Women, do you ever think your DH has a double life?

[Anonymous]

When I read news stories about the man in France who drugged his wife and all those men in the vicinity who showed up to violate her, and not one man reported it, I wonder.

Every so often my YouTube feed will show a video of a Central Florida sheriff who caught and arrested fathers, husbands, and fiances on vacation in Orlando with family, sneaking out and trying to have sex with 14 year old boys, I shutter at the horror.

I look at my neighbors, and I wonder, do you ever suspect that your DH is a predator?

[Anonymous]

No. I just can’t imagine it and don’t even know when he’d have time. We both WAH full time and if we’re out of the house we usually have a kid in tow for an activity. We know each other’s phone passcodes (they’re identical and same as our bank PIN). We share a laptop charged on the main level of the house.

I guess in theory he could be lying when he’s at the grocery store or having convos in secret phone apps or on his work computer, but my gut is that he is a good guy and I would be shocked.

That said I’m sure many of the wives who found their husbands caught up in stings were also shocked and horrified. I wonder what (if any) warning signs they realized in retrospect. Random long errands? Lots of time on their phones? Weird sexual proclivities?

But yeah the fact that SO many men assaulted that poor woman and no one who saw this posted online ever came forward is horrifying. And tbh I don’t even understand why sex with an unconscious woman would be appealing, it sounds pretty awful. One guy testified he thought she was dead (as if that somehow makes it better)?! Or maybe they thought it was “ok” since her husband was “consenting” for her (as if she is property that can be loaned out). I really just don’t know how anyone can do this and sleep soundly at night.

[Anonymous]

I’ll never have a secret life; I insist DH knows/tracks my location, we have shared bank accounts, he does the taxes, he’s listed as my emergency contact.

Even as a newlywed, I’d let DH know if there was any change to my work schedule or location.

I grew up with an absent father in a chaotic household. My dad definitely could and likely did lead a secret life outside the family and I think my careful communication and sharing is a trauma response.

[Anonymous]

PP and another thing: there’s (was) no time for either us to lead a secret life! We raised 3DC and all played sports and they’re all 3 years apart.

[Anonymous]

Yes mine has a life where he plays a computer game. I think he's an adventurer or a warrior or something. His name is probably Sprock or Gloam or something. Not sure if he has secret pets or kids though.

[Anonymous]

Mine did and it was his WAH day that he mostly carried it out —when he’d get “called into the office”. We spent so much time together I would have told you it wasn’t possible. We never did separate weekends, trips, etc. Had a happy family, sex, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine did and it was his WAH day that he mostly carried it out —when he’d get “called into the office”. We spent so much time together I would have told you it wasn’t possible. We never did separate weekends, trips, etc. Had a happy family, sex, etc.

^Oh—and my kids all played travel sports, and we were so busy all the time too—-which is why I used to say it wasn’t possible.

[Anonymous]

Uh….no

[Anonymous]

No, between work and it’s been work at home for years and driving the kid every day to activities no time. He does love the dog the most. . She gets a few long walks a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes mine has a life where he plays a computer game. I think he's an adventurer or a warrior or something. His name is probably Sprock or Gloam or something. Not sure if he has secret pets or kids though.

lol

[Anonymous]

Not my DH but my BIL did. He pretended to go to work and then actually went for: walks in the woods, going to a cafe to play around on his computer, seeing a mistress, etc. He didn’t work and lied like this for over 7 years and lived off family money. He and his wife had separate accounts and she didn’t find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine did and it was his WAH day that he mostly carried it out —when he’d get “called into the office”. We spent so much time together I would have told you it wasn’t possible. We never did separate weekends, trips, etc. Had a happy family, sex, etc.

Same. Does take them long to get in a 30 min. “Meeting” disguised as a trip to the mall, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP you are describing 1 in a thousand or 1 in a million activities.

[Anonymous]

No, it would be pretty easy to tell if he was cheating or had a second life with the way our lives our set up. If anything, I'm the one with a "second life" he has no idea about (heavily involved in a very niche fandom).

[Anonymous]

No...he doesn't travel for work and he's always there when I call the landline at his office.