Parents of multiples-- dumb or inappropriate comments

[Anonymous]

It's okay, OP

It stops eventually. Your kids are small and babies tend to look similar to each other.

As they age into elementary, they will start to look different, especially boy/girl which is the combo I have.

Now people seem to not realize they are twins and are shocked to hear it, especially as my DD's growth curve is faster than my son's. Just hang in there and have canned responses for the intrusive ones.

[Anonymous]

I've made some of these idiotic comments. I asked one dad if he wanted his kids to match, offering my blonde kid for his ginger. I said I always wanted a ginger! I got a nervous chuckle from him.

Once I saw a mom pushing a baby in a stroller with a young puppy, I asked "Did that solve your excess free time problem?"

Sue me. :-*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“You have your hands full” is inappropriate?

People get very upset at that comment but I never understand why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the annoyance at this. You must live your life pretty miserable if people can set you off this easily. Laugh, ignore them if you want to, move on.

I can't understand how you possibly read the OP as being "set off." There is OBVIOUSLY some humor in the remarks after the bolded questions.

DP, she is bothered enough to write a thread about it. I have a BIL that is 6’5 and has an identical twin. They get comments all.the.time. They were on vacation in the Bahamas last week and someone asked to have their picture taken with them (they obliged). They have said sometimes they feel like circus freaks. OP is not done special snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the annoyance at this. You must live your life pretty miserable if people can set you off this easily. Laugh, ignore them if you want to, move on.

+1

Impressed you have three little ones and have enough time to post such a thorough treatise.

Maybe try therapy to see why others bother you so much.

And we don’t care that you used IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not understand the annoyance at this. You must live your life pretty miserable if people can set you off this easily. Laugh, ignore them if you want to, move on.

+1

Impressed you have three little ones and have enough time to post such a thorough treatise.

Maybe try therapy to see why others bother you so much.

And we don’t care that you used IVF.

We didn't use IVF, but it wouldn't matter if we did. Children are children. It doesn't matter if a couple used fertility treatments, adopted, fostered, or conceived spontaneously. They are still their children.

[Anonymous]

This all seems like no big deal to me. When people say annoying an inappropriate things to strangers (or even friends) about something painful or a tragedy, I understand why people feel the need to post and seek support. For example, the things you hear when you have cancer are appalling. But when people say weird things about a joyous (although very hard!) life event, I don’t understand this level of annoyance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah - I have 4 yo fraternity twin girls and there are some dumb/intrusive questions, though fewer as they’ve gotten older. The only one that still bothers me is the “do twins run in your family”, which is usually just a back door attempt to figure out if we did IVF. But for that and most of the others I go with good humored honesty because anything else is too much work. Now that they’re older, I actually like to have the girls answer the questions themselves: are you twins? Are you identical? Who’s older?… I think it succeeds in making the nosy strangers behave a bit nicer, and allows our responses to be a bit fuzzy bc, well kids answer stuff like this in funny, unexpected ways. (Full disclosure: I never confirm or deny fertility treatments, but folks almost never ask outright.) Sorry- no real advice for you but definitely able to commiserate.

As someone who had some fertility treatments, I think you might be wrong about people fishing for IVF info. To me when I see twins, I used to think Clomid.

Also, I do genealogy now and I've discovered a part of my family that does run with twins. I've researched their ancestors, one of which had a pair of twins and also triplets. Their village had more multiples than I would expect. Sometimes that's genetic, sometimes diet (maybe), and sometimes maternal age. So it is a curious phenomenon.

But I do understand passers-by can be intrusively nebby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah - I have 4 yo fraternity twin girls and there are some dumb/intrusive questions, though fewer as they’ve gotten older. The only one that still bothers me is the “do twins run in your family”, which is usually just a back door attempt to figure out if we did IVF. But for that and most of the others I go with good humored honesty because anything else is too much work. Now that they’re older, I actually like to have the girls answer the questions themselves: are you twins? Are you identical? Who’s older?… I think it succeeds in making the nosy strangers behave a bit nicer, and allows our responses to be a bit fuzzy bc, well kids answer stuff like this in funny, unexpected ways. (Full disclosure: I never confirm or deny fertility treatments, but folks almost never ask outright.) Sorry- no real advice for you but definitely able to commiserate.

We used IVF, but when people ask if twins run in our family, I can honestly say we’re related to 2 other sets of twins and a set of triplets.

For my children, the most damaging question is who is the older one. It’s asked with surprising frequency, and no one — not one person — has ever asked who is the younger one. It makes the “younger” one feel inferior, even though the age difference is just a few minutes. I always wonder why people ask that question about twins. They’re the same age; one was just closer to the exit.

I don’t have twins and I always thought that is the stupidest question. They’re born at the same time! Who cares if they didn’t come out at exactly the same minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've made some of these idiotic comments. I asked one dad if he wanted his kids to match, offering my blonde kid for his ginger. I said I always wanted a ginger! I got a nervous chuckle from him.

Once I saw a mom pushing a baby in a stroller with a young puppy, I asked "Did that solve your excess free time problem?"

Sue me. :-*

You sound like you have a sense of humor, unlike the OP and some of the other posters.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who had twins in her late 30s and would tell everyone that it wasn’t IVF, the probability of twins goes up with age. I didn’t really understand why she always offers this information, but now I assume it’s because people ask if it’s IVF all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have fraternal BG twins, as well as a singleton who is 11 months older. Yes, it is busy!

I've had some dumb and inappropriate comments/questions, and I'm curious if other parents of multiples have also heard similar remarks, or maybe even ones more bizarre than the ones I've heard.

I'll start with a list of just a few:

1. Are they natural? No, they are plastic.

2. Are they identical? They are BG twins. They look nothing alike. They are not identical.

3. Did you plan to have twins? Does anyone PLAN to have twins?

4. Are they triplets? (Asking while looking at my six-month-old infants and a walking toddler) Yes, this one, the one who can walk, is just advanced.

5. Did you use IVF? How is that your business?

6. You have your hands full! Do I?

7. Are they all yours? I gave birth to them, so I think so!

8. Why don't they have rhyming names? Because we didn't name them as a "set." They are two separate people.

9. Do you have help? Are you offering?

10. Did you nurse them? Why does that matter?

11. How did you get a boy and a girl? We put in a specific order from Amazon.

12. They look normal. You must not have delivered them early. Normal? What does that mean?

13. How do you tell them apart? One is a boy and one is a girl. One has brown hair and one has red hair. One is significantly larger than the other. Additionally, I am their mom. It isn't exactly challenging to tell them apart.

Wow, you sound awful. Lighten up, people are just trying to make conversationand this is better than "the weather is supposed to change tomorrow" or something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, you aren't alone.

People are extremely rude regarding family planning. For me?

Oh! You have a LARGE gap between your kids. Same Dad?

So, when are you going to have that boy?!? (Right after I had that boy, dead, removed from my womb)

...and so on

I get this all the time, but I don't take it as rude. Lighten up. People are just trying to talk to you.

[Anonymous]

Sympathizing. We get the same thing as our kids are adopted (internationally) and they are a different race from me, as well as from my DH.

As our kids have gotten older they get to answer the dumb dumb questions themselves now like "Are these your real parents?" --"No, they are our plastic ones" and "are you going to find your parents? -- "no need to, they are at home right now watching TV." Etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have fraternal BG twins, as well as a singleton who is 11 months older. Yes, it is busy!

I've had some dumb and inappropriate comments/questions, and I'm curious if other parents of multiples have also heard similar remarks, or maybe even ones more bizarre than the ones I've heard.

I'll start with a list of just a few:

1. Are they natural? No, they are plastic.

2. Are they identical? They are BG twins. They look nothing alike. They are not identical.

3. Did you plan to have twins? Does anyone PLAN to have twins?

4. Are they triplets? (Asking while looking at my six-month-old infants and a walking toddler) Yes, this one, the one who can walk, is just advanced.

5. Did you use IVF? How is that your business?

6. You have your hands full! Do I?

7. Are they all yours? I gave birth to them, so I think so!

8. Why don't they have rhyming names? Because we didn't name them as a "set." They are two separate people.

9. Do you have help? Are you offering?

10. Did you nurse them? Why does that matter?

11. How did you get a boy and a girl? We put in a specific order from Amazon.

12. They look normal. You must not have delivered them early. Normal? What does that mean?

13. How do you tell them apart? One is a boy and one is a girl. One has brown hair and one has red hair. One is significantly larger than the other. Additionally, I am their mom. It isn't exactly challenging to tell them apart.

Wow, you sound awful. Lighten up, people are just trying to make conversationand this is better than "the weather is supposed to change tomorrow" or something similar.

Most of these are not socially-appropriate topics of conversation with strangers. #1, #3, #5, #8, #10 #11, and #12 are particularly weird or rude to say to a stranger.