Parents of multiples-- dumb or inappropriate comments
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Anonymous
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I have fraternal BG twins, as well as a singleton who is 11 months older. Yes, it is busy!
I've had some dumb and inappropriate comments/questions, and I'm curious if other parents of multiples have also heard similar remarks, or maybe even ones more bizarre than the ones I've heard. I'll start with a list of just a few: 1. Are they natural? No, they are plastic. 2. Are they identical? They are BG twins. They look nothing alike. They are not identical. 3. Did you plan to have twins? Does anyone PLAN to have twins? 4. Are they triplets? (Asking while looking at my six-month-old infants and a walking toddler) Yes, this one, the one who can walk, is just advanced. 5. Did you use IVF? How is that your business? 6. You have your hands full! Do I? 7. Are they all yours? I gave birth to them, so I think so! 8. Why don't they have rhyming names? Because we didn't name them as a "set." They are two separate people. 9. Do you have help? Are you offering? 10. Did you nurse them? Why does that matter? 11. How did you get a boy and a girl? We put in a specific order from Amazon. 12. They look normal. You must not have delivered them early. Normal? What does that mean? 13. How do you tell them apart? One is a boy and one is a girl. One has brown hair and one has red hair. One is significantly larger than the other. Additionally, I am their mom. It isn't exactly challenging to tell them apart. |
Anonymous
| People are just really stupid. |
Anonymous
I got asked if my two boys are twins throughout their childhood. They are brothers who resemble each other and are 2.5 years apart in age. The older one is 1" shorter than the younger at nearly full grown height. |
Anonymous
As kids get older, and especially when they are adults, it can be difficult to determine age. However, if you ask if a typically-developing-17-month-old, 6-month-old, and 6-month-old are triplets, you have some significant issues. |
Anonymous
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Trust me, you aren't alone.
People are extremely rude regarding family planning. For me? Oh! You have a LARGE gap between your kids. Same Dad? So, when are you going to have that boy?!? (Right after I had that boy, dead, removed from my womb) ...and so on |
Anonymous
| I do not understand the annoyance at this. You must live your life pretty miserable if people can set you off this easily. Laugh, ignore them if you want to, move on. |
Anonymous
I can't understand how you possibly read the OP as being "set off."  There is OBVIOUSLY some humor in the remarks after the bolded questions.
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Anonymous
| Yeah - I have 4 yo fraternity twin girls and there are some dumb/intrusive questions, though fewer as they’ve gotten older. The only one that still bothers me is the “do twins run in your family”, which is usually just a back door attempt to figure out if we did IVF. But for that and most of the others I go with good humored honesty because anything else is too much work. Now that they’re older, I actually like to have the girls answer the questions themselves: are you twins? Are you identical? Who’s older?… I think it succeeds in making the nosy strangers behave a bit nicer, and allows our responses to be a bit fuzzy bc, well kids answer stuff like this in funny, unexpected ways. (Full disclosure: I never confirm or deny fertility treatments, but folks almost never ask outright.) Sorry- no real advice for you but definitely able to commiserate. |
Anonymous
We used IVF, but when people ask if twins run in our family, I can honestly say we’re related to 2 other sets of twins and a set of triplets. For my children, the most damaging question is who is the older one. It’s asked with surprising frequency, and no one — not one person — has ever asked who is the younger one. It makes the “younger” one feel inferior, even though the age difference is just a few minutes. I always wonder why people ask that question about twins. They’re the same age; one was just closer to the exit. |
Anonymous
| “You have your hands full” is inappropriate? |
Anonymous
People have asked if my middle and oldest are twins and I’ve gotten comments about how it must be tough with twins. Almost 2yrs apart and both are avg heights for their ages. Don’t sweat it though, brush off and move on. One way or another you’ll get annoying and invasive comments as a parent. |
Anonymous
| I have triplets. When people see me out with 2 of them, they ask if they’re twins. If I say “no they’re triplets, the other is at home (or wherever) they think I’m kidding. My triplets are two identical and one fraternal and people are usually very confused when I explain that to their inquiry about whether or not they’re identical. |
Anonymous
Why can’t you have a little more grace towards people who are interested in engaging with you? |
Anonymous
If you don’t have twins, you may not know this, but going out in public with infant, toddler or even preschool aged twins attracts a ton of attention. Infant twins, especially, are a magnet for attention. Everyone wants to ask questions or tell you about twins in their family or twins they know or the fact that they’ve always wanted twins. You don’t just get stopped during every single outing; you get stopped multiple times during every outing. You get asked the same questions during every conversation about twins. That’s why you can literally buy t-shirts that say things like: Yes, they’re twins. They’re both girls. They’re fraternal. No, twins don’t run in our family. Yes, my hands are full and I love it. |
Anonymous
| Are they IVF? |