Did you want a new relationship after your divorce and did it happen for you?

[Anonymous]

Recently divorced and now I'm through the initial hump, I find I'm thinking about the future and wondering if I'll ever meet anyone again.

Am a woman, mid 40s, have a good job, 7 and 10 year old. 'decent' looks wise (or at least I used to be - sigh). I'm funny if that helps!

Feels kind of sad to imagine that was it but then i know for a lot of people they never do meet someone new so wondering about folks experiences on here.

[Anonymous]

Ha, I’m the same OP. Definitely hoping to meet someone. We will see I guess.

[Anonymous]

OP you can meet someone at any age. I know people in their 50's, and up. My advice would be to go on the dating sites. Take care of yourself and now is the time to look your best. Also, if you end up being interested in someone make sure you check them out. It sounds like common sense but you would be surprised at how many don't.

[Anonymous]

I think it is completely normal to think if there is any chance of finding love ❤️ again on the horizon.

After all, you are only in your mid-40’s.
Too old to marry…..yet too young to bury??!

All kidding aside though - do you share custody of your kids w/your ex?
If so - perhaps you can date when your children are w/their Father.

But if they are w/you all the time, then it may be best to focus on them since they may be needing extra emotional support since the divorce may be affecting them emotionally now.

Wishing you all the best!

[Anonymous]

I’m early 50s, but recently divorced with younger teens. I’m open to eventually dating, but am not going looking – if that makes sense. I’m below average in the looks department, but maybe if I meet someone organically, my personality might help to balance it in a way that would likely be overlooked with online dating. I know it greatly reduces the chances, especially since I have full custody and don’t get out much, but that’s my plan, if you can call it that. Most of my divorced friends have re-coupled and most are remarried. I think I am on a different path.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm in the middle of the divorce process and feeling like I need a romantic relationship the way a fish needs a bicycle. I guess it's normal when you have more distance from the process to have more interest in getting back on that crazy train.

Can your friends introduce you to any good people? What group activities do you enjoy? If you want a new relationship I feel like you have to go to where the potential partners are.

[Anonymous]

as newly divorced focus on your kids and stabilize the parenting stuff, then you can think of dating. Most would recommend waiting until they are in high school or in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:as newly divorced focus on your kids and stabilize the parenting stuff, then you can think of dating. Most would recommend waiting until they are in high school or in college.

Very vague words here.

College? That's eleven years. Nobody who wants to date should have to be celibate for that long.

[Anonymous]

OP, my former wife could be described similar to you and she met and married what appears to be a good man about four years after our divorce (they've been married four years now).

He is a divorced dad and my kids love him as a good stepfather. I am happy for her and them.

[Anonymous]

Just be yourself. If you do meet someone, great. If you don't, hopefully you believe by now that being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't love you.

[Anonymous]

For most people, meeting someone good takes time and effort, but it's often really worth it. After the misery of a bad marriage having new relationship energy with someone you see for dates and sex (and you don't have to live with them, raise kids, deal with extended families, talk about money) is great.

[Anonymous]

My best friend (married) was encouraging me to hook up with a guy who was hitting on me while we were out at a bar one night. I chatted him up, but nothing happened. It was a boost to my ego though, and shortly after I tried online dating. I didn’t know what I wanted, and said so, but very quickly found I can’t do random hookups - at my age men are not a curiosity to me, I don’t care about how hot they are, I don’t want any STDs. So I only entertained nice guys. Which led to a relationship even though I wasn’t looking for a serious one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:as newly divorced focus on your kids and stabilize the parenting stuff, then you can think of dating. Most would recommend waiting until they are in high school or in college.

Very vague words here.

College? That's eleven years. Nobody who wants to date should have to be celibate for that long.

Of course not but that’s what the smug miserables recommend on DCUM, which is why I wish there were a separate dating section and a separate marriage section. Having smug miserables preaching on the dating section just fills it with bad advice and judgment.

[Anonymous]

Mi divorced in my early 40s and had primary custody of three kids.
It’s been nearly seven years and I’ve spent those years focusing on my kids.

There will be time for a relationship after they leave home- but I’ve found most men in their 40s pretty needy and looking for someone else to run their homes and social lives and feed their egos. I’ve had some super fun year long or so relationships with younger men who provide great sex and companionship- with exclusive sex.

When the kids go off to college maybe I’ll settle down- but the further I get from marriage the less interested I am in making sacrifices for someone other than my kids or family. Being single is amazing and great, but you have to grow into it. Not many women get rid of good guys in their 40s as it’s simply a useful time to have an intact family. Most of the ones out there are duds.

[Anonymous]

Just get an FWB. That's what you're missing right now.

Look for a real relationship once your kids are older and more self-sufficient. Don't shack up with anyone until your kids have left the nest.