Random acts of kindness—what would you say to DS?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s a little superstitious, but I like to stay on the good side of karma so every day I try to do one small “random act of kindness” especially when I see someone struggling, etc.

Today I was at a fast food type place (think Panera) for a quick breakfast with my kid before an appointment. We were seated near a window about 8’ from the front door. I looked out and saw a UPS driver walking towards the door, and he had a HUGE box in his hands. I quickly set down my bagel, went for the door, holding it open for him, then went back to eating. My kid turned to me and asked why I did that, that “he didn’t even say ‘thank you’, mom!”

Honestly, I couldn’t think of an answer. But as I sit here reflecting, I’m struck by the realization that in most of these instances, people by and large don’t even acknowledge that someone has just helped them. Now I am rethinking why I even do this, and what I should have said to my son! I’m honestly a little embarrassed!

[Anonymous]

I do this all the time and I can't think of any time someone didn't say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Same here op. In this area people have no manners but somehow they expect their kids to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here op. In this area people have no manners but somehow they expect their kids to have them.

I forgot to answer your questions. I tell my kids that I treat people the same way that I would like to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Thanks and recognition is not the end goal, it's helping make someone's day easier

[Anonymous]

Are you doing it so people thank you? that would be weird (this is in relation to you mentioning why do you even do this). I mean, if you're only doing it for your own karma and not because I don't know, it is good to generally be kind and helpful when you can then I don't really think it will end up helping your karma much. Because that is still about you and not about being helpful.

Anyway I'm getting complicated here but reading your post was just.. a bit upsetting. It baffles me that it would be hard for you to explain to your son that we do kind things because it is the right thing to do - look for ways to help others. Not because it will benefit us but because it makes the world a little bit of a better place. And people have really hard lives and if we can lighten their load or brighten their day in some small way, that is a worthy thing to do. Or to explain to your son that maybe the UPS driver was having a really hard day, or distracted because his boss just yelled at him, or just in his own head because... no reason, or maybe because his mom is in a nursing home. You never know what people are going through. Sometimes they just aren't being thoughtful that moment, just like all of us have accidentally not been thoughtful. And sometimes they might be going through something we dont' know. So we try to extend grace.

I also don't believe that most people don't say thank you if you hold a door because I do that all the time and while I don't expect someone to bow over because I opened a door, 95% say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here op. In this area people have no manners but somehow they expect their kids to have them.

I forgot to answer your questions. I tell my kids that I treat people the same way that I would like to be treated.

This, adding: I saw him with that huge box and I knew he wasn’t going to be able to open the door, and I couldn’t just ignore the fact that I could be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks and recognition is not the end goal, it's helping make someone's day easier

+1. I'd tell my kid that, if someone helps you you should thank you, but if you help someone you shouldn't expect a thank you. Basically, put the other person first, whichever role you find yourself in.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to be embarrassed. You do this to be in integrity with yourself - to be the person you desire to be. Any appreciation from others acknowledged or not is just a perk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you doing it so people thank you? that would be weird (this is in relation to you mentioning why do you even do this). I mean, if you're only doing it for your own karma and not because I don't know, it is good to generally be kind and helpful when you can then I don't really think it will end up helping your karma much. Because that is still about you and not about being helpful.

Anyway I'm getting complicated here but reading your post was just.. a bit upsetting. It baffles me that it would be hard for you to explain to your son that we do kind things because it is the right thing to do - look for ways to help others. Not because it will benefit us but because it makes the world a little bit of a better place. And people have really hard lives and if we can lighten their load or brighten their day in some small way, that is a worthy thing to do. Or to explain to your son that maybe the UPS driver was having a really hard day, or distracted because his boss just yelled at him, or just in his own head because... no reason, or maybe because his mom is in a nursing home. You never know what people are going through. Sometimes they just aren't being thoughtful that moment, just like all of us have accidentally not been thoughtful. And sometimes they might be going through something we dont' know. So we try to extend grace.

I also don't believe that most people don't say thank you if you hold a door because I do that all the time and while I don't expect someone to bow over because I opened a door, 95% say thank you.

I guess my point was, I don’t know why I keep doing it when I know chances are people aren’t going to care. Like, why the hell am I leaving the table from my son, stopping eating, just to hold the door for someone who is going to just keep on walking through it like I’m not there. I’m embarrassed my son saw that and thinks I’m a fool for doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need to be embarrassed. You do this to be in integrity with yourself - to be the person you desire to be. Any appreciation from others acknowledged or not is just a perk

This is why I do it. Also, because I’m not going to be that person who just walks away when I see someone who needs help. But yeah, it feels a little foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you doing it so people thank you? that would be weird (this is in relation to you mentioning why do you even do this). I mean, if you're only doing it for your own karma and not because I don't know, it is good to generally be kind and helpful when you can then I don't really think it will end up helping your karma much. Because that is still about you and not about being helpful.

Anyway I'm getting complicated here but reading your post was just.. a bit upsetting. It baffles me that it would be hard for you to explain to your son that we do kind things because it is the right thing to do - look for ways to help others. Not because it will benefit us but because it makes the world a little bit of a better place. And people have really hard lives and if we can lighten their load or brighten their day in some small way, that is a worthy thing to do. Or to explain to your son that maybe the UPS driver was having a really hard day, or distracted because his boss just yelled at him, or just in his own head because... no reason, or maybe because his mom is in a nursing home. You never know what people are going through. Sometimes they just aren't being thoughtful that moment, just like all of us have accidentally not been thoughtful. And sometimes they might be going through something we dont' know. So we try to extend grace.

I also don't believe that most people don't say thank you if you hold a door because I do that all the time and while I don't expect someone to bow over because I opened a door, 95% say thank you.

I guess my point was, I don’t know why I keep doing it when I know chances are people aren’t going to care. Like, why the hell am I leaving the table from my son, stopping eating, just to hold the door for someone who is going to just keep on walking through it like I’m not there. I’m embarrassed my son saw that and thinks I’m a fool for doing so.

It seems like you missed my point. you're not a fool for helping someone just because they didn't say thank you. You are assuming he isn't grateful because he didn't say thank you, but you don't know that. And you can do things because they are the right thing to do even if people don't "care." Those little things add up and make the world a better place. And we do them because we'd want someone else to be looking out for us in that way too. Your son didn't think you were a fool! He just is a kid and kids are black and white thinkers who are constantly told "say thank you!!" "say please!" even though as adults we don't actually do that EVERY single time we make a request or something happens.

Do it because it is helpful, not because someone will care or you are being a grand influencer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks and recognition is not the end goal, it's helping make someone's day easier

This. You aren't doing it for the accolades, you are doing it because it's the right thing to do. That's what random acts are all about.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't your kid get the door? My sons would have jumped up.

[Anonymous]

Explain that being helpful helps you, whther or not you get recognized for it. Anonymous donors for example.