Help me with my New Year’s resolution re my impatience

[Anonymous]

I am a very impatient person. I really need to change this, especially with my husband. I have a lot of bad habits, the worst one is cutting him off when he’s in the middle of saying something I don’t want to take the time to hear. He keeps telling me to just be better and I try but it doesn’t stick.

Anyone have more concrete strategies?

Examples of when this happens:
1. My husband is really smart but he takes a long time to articulate what he wants to say. He will call me on the phone or call my name if we’re in person, then pause while he figures out what he wants to say next. It drives me nuts. So I’ll say, call me when you’re ready to talk, which irritates him.
2. He’ll start to say a joke or a story that I feel isn’t the right time. Other day at a kids’ doctor’s appointment, he started to go on a familiar tangent, that I knew would be long, and I said, ok, but back to [our child].
3. I want to know one piece of information, let’s say, what time is practices over? He will start by telling me yesterday’s practice was at x time, but then there was an email, blah blah. I don’t want all that, I just need one piece of information.
Advice, pls on what I can do on my end to manage my annoyed reaction to this.

[Anonymous]

Cut back on the coffee

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a very impatient person. I really need to change this, especially with my husband. I have a lot of bad habits, the worst one is cutting him off when he’s in the middle of saying something I don’t want to take the time to hear. He keeps telling me to just be better and I try but it doesn’t stick.

Anyone have more concrete strategies?

Examples of when this happens:
1. My husband is really smart but he takes a long time to articulate what he wants to say. He will call me on the phone or call my name if we’re in person, then pause while he figures out what he wants to say next. It drives me nuts. So I’ll say, call me when you’re ready to talk, which irritates him.
2. He’ll start to say a joke or a story that I feel isn’t the right time. Other day at a kids’ doctor’s appointment, he started to go on a familiar tangent, that I knew would be long, and I said, ok, but back to [our child].
3. I want to know one piece of information, let’s say, what time is practices over? He will start by telling me yesterday’s practice was at x time, but then there was an email, blah blah. I don’t want all that, I just need one piece of information.
Advice, pls on what I can do on my end to manage my annoyed reaction to this.

Sounds like your husband is a verbal processor. I am, too. Talking isn’t just a way to communicate XYZ, it’s a way to process through everything and figure out the best course of action.

If it’s not a good time to have a longer conversation, just say “I do really want to hear this but now isn’t a good time, let’s talk about it when we get out of the appointment”. Then you have to follow through and actually listen. It can help to set aside 20 minutes every evening to just let him talk and you listen.

If you need to know practice times, have a shared calendar where you can look it up yourself. Your husband really shouldn’t be your secretary.

Also perhaps figure out why you have a hard time listening. Do you spend a lot of time on social media? Maybe your attention span is messed up.

[Anonymous]

I would find that highly annoying. Are you impatient with everyone or just him. Maybe you just don't like him.

Treat him as you would treat a co-worker.

[Anonymous]

You are not into him. Call me I promise to rearrange your guts

[Anonymous]

It sounds corny but I just breathe through my discomfort. I also remind myself that it will actually take longer if I interrupt him, derail his train of thought, start an argument about communication style, and then find out what time practice ends. It is actually faster if I let
him tell me the whole story about yesterday and the email than if I interrupt trying to get him to do it my way.

[Anonymous]

Omg, following! Sorry I don’t have any tips for you OP other than clearing your decks a little so you don’t feel so squeezed every time he meanders off on a tangent. I can definitely relate though. Are you from the Northeast? Is he Southern? Lolol

[Anonymous]

One piece of info- text him. Tell him you’ll text him when you just need a single piece of info and do it. Don’t ask questions if you don’t want a story.

The second example, talk to him about it and have a more subtle cue for when it’s not the right time. Maybe a tap on the arm, touching your nose, etc. But then allow him time later to talk about what was important to him.

The first is a you problem. You need to learn to listen. Maybe you’ll be more patient if you have ways to minimize the opportunities for this. He calls you and you know it’s going to be 5 mins. If you don’t have 5 mins then tell him I don’t have time right now can we talk at x time.

Teach him to text for 1 piece of info.

Take 5 mins a night to discuss the day tomorrow and if things like a Dr appointment are scheduled then you should be on the same page about what’s important to discuss so there’s no question about why you stopped him. He should also be able to do the same to you if you go off topic.

[Anonymous]

Middle age menopause symptoms?
Your anxiety is flaring. Maybe get an anxiety med to help.
Me and friends went through this

[Anonymous]

Mindfulness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle age menopause symptoms?
Your anxiety is flaring. Maybe get an anxiety med to help.
Me and friends went through this

No wonder we are the most over medicated nation on earth. Take a pill for everything. Guys stop popping anxiety pills like candy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One piece of info- text him. Tell him you’ll text him when you just need a single piece of info and do it. Don’t ask questions if you don’t want a story.

The second example, talk to him about it and have a more subtle cue for when it’s not the right time. Maybe a tap on the arm, touching your nose, etc. But then allow him time later to talk about what was important to him.

The first is a you problem. You need to learn to listen. Maybe you’ll be more patient if you have ways to minimize the opportunities for this. He calls you and you know it’s going to be 5 mins. If you don’t have 5 mins then tell him I don’t have time right now can we talk at x time.

Teach him to text for 1 piece of info.

Take 5 mins a night to discuss the day tomorrow and if things like a Dr appointment are scheduled then you should be on the same page about what’s important to discuss so there’s no question about why you stopped him. He should also be able to do the same to you if you go off topic.

Great idea about texting.
Disagree that the first is an OP problem. If someone tries to dominate my time but needs to get their thoughts together while they are doing it, that's a no-go for me. As someone who learned a foreign lanaguage, I would always always rehearse outside a shop. Would never dream of making someone wait while I stammered through something.

Get your thoughts togeter, FFS. Practicing can help you think on your feet better.

[Anonymous]

^^DH needs a resolution to practice speaking /thinking and speaking.

[Anonymous]

Civility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One piece of info- text him. Tell him you’ll text him when you just need a single piece of info and do it. Don’t ask questions if you don’t want a story.

The second example, talk to him about it and have a more subtle cue for when it’s not the right time. Maybe a tap on the arm, touching your nose, etc. But then allow him time later to talk about what was important to him.

The first is a you problem. You need to learn to listen. Maybe you’ll be more patient if you have ways to minimize the opportunities for this. He calls you and you know it’s going to be 5 mins. If you don’t have 5 mins then tell him I don’t have time right now can we talk at x time.

Teach him to text for 1 piece of info.

Take 5 mins a night to discuss the day tomorrow and if things like a Dr appointment are scheduled then you should be on the same page about what’s important to discuss so there’s no question about why you stopped him. He should also be able to do the same to you if you go off topic.

Great idea about texting.
Disagree that the first is an OP problem. If someone tries to dominate my time but needs to get their thoughts together while they are doing it, that's a no-go for me. As someone who learned a foreign lanaguage, I would always always rehearse outside a shop. Would never dream of making someone wait while I stammered through something.

Get your thoughts togeter, FFS. Practicing can help you think on your feet better.

NP. Maybe? OP acknowledges she is an impatient person so I am not willing to say it’s a DH problem and not her problem.

In my experience, impatient people think their way is better, they are smarter, and their time is more valuable than everyone else’s. This is false. Personally, I would start there.