Unexpected third pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) This “The only moral abortion is my abortion” crap pisses me off so much. You’re considering it? Congratulations, you’re pro-choice. As a penance for sowing anti-choice bullsh*t for your whole life until <gasp> it actually impacted YOU, you now owe Planned Parenthood a $1000 donation AND you should spend some introspective time figuring out in what other ways you’re a judgmental hypocrite and cut it out. There are literally women dying because people like you liked the idea of being “pro-life” and didn’t have the imagination to realize what an unintended pregnancy might actually feel like.

2) Was your husband aware that you guys were not using birth control? If so, tell him to take his anger somewhere else. The most likely outcome of occasional, unprotected sex at age 41 is… pregnancy. Duh. He can go be angry out of the house, he doesn’t get to be angry at you.

3) I would recommend some counseling to explore your options. Planned Parenthood is actually great for this. Their counselors are committed to helping you figure out what’s best FOR YOU and do not push an agenda. Give a call, talk to someone, explore your feelings and what they might mean.

4) As far as “has anyone been through this?” - YES. Not me personally, but I’m also early 40s and know three couples around my age who found themselves pregnant with a surprise third in the last year or two. All ended differently (one miscarriage, one baby, one abortion) and while it was tough on everyone, they’ve all come through it together and are doing well now. You can find a path that works for you - it’s okay that your emotions are a bit all over the place and you don’t have answers now. Give yourself some time.

The average age for birth was 41 pre-IVF. It is really not uncommon at all and presumably some of those women were using birth control so 42, 43, 44 etc happened to get the average age of 41. Recently met a woman far enough into her 40s that her own family doctor thought her weird periods were perimenopause. Nope, surprise twins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your husband did not want a third kid he should have gotten snipped or used condoms always. This is on him. It's your decision. A

Yeah this guy's a dumbass. You don't use protection and he's surprised by a pregnancy? Good lord.

But also OP thinking having sex rarely means no pregnancy is also not terribly on either.

Yes, just this. Unbelievable that two adults (that apparently earn enough for 2 kids in private school) think this way.
Education is important.

Is sex education telling girls when they're randomly in the mood its probably ovulation????

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) This “The only moral abortion is my abortion” crap pisses me off so much. You’re considering it? Congratulations, you’re pro-choice. As a penance for sowing anti-choice bullsh*t for your whole life until <gasp> it actually impacted YOU, you now owe Planned Parenthood a $1000 donation AND you should spend some introspective time figuring out in what other ways you’re a judgmental hypocrite and cut it out. There are literally women dying because people like you liked the idea of being “pro-life” and didn’t have the imagination to realize what an unintended pregnancy might actually feel like.

2) Was your husband aware that you guys were not using birth control? If so, tell him to take his anger somewhere else. The most likely outcome of occasional, unprotected sex at age 41 is… pregnancy. Duh. He can go be angry out of the house, he doesn’t get to be angry at you.

3) I would recommend some counseling to explore your options. Planned Parenthood is actually great for this. Their counselors are committed to helping you figure out what’s best FOR YOU and do not push an agenda. Give a call, talk to someone, explore your feelings and what they might mean.

4) As far as “has anyone been through this?” - YES. Not me personally, but I’m also early 40s and know three couples around my age who found themselves pregnant with a surprise third in the last year or two. All ended differently (one miscarriage, one baby, one abortion) and while it was tough on everyone, they’ve all come through it together and are doing well now. You can find a path that works for you - it’s okay that your emotions are a bit all over the place and you don’t have answers now. Give yourself some time.

All of this. Especially (1)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is sick and abusive. If he was so against pregnancy, he should have got a vastectomy. This would be an instant divorce for me.

Apparently OP talked him out of it. Sounds like she baby trapped him.

[Anonymous]

Op, why were you against a vasectomy if you hadn’t really considered and agreed on the implications? Best of luck with your decision and managing the big emotions and challenges way you choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I found out I was pregnant with our third baby this weekend. We are both 41. My husband is raging mad and immediately was pushing for termination.

Truthfully I’ve wanted a third and we did not use birth control but with two young kids we did not sleep together much so chances were low. I was however coming to terms with only having two kids and had begun to purge baby items etc. Our kids would be about 6 and 3 when the third baby would be born.

I’ve always been pro life but can see the benefit now faced with this of termination. I feel awful admitting that. My husband is adamant the finances are not there with private tuition, needing a larger home and car. We have outgrown our current home but with high interest rates we have not moved yet. We both do well, but with saving for the future with colleges and private tuition and all the things that come with an additional child he is so angry at me and I know it would be nine months of misery. Anyone have a similar experience? He keeps saying he should have gone through with the vasectomy against my desires.
I’ve had one ectopic between kids so I have an appt today to see if that is the case and I can’t help but hope it is so I don’t have to make a decision myself.

Ok, there you have it. You wanted a third. You were irresponsible with birth control when your husband assumed you were being consistent. Whether or not you were have sex frequently or not is irrelevant. Whether or not you were donating clothes is irrelevant. You made choices without consulting your husband and he feels trapped. No wonder he's livid!

[Anonymous]

Id be keeping my baby!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Id be keeping my baby!!!!!

+1 this is such a weird post and is actually indicative of the abortion debate because most people still think it’s done under “rare” circumstances. A wealthy married couple doesn’t use birth control, has regular sex, gets pregnant. It’s insane to me any “options” are even on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is sick and abusive. If he was so against pregnancy, he should have got a vastectomy. This would be an instant divorce for me.

Apparently OP talked him out of it. Sounds like she baby trapped him.

Yeah, that was my thought, too. OP wants another baby, husband does not. Against husband getting a vasectomy, all while she's not using birth control, continues to have unprotected sex. OP knew exactly what she was doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is sick and abusive. If he was so against pregnancy, he should have got a vastectomy. This would be an instant divorce for me.

Apparently OP talked him out of it. Sounds like she baby trapped him.

Yeah, that was my thought, too. OP wants another baby, husband does not. Against husband getting a vasectomy, all while she's not using birth control, continues to have unprotected sex. OP knew exactly what she was doing.

+1 OP planned this. Obviously.

The husband did not consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I found out I was pregnant with our third baby this weekend. We are both 41. My husband is raging mad and immediately was pushing for termination.

Truthfully I’ve wanted a third and we did not use birth control but with two young kids we did not sleep together much so chances were low. I was however coming to terms with only having two kids and had begun to purge baby items etc. Our kids would be about 6 and 3 when the third baby would be born.

I’ve always been pro life but can see the benefit now faced with this of termination. I feel awful admitting that. My husband is adamant the finances are not there with private tuition, needing a larger home and car. We have outgrown our current home but with high interest rates we have not moved yet. We both do well, but with saving for the future with colleges and private tuition and all the things that come with an additional child he is so angry at me and I know it would be nine months of misery. Anyone have a similar experience? He keeps saying he should have gone through with the vasectomy against my desires.
I’ve had one ectopic between kids so I have an appt today to see if that is the case and I can’t help but hope it is so I don’t have to make a decision myself.

Ok, there you have it. You wanted a third. You were irresponsible with birth control when your husband assumed you were being consistent. Whether or not you were have sex frequently or not is irrelevant. Whether or not you were donating clothes is irrelevant. You made choices without consulting your husband and he feels trapped. No wonder he's livid!

She wasn't irresponsible with birth control. She wasn't using it. They had sex. That's a planned pregnancy, on both of their parts. They mutually consented to creating a third child. No trapping.

[Anonymous]

Is this even a real post? If the husband knew the OP wasn’t using birth control and still chose to finish inside her then he’s just as responsible for the situation.

[Anonymous]

You are not using birth control so how was this unexpected?

[Anonymous]

You're both to blame. Now is the time to get to Planned Parenthood. Next up is a vasectomy. And after that is marriage counseling.