Changing my daughter at the pool

[Anonymous]

Hi - I'm a single dad with a 15yo daughter who who has severe autism and developmental disability. We signed up at the local indoor pool near our home, so she can swim 1-2 times per week and get some exercise and leisure time. Unfortunately, they don't have family changing areas - only men and women's locker room/changing areas. What I typically do - as it's not crowded usually - is use the men's area - in a section when no one is around - and only for a few minutes to get us into or out of swim wear - no shower.

What happened a few days ago, is we had just gotten in from the pool and were about to start changing. A man ran over from the showers section and starting loudly admonishing me for bringing my daughter into the men's changing area. I informed him she has severe autism and needs my help changing and he could wait in the other section he was in a few moments if we wanted to avoid seeing her nude by accident (all of us were in swim wear). He replied that this was unacceptable, invaded his "privacy", etc. His friend also came over and joined in the admonishing and we left to avoid further confrontation (we ended up changing in a dirty bath room instead). I informed the manager and he was sympathetic.

Question for the DCUM ADA experts... does the ADA / similar laws give my daughter a right - when she has opposite sex caregiver - like myself - to enter the men's or women's area (or either of our choosing)? E.g. does the right of my daughter to be able to change clothes in a sanitary space outweighs someone's (very minor) embarrassment of seeing my daughter nude briefly/inadvertently (and I suggested a way he can avoid it too).

[Anonymous]

Talk to the staff and ask if there is a private room. I don't think its ok to bring your daughter at that age into the men's room for her sake. Can you put the suit on at home and a parka on for her to go home in?

[Anonymous]

No, it is not acceptable to change your 15 year old daughter into a swimsuit in a changing room that contains unrelated grown men. What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

She has the motor skills to swim but not change?

Agree about talking to the staff about another room. How do they not have a family restroom?!

Sorry but the other men are right. They don’t want to see your daughter nude; they also don’t want a child to see them nude. This is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I agree you should ask the staff and then you will know what the actual rules are. Is there another pool with better facilities? I would do the changing at home rather than use the mens room personally.

[Anonymous]

What you are doing is wrong.
Which pool around here doesn’t have family changing rooms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree you should ask the staff and then you will know what the actual rules are. Is there another pool with better facilities? I would do the changing at home rather than use the mens room personally.

+1

As a mom with 2 daughters that took swimming lessons when young, who nobody would have thought of criticizing for using the ladies’ changing room, that’s what we did. I just found it simpler to dress them at home in their swimsuit with clothes on top (during the winter it was probably a cozy soft velour jogging suit with elastic pants and a zipper jacket). After swimming, they just toweled off and put their outfits back on, over their damp suits. Then we went home to shower/bathe and change.

[Anonymous]

We have a 15 year old with profound intellectual disability. My husband rarely travels without her, but this type of stuff does happen from time to time. I think you need to ask a pool attendant to go in and make sure it is empty. You then have to go in very quickly and change her while the pool attendant waits at the door to prevent anyone from going in. I would also use a bathroom stall or shower stall to change her in. My kid is cognitively a baby so it is more about protecting her from being seen than worrying about her seeing a naked man.

That said, I would just dry her well, throw some clothes on her and drive home. This assumes she is potty trained and isn’t wearing a soaked swim diaper.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is a woman and her child is a son and she changed the genders for this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is a woman and her child is a son and she changed the genders for this post.

That's stupid. Do you think fathers never take care of their disabled children? My DH takes my adult DD out to activities regularly. He takes her right into the men's room and into a bathroom stall to toilet and change her if necessary.

[Anonymous]

She absolutely has the right to access the pool, which includes changing facilities. This is an ADA requirement.

The men's concern about their own privacy isn't a valid one, IMO. But the concern about her privacy is. It's important that individuals with disabilities, who are at such high risk of abuse, see us protecting their privacy because it increases the likelihood that they will protest or alert someone if their privacy is violated. For that reason, if she doesn't seem to mind, I would still look for ways to protect her. A clothesline like this could probably be strung between two lockers and give her an area:

https://www.amazon.com/Retractable-Portable-Clothesline-Travel%EF%BC%8CClothing-Accessories/dp/B09XPWGFTV/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.AJnuLLDLXU2phqXcmAgFCl0h25G8ESa_XLpWKEFRbJfK1N_ov53W6VDfzATO-bDEL8zvNyWCxrlWrs2aROewGtj8ktVlulZ78-kDdmdE3rQjGRb42Swi3xzf7SexZQ4v4BV-PzgVIDhiuwKW7-8STd-NuSo8CxYj6Rkd4UANT1Isw1qHVBn9BCS5QBSopCh6l1QYTLrm-9WGY9t266Xrw69aIv2VmFkha-HJ01CCXDLtIDVelwBgl8bHa0lyUw18HR0TvocDS7nx_Bgr2eQaszDe-9kM9iym6PltzGvfLgY.ktwK5EsMV4isSeCE5K2WVU3PJL9K-0G3E9M_c1RdLu0&dib_tag=se&hvadid=580847229306&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=1018700&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=14978502506158371600&hvtargid=kwd-570371167331&hydadcr=15749_13524420&keywords=magnetic+clothesline&qid=1732052489&sr=8-3-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

Or you could ask the facility for a solution such as temporarily closing the men's room to give you a chance to help her, or putting up some other sort of barrier.

[Anonymous]

Also, why would that matter?

[Anonymous]

Sorry referring to previous post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has the motor skills to swim but not change?

Many people who need help changing, whether due to disability or age, enjoy using a pool. A pool can be a wonderful place for people with disabilities to explore movement, get exercise, and have an opportunity to move more freely.

[Anonymous]

It’s amazing that facilities where nudity is expected aren’t required by the ADA to make provisions for situations where a person and their caregiver are the opposite sex. Furthermore, it should be the norm for for-profit, family friendly facilities to provide such accommodations. This situation is not at all unusual at pools.