DH yells at me and I just can’t take it anymore

[Anonymous]

I asked DH to read over an article I wrote for our company newsletter. He yelled at me about how busy he is.

Later in the day, I told him that I didn’t like being yelled at and that I felt emotionally overwhelmed. DH replied that I’m the one who wanted kids. I told him that my wanting kids doesn’t make it okay for him to yell at me.

DH yells at me about once a month. I am tired of it.

I work for a non-profit and make $55k/yr. I live in a high SES area with a good school district. My kids are at the top of their classes. I don’t want to move, so I can’t get divorced. I don’t know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Stop asking him to help with your job work.

Get a better paying job.

[Anonymous]

I’d yell back at him. Louder.

[Anonymous]

Work on being able to support yourself financially. Rely on friends and family for your relationships. End the conversation if he yells. But he sounds super checked out if he's saying things like that, and if you're not willing to even consider leaving, you don't have much leverage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking him to help with your job work.

Get a better paying job.

This is the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking him to help with your job work.

Get a better paying job.

I keep applying for better jobs, but I never get them.

It’s hopeless. I just wish I was dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked DH to read over an article I wrote for our company newsletter. He yelled at me about how busy he is.

Later in the day, I told him that I didn’t like being yelled at and that I felt emotionally overwhelmed. DH replied that I’m the one who wanted kids. I told him that my wanting kids doesn’t make it okay for him to yell at me.

DH yells at me about once a month. I am tired of it.

I work for a non-profit and make $55k/yr. I live in a high SES area with a good school district. My kids are at the top of their classes. I don’t want to move, so I can’t get divorced. I don’t know what to do.

Do not say you can not get divorced. This just is not true. You need to leave. And what does the high SES area in a good school district have to do with anything? You are scared and I get it.

Attend a divorce 101 class (google it one is offered online on a regular basis by Carol Randolph), look at the Montgomery County commission for women (MD) website and attend more than one of their divorce seminars and ask questions of the attorney who presents; if in Montgomery County, call the court house and ask to speak with the free attorneys they provide for lower income individuals; they will help you free of charge and they know the law. This has to be offered in other counties too. Educate yourself. Join an online divorcecare group and go. I know it's really hard and you have been brow beaten into submission. And, do this for yourself and your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking him to help with your job work.

Get a better paying job.

Yes, to this. Stop going to a dry well looking for water!!! To home depot looking for almond milk.

[Anonymous]

He yells at you once a month and folks here think that is divorce worthy? I don't. Ofc I am the yeller in our marriage. DH sat me down and said he thought the yelling was a symptom of a bigger issue. We talked, I cried, and we are working hard to be more connected and supportive. I have stopped myself b4 screaming 2 or 3 times now. It's hard to prevent as its like a rage attack. Screaming is more about the screamer than the recipiant

I would tell him that you can not stand this periodic screaming and you will not stand for it anymore. Each time he does, slap him on the side of his head and tell him to STOP screaming. Or plug your ears and start screaming LALALA. Work with him to break this bad habit. Divorce over it? No way.

Tough crowd here as usual.

JMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He yells at you once a month and folks here think that is divorce worthy? I don't. Ofc I am the yeller in our marriage. DH sat me down and said he thought the yelling was a symptom of a bigger issue. We talked, I cried, and we are working hard to be more connected and supportive. I have stopped myself b4 screaming 2 or 3 times now. It's hard to prevent as its like a rage attack. Screaming is more about the screamer than the recipiant

I would tell him that you can not stand this periodic screaming and you will not stand for it anymore. Each time he does, slap him on the side of his head and tell him to STOP screaming. Or plug your ears and start screaming LALALA. Work with him to break this bad habit. Divorce over it? No way.

Tough crowd here as usual.

JMHO.

Hahaha of course a screamer thinks being yelled at once a month is no big deal. Aww, and you “cried” when your DH called you out? How adorable. Screaming at your spouse is entitled, low class, immature behavior. No adult wants to be yelled at. Hell, that’s not even a decent environment for a child. You are so lucky your poor husband tolerates you.

And you are truly deranged for thinking that escalating to physical abuse is going to solve this, pp. Are you trying to get Op murdered or hospitalized? Please get therapy for yourself and refrain from your bad advice here!

OP, I was in your position. DH would yell in frustration, at me, at the kids. Everything was my fault. It does wear you down and I cringed when I read how hopeless you felt. I totally felt that.

It takes really serious marriage counseling to fix this and your DH has to understand that you are out the door if this behavior doesn’t change. And like the other pps have said, this might mean that you need to change your living conditions or get a higher paying job.

But for now, you need to completely disengage every time he yells. Leave the room, leave the house, let him know that if that’s the way he wants to speak to you, he doesn’t get the privilege. Don’t escalate, but take it seriously and let him know this is serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking him to help with your job work.

Get a better paying job.

I keep applying for better jobs, but I never get them.

It’s hopeless. I just wish I was dead.

Because he yells at you once a month? Look, yelling isn't ok but this is an extreme reaction.

[Anonymous]

He shouldn't yell. But I'm guessing that your behavior is contributing to the problem here. Wishing that you were dead because he yells once a month is quite an over reaction.

[Anonymous]

Him occasionally yelling is not the extent of their problems. Saying that she wanted the kids, implying that he didn't and so it's her issue that she's overwhelmed, is a crazy response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking him to help with your job work.

Get a better paying job.

I keep applying for better jobs, but I never get them.

It’s hopeless. I just wish I was dead.

Ok so you’re depressed and he’s frustrated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop asking him to help with your job work.

Get a better paying job.

I keep applying for better jobs, but I never get them.

It’s hopeless. I just wish I was dead.

Oh my love. No, no, no. Internet stranger here to say you’re seen and felt. I suggest getting into counseling solo as soon as possible, and couples therapy if he will agree to go. So sorry you’re going through this. Hugs to you.