successful avoidant-anxious relationships?

[Anonymous]

If you're familiar with attachment styles, one is avoidant and another is anxious. Relationships that combine the two are often considered "toxic." Does anyone have a successful relationship where one of you has an avoidant style and the other has an anxious style? If so, how did you make it work?

[Anonymous]

This is a tough match. Avoidants are especially resistant to change because they often cannot tolerate the work required. Assuming both partners are really motivated, individual therapy for each is the best bet. Look for therapists with training in something like IFS or another modality focused on healing attachment.

[Anonymous]

I just got finished reading that book and I think it’s 95% baloney.

[Anonymous]

I thought that the book "Attached" had some great suggestions for both types in improving communication. That said, I think it's rare, but possible that it can work. I think it mostly involves buy-in from the avoidant type though, which is rare.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Mine was a disaster

[Anonymous]

Well, you two are more than these labels and fully capable to work on your relationship. If you two love each other, can sacrifice for each other and put this relationship before yourselves then it can work.

[Anonymous]

It’s a really bad match. Don’t do it!

[Anonymous]

Any relationship with either is toxic. The two together must be extra toxic.
I'm secure and always have been, but they almost turned me into anxious as I had no idea what was happening.
After watching thousands of videos, I feel like I know exactly what I'm dealing with. I went back to being secure me - haven't seen them in a month and before that was another month before. They are acting busy right now working their butt off trying to pay bills.
I think you are the anxious one or you wouldn't be writing here. What about you work on becoming and avoidant. They would be relieved and come around soon.Give them space. They will come back if the relationship was good. Mine is going nowhere, but being apart that long, got me forget about them slowly. We saw each other only about twice a month before and even that was too much when he lost his job and had million other things going on.
Anxious is hard. I would feel so smothered. Its like being tied up for avoidant.
The way I even found such thing existed, is a little bit of googling and Facebook sent me video after video.
The only thing missing was an excuse, but I even got that out of they when they got drunk. The dumbest crap ever as they ran before that thing they blame it all on even happened. They didn't think to check timeline.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I’m in one. It’s taken 20 years to get to a better place — not good, only moderately better. We only worked this hard because of the kids. Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

NO. Horrible combination.

[Anonymous]

If you really want to enjoy life, find someone avoidant who has an unremediated neurological disorder who, surprise surprise, avoids remediation. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anxious people should be with each other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anxious people should be with each other

and avoidant people should obviously avoid each other.

[Anonymous]

Can secure people handle a relationship with an anxious or avoidant person?

[Anonymous]

My secure DH is excellent at handling a relationship with an anxious avoidant me. I’m so grateful for him! He is very calm and knows when to let me be if im losing my s*t. He also is great at talking me down from my anxiety spirals.