8th grade DC - What time do you take the phone / go lights out

[Anonymous]

Looking to crowdsource information here.

Ideally, we’d love for DC to be lights out by 9 because they’re up at 6:30. So 9 hours of sleep, assuming it takes them a half hour or so to get settled and fall asleep.

But DC is increasingly angry about this, in part because most of their friends who are on their phones (Snapchat) until at least 10, and they feel left out because we’re “babying them.”

To us, this is a matter of health and well-being. We keep seeing studies connecting sufficient sleep with better mental and physical health, learning, and mood - especially for teens.

But peer connection is important at this age, too. And based on what we see coming in on Snapchat after DC relinquishes their phone at 9pm, DC’s right that “that’s when everyone is on” and they’re “missing out” because of our rules.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Phone stays in our room always, except when going out or with permission. When they take it without permission they lose it the next day. They can only have it after homework and other things are done.

[Anonymous]

9pm. Sorry kiddo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Phone stays in our room always, except when going out or with permission. When they take it without permission they lose it the next day. They can only have it after homework and other things are done.

“After homework and other things” until when? Is there a time when the phone must be back in your room for the night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Phone stays in our room always, except when going out or with permission. When they take it without permission they lose it the next day. They can only have it after homework and other things are done.

“After homework and other things” until when? Is there a time when the phone must be back in your room for the night?

It must always be in our room. We don't let them have it unlimited. Homework, activities, tutoring, clean their room, etc. Then, they can have it.

[Anonymous]

I take the phone at 8:45, she has to be in bed at 9:30. She can read or draw after that but she usually just does to sleep.

[Anonymous]

9 pm. They can socially connect before then. After 9, it’s time to wind down, shower (if not done already), and get stuff ready for next day. Screens should go away an hour prior to sleep.

[Anonymous]

9pm in my house, too. And we maintained this rule/time in 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone. Who are these parents whose kids are snapping mine at 10/11pm? 🙄 (Rhetorical question …. )

As parents, we feel like we’re setting the right limits, but we also recognize that DC’s FOMO and fear of social stigma are real.

[Anonymous]

10 pm here, but no Snapchat or other social media.

[Anonymous]

Try to do 9pm phone, 9:30pm bed but sometimes it's 9:30/10pm.

[Anonymous]

This is what our pediatrician shared with us, and it’s what we keep coming back to when thinking about this issue. So much more difficult when other parents are not onboard.

(And of course makes me long for the days before cellphones. Not a chance that so many 8th graders were on landlines at 10pm.)

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyschools/features/students-sleep.htm#:~:text=How%20much%20sleep%20someone%20needs,10%20hours%20per%2024%20hours.

“How much sleep someone needs depends on their age. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine has recommended that children aged 6–12 years should regularly sleep 9–12 hours per 24 hours and teenagers aged 13–18 years should sleep 8–10 hours per 24 hours.”

[Anonymous]

9pm for mine, closer to 9:30 once or twice a week. Device charges in our room 9pm-7am.

We get frequent complaints, too, and when I occasionally check texts, I see that a handful of friends are online much later. I don't care, and am perfectly okay with being a mean parent.

[Anonymous]

Between 8-9pm for our 8th grader. OP stick to your guns. Also, have you asked your DCs friends' parents about their phone rules? It can be instructional.

[Anonymous]

Ours need to be ready for bed and in their room with no devices at 9:30pm. Lights out at 10pm. They get up for school at 7am. I also read texts and I often see her friends or kids in group chats sending messages at 11/11:30.