Reply to Help me with my New Year’s resolution re my impatience

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a very impatient person. I really need to change this, especially with my husband. I have a lot of bad habits, the worst one is cutting him off when he’s in the middle of saying something I don’t want to take the time to hear.  He keeps telling me to just be better and I try but it doesn’t stick.

Anyone have more concrete strategies?

Examples of when this happens:
1. My husband is really smart but he takes a long time to articulate what he wants to say. He will call me on the phone or call my name if we’re in person, then pause while he figures out what he wants to say next. It drives me nuts. So I’ll say, call me when you’re ready to talk, which irritates him.
2. He’ll start to say a joke or a story that I feel isn’t the right time. Other day at a kids’ doctor’s appointment, he started to go on a familiar tangent, that I knew would be long, and I said, ok, but back to [our child].
3. I want to know one piece of information, let’s say, what time is practices over? He will start by telling me yesterday’s practice was at x time, but then there was an email, blah blah. I don’t want all that, I just need one piece of information.
Advice, pls on what I can do on my end to manage my annoyed reaction to this. [/quote]

Sounds like your husband is a verbal processor. I am, too. Talking isn’t just a way to communicate XYZ, it’s a way to process through everything and figure out the best course of action.

If it’s not a good time to have a longer conversation, just say “I do really want to hear this but now isn’t a good time, let’s talk about it when we get out of the appointment”. Then you have to follow through and actually listen. It can help to set aside 20 minutes every evening to just let him talk and you listen.

If you need to know practice times, have a shared calendar where you can look it up yourself. Your husband really shouldn’t be your secretary.

Also perhaps figure out why you have a hard time listening. Do you spend a lot of time on social media? Maybe your attention span is messed up. [/quote]

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