any of D's friends lost items he might have had access to? It may just be the first time he got caught.We don't know.

I think OP needs to talk to a therapist before confronting her son. She needs professional advice.

If possible, he should stay with his dad until OP gets professional advice.

I think a lot of people here need some professional advice and therapy. Jesus. Nothing wrong happened. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grownups know that bodily fluids wash out of clothes, sheets, etc. It's rare to be a parent who has escaped having baby pee or poop on them.

I would tell DS not to steal his sister's things, wash the suit, and give it back.

+1

+2. Wash in cold water in a lingerie bag, add Lysol Disinfectant to the rinse, let it soak for the recommended time, then hang dry. I’d absolutely have a private meeting with DS and tell him what I found and ask for an explanation. DD deserves an apology from you and her brother.

[Anonymous]

Your son probably is exploring his gender identity and getting aroused by wearing intimate feminine clothing. Like millions of men have like forever. There is just so much femme video out there that he’s probably viewing. Not sure how OK you are with him deciding that his identity might not be as a straight boy.

[Anonymous]

This is not a catastrophe and no one needs therapy because if it. I’m sorry you found this OP - it’s embarrassing. But it’s private and normal for a teen boy. Most likely he wasn’t thinking and just grabbed whatever was there. I’m sure there’s not some other twisted reason behind it being his sisters swim suit. A swim suit that is sporty and not sexy. Also, as a DP said, the suit is not ruined and can be cleaned. Think about all the bodily fluids we laundered when our kids were babies and toddlers. If this were my family, I would say to DD with DS in ear shot that the suit turned up in a laundry hamper and give it back to her. I would NOT confront DS about it. I guess I would put the lube back where I found it. It’s private.

[Anonymous]

Your son is master bating & using his sisters bathing suit in some capacity.

You & your husband/this child’s father should either ignor or
Have some sort of a convo w him on why he had his sisters bathing suit.

[Anonymous]

Way too much drama.

Wash the swimsuit, apologize to your daughter.

Tell your son not to take other people’s clothes.

Be happy everything is functioning with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree that this makes the suit unsanitary or unwearable. Just wash it. Twice if you want to.
And let your DD wear it.
Do not tell her where you found it. Lie if you need to. DS is definitely not going to contradict whatever story you come up with and he is certainly not going to tell her so she doesn’t need to know.

this is horrible advice, if she ever found out this would be unforgivable, yuck, total violation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I'm so sorry. This is a warning sign that he is at risk for sexually abusing your daughter. Ignoring this will just enable him to escalate his behavior. Any existing mental health provider he sees for his ASD needs to be contacted, and if he doesn't have any I would immediately contact a child psychiatrist and ask them to advise you. I would also immediately lock down any electronic devices he may be using and check the search history. It is very likely that he's watching porn.

And for God's sake, THROW OUT THE SWIMSUIT. I'm hoping it's just depraved male trolls suggesting that your child should wear something someone used for sexual gratification, and not actual parents of daughters.

These people are the people who cover up kids getting molested because it is inconvenient for them to confront the fact that their father/husband/brother/son is a predator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: it is getting thrown out and DD is getting a new suit in a different color. There will be no question that it is Not The Same Suit. Fortunately the original is sold out in her size. I’ll make up whatever lie I have to to explain to DD that it’s unwearable, I don’t care.

And yes devices are locked down but not locked down enough based on my late night sleuthing. I’m trying not to bring shame into this but I’ll confess anonymously so I can get it off my chest and parent better in the morning: I’m ashamed of my kid.

Send him to bording school. She deserves to be safe in her own bed and not have a pervert pawing through her intimate clothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

NP. I thought OP’s post was strange because the significant detail was lube and not that the swimsuit had semen on it. Honestly it made me think one of our usual fiction writers had visited this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are assuming some kind of sexual connection with the suit and that might not be the case. It could be that he took the suit purely out of spite of jealousy of his sister. And then used it to wrap the lube because he didn't want to use his own stuff. Might be totally separate issues. Sibling relationships can be very complex and there might be jealousy and resentment there. Just throwing it out there that it might not be as creepy as it seems. I would still suggest you explore their relationship.

Sexual abuse is very often more about power fantasies and less about sex. If he was just horny he'd jerk off into a tissue or a sock like a normal person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first off I’m so sorry.

Here is my suggestion..

Let DD know you miraculously found her swimsuit and that it must have slipped behind some furniture when you were folding clothes.

Do not mention it to DS at all.
Don’t make eye contact when you announce that you found it, don’t let on at all that this is a thing. Just happy news that you found it. That’s all. The end.

DS will know that this isn’t the whole story but he won’t acknowledge it or confess because the truth is beyond embarrassing. And honestly you don’t want to know and don’t need to know the entire story.

The good news (if there is any in this) is that it likely does NOT have anything to do sexually with your DD.
The two possible explanations are that he grabbed the closets garment in a hamper or off a drying rack to use as a “helper” to
Pleasure himself and it just happened to be that expensive thing and he didn’t want to confess to that.
And second possibility is that he is trying on the swimsuit for himself and is feeding a body dysmorphic fantasy utilizing this piece of clothing.

Either way—he isn’t likely to want to share that with you and it’s nothing to “confront” so just celebrate that you found the lost item and move on.

If he wants to confess at some point, he will. But I wouldn’t make this a hill to die on. It’s too volatile and unnecessarily embarrassing for everyone.

And when it happens again then what? And what about the part about him masturbating into his sisters clothing. This isn’t ok.

Where was this part in the OPs post?

It wasn't. Everyone here made that part up and it just never stopped. No one can actually read today, or yesterday, or the day before!

NP. I thought OP’s post was strange because the significant detail was lube and not that the swimsuit had semen on it. Honestly it made me think one of our usual fiction writers had visited this thread.

Maybe she was too shocked and disgusted to look for her son's cum stains, just a thought.