Mom is disappointed her adult children aren't close

[Anonymous]

I am (for a variety of reasons) very low contact with one of my siblings. They don't like me (nor does their spouse), I don't like them, and we all know it, but we are ALWAYS cordial at family events, because it means a lot to my parents.

My mom is constantly making comments insinuating I should try and build more of a relationship with this person, for example:

"Larlo and Jane mentioned they wanted to visit [near where you live], you should give them a call and invite them to stay with you!"

"Last time I talked to Larlo, they mentioned wanting to do [insert activity], next time we all get together, you should go do [activity] together."

"Larlo just got a new job, you should call and congratulate them" (FWIW, I find out about all major life events for my siblings via their spouse's FB, including their pregnancy).

I have no interest in a relationship with this person and want my mom to accept this, but I know it would hurt her to be so direct. Is there a subtle way to get these comments to stop?
'

[Anonymous]

I would be too…. Seems like a normal response to a sad situation

[Anonymous]

Just mmh, mmh and then change the topic. No different than her reporting on a neighbor you don’t really know.

[Anonymous]

My mom too. I am very blunt and say I'm done as its a superficial relationship and they don't treat me well.

[Anonymous]

Two of my adult kids aren't close, and I can understand why, because they're polar opposites in how they see and approach the world. They are polite and respectful at family gatherings, similar to how you describe your interactions with your sibling.

Since nothing else has worked, I suggest trying the direct approach. You can always say the truth with kindness. "Mom, you frequently suggest I get together with Larla. The truth is that we're not very close, and we've both accepted it. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop encouraging me to contact her."

Or smile and nod, which is a perfectly good option, though you'll be smiling and nodding a whole lot.