Joke-threats

[Anonymous]

Would this bother you?

Whenever my husband and I have a disagreement, he brings up how he does so much and feels unappreciated. When I ask for examples of what he does, he says things like “I pay this mortgage”. To be fair, he makes more than I do, but I’m still bringing in 6 figures.

This morning, we were sitting on the couch having coffee and some light was shining in my eyes from outside, so I moved to a chair across the room. He started joking in a lighthearted way about “I see how it is then” and he mumbled (still in a joking way) “I just won’t pay the mortgage next month then.” I said, “Mmhm. I’ll just pay it then.” He said, “Okay, we’ll see how that works out in 2 months.”

I understand that he’s joking around, but I really feel like his financial status has become something he hangs over me.

[Anonymous]

Surely that behavior falls into one of the Gotteman four horsemen...

[Anonymous]

I would have a conversation with him. Do you know why he feels unappreciated?

[Anonymous]

I would really dislike a spouse acting like that. It seems like he's revealing his true thoughts. My guess is you do more around the house, but I bet he would not like it if you started "joking" that you were going to stop cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc for him. But I don't think making threats against each other is a healthy way of communicating.

[Anonymous]

Very rude. My ex used to do this. It scared me to death. Three children in the home. I finally found a mortgage company that would help me remortgage in my name alone, and all he had to do was sign. Let’s just say the mortgage broker and I sat and drank champagne after the signing!
It’s simply not ok to joke threat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would this bother you?

Whenever my husband and I have a disagreement, he brings up how he does so much and feels unappreciated. When I ask for examples of what he does, he says things like “I pay this mortgage”. To be fair, he makes more than I do, but I’m still bringing in 6 figures.

This morning, we were sitting on the couch having coffee and some light was shining in my eyes from outside, so I moved to a chair across the room. He started joking in a lighthearted way about “I see how it is then” and he mumbled (still in a joking way) “I just won’t pay the mortgage next month then.” I said, “Mmhm. I’ll just pay it then.” He said, “Okay, we’ll see how that works out in 2 months.”

I understand that he’s joking around, but I really feel like his financial status has become something he hangs over me.

Yeah, that's odd. Have you asked him why he would say that and what he means by it?

[Anonymous]

Really talk to him. Is he burned out at work? Does he want to look for a different job, move somewhere cheaper so he can earn less, have time for a hobby? Ideally you will both feel like you are on the same team, a team whose job is to make everyone in your family as happy as possible. If you can't have this conversation, a marriage counselor could help. Or if he truly doesn't know what he wants, individual therapy for that, ideally with a male therapist.

[Anonymous]

Call him out on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really talk to him. Is he burned out at work? Does he want to look for a different job, move somewhere cheaper so he can earn less, have time for a hobby? Ideally you will both feel like you are on the same team, a team whose job is to make everyone in your family as happy as possible. If you can't have this conversation, a marriage counselor could help. Or if he truly doesn't know what he wants, individual therapy for that, ideally with a male therapist.

It's none of those things, lol.

He's sick of OP. Or at least sick of life with OP. Which ends up in the same place.

[Anonymous]

He’s your husband. Give him the benefit of the doubt. hopefully he deserves it. Talk to him and find out why he feels unappreciated then make changes. He appears to be the person who was hurt first. Do some digging. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s your husband. Give him the benefit of the doubt. hopefully he deserves it. Talk to him and find out why he feels unappreciated then make changes. He appears to be the person who was hurt first. Do some digging. Good luck!

OP: I understand that, but I feel like he’s started holding financial aspects over me in a threatening way.

[Anonymous]

What a moron.

[Anonymous]

He's insecure you bring in 6 figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's insecure you bring in 6 figures.

OP: He makes 3 times what I do. He shouldn’t be insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's insecure you bring in 6 figures.

OP: He makes 3 times what I do. He shouldn’t be insecure.

He isn't. He's resentful.

That's the beginning of the end.