Teens on phone the entire time in a party - is this normal?

[Anonymous]

We were at a holiday party at a friends place last week and there were about 5/6 teen/tween boys. We were at the party for about 4 hours and the boys were on their phone the entire time. It looked like a group of 3 were playing some game together. This included the son of the host. He didn’t even say hello to other boys his age when they came in or make any effort to be a somewhat inclusive host. None of the parents seem to care.

It stuck me as very odd. Is this considered normal these days?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately I think it is for many, including my own. I took my college students out to a nice activity and could barely get them off their phones. I’m completely frustrated about it.

[Anonymous]

It is rude.

[Anonymous]

Not normal in our circles of both family and friends. But we have stressed socializing and being good hosts and eye contact, etc.

[Anonymous]

At a mixed adult kid party - yes some - especially for age 12-14. They are an uncomfortable and hide in their phones.

[Anonymous]

We do not let our kids do this (17 and 18). It is frustrating when other families allow this because it sets such a low standard.

[Anonymous]

It was 5/6 families getting together and this group was between 12-14. However, I have no expectation for them to interact with adults. I only expected them to interact with each other. My son was the only one airport a phone and definitely felt very left out.

There was another group of 8 year olds girls. They ran around, played games etc. I hope this is not what’s in store for them in 4 years..

[Anonymous]

It's really hard to get the kids off the phone and to engage. Kids just don't know ow how to even if you take the phone away.

Your best bet was to have an activity that didn't involve the phone and use that to get them interacting. With teenage boys I would have nerf guns, laser tag or something.

[Anonymous]

I think it can be normal if people allow it. We don’t and our friends don’t so the teen boys talk to adults, each other, or yes sometimes they turn on the tv at some point to watch a movie.

Expect more and they are perfectly capable of socializing. How do you think they will learn to socialize? In a case with rude hosts who let their kids do it, lesson learned leave your kid home next time. No need to bring him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to get the kids off the phone and to engage. Kids just don't know ow how to even if you take the phone away.

Your best bet was to have an activity that didn't involve the phone and use that to get them interacting. With teenage boys I would have nerf guns, laser tag or something.

The first paragraph is so odd to me. It’s not really that hard. Your kid won’t like it but it’s not hard. Plenty of kids can socialize just fine. This mentality that everything is just happening to you is not a great foundation for parenting.

[Anonymous]

It is normal in families where there aren’t boundaries and expectations on behavior. Some families teach their kids how to manage social situations, talk, be engaged, and others let their kids sit on the couch zonked out on a phone. I’m a hs teacher and you can tell the difference. I call the ones whose parents allowed the phone to raise them “blob kids.” They have no interests, no social skills, no conversational skills, nothing. They’re either staring at the phone or, if that’s not allowed, blankly staring into space. It’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is normal in families where there aren’t boundaries and expectations on behavior. Some families teach their kids how to manage social situations, talk, be engaged, and others let their kids sit on the couch zonked out on a phone. I’m a hs teacher and you can tell the difference. I call the ones whose parents allowed the phone to raise them “blob kids.” They have no interests, no social skills, no conversational skills, nothing. They’re either staring at the phone or, if that’s not allowed, blankly staring into space. It’s sad.

I'm worried about this. I think most of us have phone addiction, myself included. I never use it in social settings, but even among adults it's becoming more common to pull out the phone at parties.

High schools that banned the phone found that the lunch periods were no longer silent. I think we need to go that route.

[Anonymous]

If the parents allow if yes.
I have a tween and most of her friends we see frequently do not do this. School friends on the other hand seem to do it all the time and one friend we have brings her phone everywhere. She has it out in a restaurant while my kid is sitting there, drives me bonkers. My kid has a phone but is not allowed to sit on it in a restaurant or other social gathering.

[Anonymous]

How well do these kids know each other? Is it just the parents are friends and the kids are expected to socialize based on that. I think that gets tricky as the kids get older. I am not excusing the behavior but in a few more years the kids will likely not attend that type of event.

[Anonymous]

Yes I think it’s more common than not—especially if the kids don’t know each other or are from families with minimal boundaries re phones.

DS 14 school friends all have phones and they will play games together on their individual phones at a get together but they will also put them away if any of the parents says “come on, switch it up and do something else.” These kids all come from families where there are limitations around phone use.