Girlfriend wants to quit her job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I share a home (mine) and we both work FT jobs. I make a decent amount more than her and she had been considering going back to school. I told her I supported her. She wanted to work PT, which I was on board with them, and then decided she wanted to quit to go to school to make things easier on her. I can afford it and was on board. She announced today that she is considering quitting school, but doesn’t want to go back to work right away. Her job is mentally and physically demanding and she needs to a break. I admittedly didn’t handle it well and told her to suck it up. People work jobs they hate everyday because nothing is free. She’s not upset with me and says that she can’t be a man who doesn’t support her. Who is in the wrong?

Did she read that stupid WSJ article about stay-at-home girlfriends having their moment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This forum didn’t make me break up with her - she broke up with me, but it confirmed where I felt the relationship was heading. I would have ended the relationship if she didn’t. I’m all for being a supportive partner and helping her bridge the gap to her next job, but I’m not interested in taking care of someone who has no plan and doesn’t know when they will go back to work. I want an equal partner, not a dependent. I will get over this relationship and move on.

She did have a plan.

A summer working on her injured body while getting certificates to work at home starting in the fall. But you did not put that in your first post so a lot of people didn't see that and piled on.

It's been two years and you haven't proposed and you are not sympathetic about her injuries. I am glad she broke up with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This forum didn’t make me break up with her - she broke up with me, but it confirmed where I felt the relationship was heading. I would have ended the relationship if she didn’t. I’m all for being a supportive partner and helping her bridge the gap to her next job, but I’m not interested in taking care of someone who has no plan and doesn’t know when they will go back to work. I want an equal partner, not a dependent. I will get over this relationship and move on.

She did have a plan.

A summer working on her injured body while getting certificates to work at home starting in the fall. But you did not put that in your first post so a lot of people didn't see that and piled on.

It's been two years and you haven't proposed and you are not sympathetic about her injuries. I am glad she broke up with you.

OP here. You must have missed my post where I said she took time off originally to focus on the certificates and then decided she didn’t want do it. Then it turned into she needed a break.

Her injury was over a decade ago and she had worked + been active this entire time. She does have a physical job but her injuries and pain are not debilitating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump her she’s using you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This forum didn’t make me break up with her - she broke up with me, but it confirmed where I felt the relationship was heading. I would have ended the relationship if she didn’t. I’m all for being a supportive partner and helping her bridge the gap to her next job, but I’m not interested in taking care of someone who has no plan and doesn’t know when they will go back to work. I want an equal partner, not a dependent. I will get over this relationship and move on.

She did have a plan.

A summer working on her injured body while getting certificates to work at home starting in the fall. But you did not put that in your first post so a lot of people didn't see that and piled on.

It's been two years and you haven't proposed and you are not sympathetic about her injuries. I am glad she broke up with you.

Are you a leech like she is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she ‘needs a break’ at 30 with no kids then she’s going to be a serious liability when life actually gets tough.

Agree with this.

Interesting. The toughest part of my life has been my childhood.

[Anonymous]

The "stay at home" girlfriend thing is a lot more common than people realize.

My step-brother married one. When they were dating and living together, she made it well-known to everyone that she didn't like to work. That when she got married, she wanted to have at least 4 kids and SAH permanently. She had an undergrad degree from a local state school, but would bounce from job to job. Long stretches of unemployment. He was making OK money (CPA), but lots of pressure from her that he needed to level-up. She was a classic "Daddy's Girl" whose parents were subsidizing her lifestyle until she got married.

There is a sense of learned helplessness in that dynamic. And it's immense pressure on my step-brother. It would be one thing if someone gave up a good career to be home with their children and banked a lot savings during their working years. But to basically be dependent on one man (Daddy) and get married to be dependent on another man all while basically putting in no effort toward working or financial independence....I could never respect someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know she deals with issues and pain but so do I. I can’t just quit my job because of pain.

I worry because her mom never worked. Even after her kids were in school and older, she never held a job. Multiple times her dad went through layoffs and she never got a job. Her mom is incredibly lazy ( her dad’s words) and I don’t want that for my life.

PT is a very physical job for anyone. Have you ever seen a PT who was over 50? There is a reason.

You should support her emotionally, if not financially. Telling her to suck it up is not kind

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "stay at home" girlfriend thing is a lot more common than people realize.

My step-brother married one. When they were dating and living together, she made it well-known to everyone that she didn't like to work. That when she got married, she wanted to have at least 4 kids and SAH permanently. She had an undergrad degree from a local state school, but would bounce from job to job. Long stretches of unemployment. He was making OK money (CPA), but lots of pressure from her that he needed to level-up. She was a classic "Daddy's Girl" whose parents were subsidizing her lifestyle until she got married.

There is a sense of learned helplessness in that dynamic. And it's immense pressure on my step-brother. It would be one thing if someone gave up a good career to be home with their children and banked a lot savings during their working years. But to basically be dependent on one man (Daddy) and get married to be dependent on another man all while basically putting in no effort toward working or financial independence....I could never respect someone like that.

Corollary to this is the SAHG who is masquerading as a fitness/yoga instructor. Teaches 1-2x per week, but it's not enough to support a person (they only make $30-50/class). Always have a well-earning boyfriend to cover the real bills. This one is pretty common in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know she deals with issues and pain but so do I. I can’t just quit my job because of pain.

I worry because her mom never worked. Even after her kids were in school and older, she never held a job. Multiple times her dad went through layoffs and she never got a job. Her mom is incredibly lazy ( her dad’s words) and I don’t want that for my life.

PT is a very physical job for anyone. Have you ever seen a PT who was over 50? There is a reason.

You should support her emotionally, if not financially. Telling her to suck it up is not kind

OPs deadbeat bum gf found the thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know she deals with issues and pain but so do I. I can’t just quit my job because of pain.

I worry because her mom never worked. Even after her kids were in school and older, she never held a job. Multiple times her dad went through layoffs and she never got a job. Her mom is incredibly lazy ( her dad’s words) and I don’t want that for my life.

PT is a very physical job for anyone. Have you ever seen a PT who was over 50? There is a reason.

You should support her emotionally, if not financially. Telling her to suck it up is not kind

How does he he do one, but not the other? She will have no job. She will not be contributing to rent, groceries, utilities, etc. How can he not support her financially in this scenario?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This forum didn’t make me break up with her - she broke up with me, but it confirmed where I felt the relationship was heading. I would have ended the relationship if she didn’t. I’m all for being a supportive partner and helping her bridge the gap to her next job, but I’m not interested in taking care of someone who has no plan and doesn’t know when they will go back to work. I want an equal partner, not a dependent. I will get over this relationship and move on.

You are a completely @SS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know she deals with issues and pain but so do I. I can’t just quit my job because of pain.

I worry because her mom never worked. Even after her kids were in school and older, she never held a job. Multiple times her dad went through layoffs and she never got a job. Her mom is incredibly lazy ( her dad’s words) and I don’t want that for my life.

PT is a very physical job for anyone. Have you ever seen a PT who was over 50? There is a reason.

You should support her emotionally, if not financially. Telling her to suck it up is not kind

How does he he do one, but not the other? She will have no job. She will not be contributing to rent, groceries, utilities, etc. How can he not support her financially in this scenario?

A good man would marry her and support her getting her education.

[Anonymous]

If genders were reversed, zero people here would be telling a woman to financially support a SAH boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I know she deals with issues and pain but so do I. I can’t just quit my job because of pain.

I worry because her mom never worked. Even after her kids were in school and older, she never held a job. Multiple times her dad went through layoffs and she never got a job. Her mom is incredibly lazy ( her dad’s words) and I don’t want that for my life.

PT is a very physical job for anyone. Have you ever seen a PT who was over 50? There is a reason.

You should support her emotionally, if not financially. Telling her to suck it up is not kind

How does he he do one, but not the other? She will have no job. She will not be contributing to rent, groceries, utilities, etc. How can he not support her financially in this scenario?

A good man would marry her and support her getting her education.

Why does a woman need a man to do this for her?