Unexpected third pregnancy

[Anonymous]

My husband and I found out I was pregnant with our third baby this weekend. We are both 41. My husband is raging mad and immediately was pushing for termination.

Truthfully I’ve wanted a third and we did not use birth control but with two young kids we did not sleep together much so chances were low. I was however coming to terms with only having two kids and had begun to purge baby items etc. Our kids would be about 6 and 3 when the third baby would be born.

I’ve always been pro life but can see the benefit now faced with this of termination. I feel awful admitting that. My husband is adamant the finances are not there with private tuition, needing a larger home and car. We have outgrown our current home but with high interest rates we have not moved yet. We both do well, but with saving for the future with colleges and private tuition and all the things that come with an additional child he is so angry at me and I know it would be nine months of misery. Anyone have a similar experience? He keeps saying he should have gone through with the vasectomy against my desires.
I’ve had one ectopic between kids so I have an appt today to see if that is the case and I can’t help but hope it is so I don’t have to make a decision myself.

[Anonymous]

The decision is yours, OP. I'm sorry your DH is being a jerk amd isn'tbeing more supportive. It isn't your fault. It sounds like you want this baby. I hope you get some good news at your appointment today.

[Anonymous]

If your husband did not want a third kid he should have gotten snipped or used condoms always. This is on him. It's your decision. A

[Anonymous]

I mean you don't need private school for kids, done, solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I found out I was pregnant with our third baby this weekend. We are both 41. My husband is raging mad and immediately was pushing for termination.

Truthfully I’ve wanted a third and we did not use birth control but with two young kids we did not sleep together much so chances were low. I was however coming to terms with only having two kids and had begun to purge baby items etc. Our kids would be about 6 and 3 when the third baby would be born.

I’ve always been pro life but can see the benefit now faced with this of termination. I feel awful admitting that. My husband is adamant the finances are not there with private tuition, needing a larger home and car. We have outgrown our current home but with high interest rates we have not moved yet. We both do well, but with saving for the future with colleges and private tuition and all the things that come with an additional child he is so angry at me and I know it would be nine months of misery. Anyone have a similar experience? He keeps saying he should have gone through with the vasectomy against my desires.
I’ve had one ectopic between kids so I have an appt today to see if that is the case and I can’t help but hope it is so I don’t have to make a decision myself.

Of course you were pro life until you are faced with the decision. Such a hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband did not want a third kid he should have gotten snipped or used condoms always. This is on him. It's your decision. A

Yeah this guy's a dumbass. You don't use protection and he's surprised by a pregnancy? Good lord.

But also OP thinking having sex rarely means no pregnancy is also not terribly on either.

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll? Because this is exactly what all the pro-choice folks think of the pro-life group = it's a complete farce. You don't believe in being pro life at all if something as trivial as "private school tuition" is now causing you to rethink whether you should actually keep this pregnancy or not. So basically you are saying "I think poor people, teenagers, rape victims and basically everyone else for whom a pregnancy would completely wreck their lives should go through with an unwanted pregnancy, but if a third child would slightly inconvenience my current life situation (God forbit the kids have to share a bedroom, gasp!), I'm thinking of abortion." Unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

You are praying you have a life threatening condition so you can terminate. That sounds like you just want to terminate.

Why did you discourage your husband from getting a vasectomy?

Your husband says you cant afford a third. If you go through with it and he leaves, how do you think your elder children will feel about losing their father to gain a baby? Are you prepared for the much higher liklihood of a SN child?

[Anonymous]

What is a SN child?

[Anonymous]

1) This “The only moral abortion is my abortion” crap pisses me off so much. You’re considering it? Congratulations, you’re pro-choice. As a penance for sowing anti-choice bullsh*t for your whole life until <gasp> it actually impacted YOU, you now owe Planned Parenthood a $1000 donation AND you should spend some introspective time figuring out in what other ways you’re a judgmental hypocrite and cut it out. There are literally women dying because people like you liked the idea of being “pro-life” and didn’t have the imagination to realize what an unintended pregnancy might actually feel like.

2) Was your husband aware that you guys were not using birth control? If so, tell him to take his anger somewhere else. The most likely outcome of occasional, unprotected sex at age 41 is… pregnancy. Duh. He can go be angry out of the house, he doesn’t get to be angry at you.

3) I would recommend some counseling to explore your options. Planned Parenthood is actually great for this. Their counselors are committed to helping you figure out what’s best FOR YOU and do not push an agenda. Give a call, talk to someone, explore your feelings and what they might mean.

4) As far as “has anyone been through this?” - YES. Not me personally, but I’m also early 40s and know three couples around my age who found themselves pregnant with a surprise third in the last year or two. All ended differently (one miscarriage, one baby, one abortion) and while it was tough on everyone, they’ve all come through it together and are doing well now. You can find a path that works for you - it’s okay that your emotions are a bit all over the place and you don’t have answers now. Give yourself some time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is a SN child?

special needs

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an abusive ass and will be regardless. How could you live with someone who wants you to kill your own child for such frivolous reasons? That's not going to solve the problem of who you're living with. After two kids, he doesn't know how babies are made?!

[Anonymous]

You both sound dumb. At your ages you should know how birth control works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband did not want a third kid he should have gotten snipped or used condoms always. This is on him. It's your decision. A

Yeah this guy's a dumbass. You don't use protection and he's surprised by a pregnancy? Good lord.

But also OP thinking having sex rarely means no pregnancy is also not terribly on either.

Yes, just this. Unbelievable that two adults (that apparently earn enough for 2 kids in private school) think this way.
Education is important.

[Anonymous]

This is sick and abusive. If he was so against pregnancy, he should have got a vastectomy. This would be an instant divorce for me.