Any deeply monogamous men?

[Anonymous]

I am woman, and this article on "Monogamous by Orientation" hits the nail on the head for me: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/202003/monogamous-by-orientation. It's not about having low drive; as the article says "all of their lustiness — every drop of desire — is poured into their relationship with their mate." I was in a relationship with my exDH for decades and in that entire time had only very fleeting fantasies of 3 other men. Although attached to the relationship for other reasons, ex-DH turned out to not be monogamous -- either by orientation, sheer will, or religious compulsion -- and there were significant other fractures.

Post-divorce dating has reaffirmed for me this description of myself as "monogamous by orientation" but also left me confused. Is it Pollyannaish to think a man would even genuinely want monogamy (aside from trying through will to create a stable home for raising children, lack of other options, opportunistic reasons, or lack of self-esteem issues)?

It's not that I expect that a mate would never have eyes for anyone else, even if I don't. But someone who made a genuine good faith effort at monogamy would be my knight in shining armor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am woman, and this article on "Monogamous by Orientation" hits the nail on the head for me: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/202003/monogamous-by-orientation. It's not about having low drive; as the article says "all of their lustiness — every drop of desire — is poured into their relationship with their mate." I was in a relationship with my exDH for decades and in that entire time had only very fleeting fantasies of 3 other men. Although attached to the relationship for other reasons, ex-DH turned out to not be monogamous -- either by orientation, sheer will, or religious compulsion -- and there were significant other fractures.

Post-divorce dating has reaffirmed for me this description of myself as "monogamous by orientation" but also left me confused. Is it Pollyannaish to think a man would even genuinely want monogamy (aside from trying through will to create a stable home for raising children, lack of other options, opportunistic reasons, or lack of self-esteem issues)?

It's not that I expect that a mate would never have eyes for anyone else, even if I don't. But someone who made a genuine good faith effort at monogamy would be my knight in shining armor.

You posted this... here? Oh, honey...

Before you get torn to ribbons and tatters... However "pollyannaish" some may find it, you like what you like. There's a lid for every pot. Don't settle.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

You will have better luck if you are Christian and looking for a Christian husband.

[Anonymous]

Your DH had a religious compulsion to be non-monogamous?

[Anonymous]

I guess we can never be certain but my DH is very ethically-bound and I am 101% confident in his monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, of course.

[Anonymous]

My DH is Jewish and monogamous

[Anonymous]

I work in healthcare and we frequently ask about sexual history, STI testing, etc. I have had quite a few male patients tell me that they have never slept with another woman besides their wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in healthcare and we frequently ask about sexual history, STI testing, etc. I have had quite a few male patients tell me that they have never slept with another woman besides their wife.

OP thinks they lack better options or have self esteem issues.

Small wonder men pump and dump her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work in healthcare and we frequently ask about sexual history, STI testing, etc. I have had quite a few male patients tell me that they have never slept with another woman besides their wife.

OP thinks they lack better options or have self esteem issues.

Small wonder men pump and dump her.

You are a juvenile .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in healthcare and we frequently ask about sexual history, STI testing, etc. I have had quite a few male patients tell me that they have never slept with another woman besides their wife.

This is the OP, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in healthcare and we frequently ask about sexual history, STI testing, etc. I have had quite a few male patients tell me that they have never slept with another woman besides their wife.

They also tell you they don’t drink alcohol.

[Anonymous]

I am not religious and am monogamous. Also take my marriage vows very seriously.

[Anonymous]

My husband is Catholic and I can guarantee 150% monogamous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in healthcare and we frequently ask about sexual history, STI testing, etc. I have had quite a few male patients tell me that they have never slept with another woman besides their wife.

And most men lie.