How to say no to recommendation letter request?

[Anonymous]

Our daughter attends a school that’s popular on this board. She moved from public two years ago. Yesterday the mom of a child that used to be in the same class with my daughter emailed me asking if I would write a recommendation letter for her daughter, who is applying to our school. Our kids were friendly, but not close friends, and actually the mom and dad rubbed me the wrong way on a few occasions. I also don’t really know their child, and it’s been over two years since we last spoke. Obviously I don’t feel comfortable writing a letter for their family, but how can I say that without there being hurt feelings?

[Anonymous]

Just say you are already writing one for someone else who you know very well and you feel like you can only write one.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like I know larla well enough to write a recommendation.

[Anonymous]

"That's kind of you to ask, but we're truly not in a position at the school to write influential letters. From what I've been told, having her teacher write one is best, and then maybe a coach or a tutor since they are people who know her learning style best."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"That's kind of you to ask, but we're truly not in a position at the school to write influential letters. From what I've been told, having her teacher write one is best, and then maybe a coach or a tutor since they are people who know her learning style best."

This is the right answer.

frankly, the admissions offices don't want to hear from parents of current students. at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like I know larla well enough to write a recommendation.

This, just be honest you don't know the well enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like I know larla well enough to write a recommendation.

This, just be honest you don't know the well enough.

No this is not good advice. Then the parent will want to arrange a get together to catch up so you write the letter. Better to think of another reason why. I just said when asked I don't think the admission people really like me because I asked too many questions and there were a couple of other things I can barely remember. When I see them now they seemed annoyed at me so you don't want my name anywhere near her admission info. Better to not even say you know us.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, everyone!

[Anonymous]

Admissions may ask who they know already at the school and they will name you, for better or worse.

[Anonymous]

I said sure to a request like this, forgot to write the letter, and the kid got in and the family has been over the top thankful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like I know larla well enough to write a recommendation.

This, just be honest you don't know the well enough.

No this is not good advice. Then the parent will want to arrange a get together to catch up so you write the letter. Better to think of another reason why. I just said when asked I don't think the admission people really like me because I asked too many questions and there were a couple of other things I can barely remember. When I see them now they seemed annoyed at me so you don't want my name anywhere near her admission info. Better to not even say you know us.

This is too funny. You played your hand well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like I know larla well enough to write a recommendation.

no that is hurtful. the pp response above is better that you are already writing one for a friend in the same grade and have been advised to only write one. be kind in letting her down.

[Anonymous]

Write the letter.

But be honest with Admissions.

For example, “We have had limited contact with her, but she seems like a nice person”.

It’s called “damning with faint praise”.

And you can follow up with an informal word to a
Admissions explaining the circumstances.

You were asked to write a letter. You did. You were honest. The requester isn’t getting what she thinks she’s getting, but it was unfair “ask” in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I said sure to a request like this, forgot to write the letter, and the kid got in and the family has been over the top thankful.

Too funny! I could totally see myself doing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Good grief just write the letter. Who cares about the parents. The kids were friendly. Oh the gate keeping!! I always try to be nice to kids and do not factor in their parents. Sheesh.