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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am woman, and this article on "Monogamous by Orientation" hits the nail on the head for me: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/202003/monogamous-by-orientation.  It's not about having low drive; as the article says "all of their lustiness — every drop of desire — is poured into their relationship with their mate." I was in a relationship with my exDH for decades and in that entire time had only very fleeting fantasies of 3 other men. Although attached to the relationship for other reasons, ex-DH turned out to not be monogamous -- either by orientation, sheer will, or religious compulsion -- and there were significant other fractures.

Post-divorce dating has reaffirmed for me this description of myself as "monogamous by orientation" but also left me confused.  Is it Pollyannaish to think a man would even genuinely want monogamy (aside from trying through will to create a stable home for raising children, lack of other options, opportunistic reasons, or lack of self-esteem issues)?

It's not that I expect that a mate would never have eyes for anyone else, even if I don't. But someone who made a genuine good faith effort at monogamy would be my knight in shining armor. [/quote]

You posted this... here? Oh, honey...

Before you get torn to ribbons and tatters... However "pollyannaish" some may find it, you like what you like. There's a lid for every pot. Don't settle.[/quote]

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