staying very close friends with an ex

[Anonymous]

Anyone do this? How did you navigate the situation? My ex is one of my closest friends. We have so much in common and she's an amazing person. I truly love her in a bromance kind of way. Anyone able to pull this off without romantic feelings creeping back in?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s possible. What happens when she gets a serious boyfriend or you get a serious girlfriend. Someone somewhere isn’t going to be happy about your relationship with your ex.

[Anonymous]

It only works if you both insist to new partners early on that the friendship continues. I have an ex who is basically like family now. I was skeptical at first, but I’m glad we made it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s possible. What happens when she gets a serious boyfriend or you get a serious girlfriend. Someone somewhere isn’t going to be happy about your relationship with your ex.

This is what happened to me- the new Gf didn’t like our friendship and he had to choose. I get it and stepped back and went no contact, but honestly it hurt more than any romantic breakup I have ever gone through

[Anonymous]

I think “very” close is hard, but you can stay connected and be there for each other. I still have a close relationship with an ex: I see them every time I go home, I am friendly with their partner, our kids know each other and on and on.

When we were younger, we used to talk on the phone every once in a while to catch up, joke around, etc. A decade or so ago, when we both got married, we stopped talking on the phone. We only text and see each other in person now. That’s a boundary that seemed important for some reason. But I still feel—and hope they feel the same way—that if something catastrophic happened in my life I would not hesitate to call and they would pick up the phone and be there for me. If they called me, I would do the same.

One of the reasons it has worked for us, I think, is because we knew each other as tweens and have a lot of history together…not just the romantic history. Another reason I think it works is because we are both emotionally very healthy people. And the last reason I think it works is because we are both very happily married to emotionally healthy people.

It has become a beautiful thing, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for responses. One reason I put “very” close is because she’s like one of the guys and I can talk to her extensively about things like sports that my GF has zero interest in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for responses. One reason I put “very” close is because she’s like one of the guys and I can talk to her extensively about things like sports that my GF has zero interest in.

Talk to sports with a guy then.

Your GF should leave you so you can be with the woman you really love and be happy, but the truth is your ex dumped you. There’s no going back to the way things were, sorry. That’s a part of growing up. Grieve the break up and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s possible. What happens when she gets a serious boyfriend or you get a serious girlfriend. Someone somewhere isn’t going to be happy about your relationship with your ex.

This is what happened to me- the new Gf didn’t like our friendship and he had to choose. I get it and stepped back and went no contact, but honestly it hurt more than any romantic breakup I have ever gone through

I totally get that. Partly why I posted is cause she’s seeing someone new and is pulling away a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for responses. One reason I put “very” close is because she’s like one of the guys and I can talk to her extensively about things like sports that my GF has zero interest in.

Talk to sports with a guy then.

Your GF should leave you so you can be with the woman you really love and be happy, but the truth is your ex dumped you. There’s no going back to the way things were, sorry. That’s a part of growing up. Grieve the break up and move on.

Ex didn’t dump me. I broke up with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for responses. One reason I put “very” close is because she’s like one of the guys and I can talk to her extensively about things like sports that my GF has zero interest in.

Talk to sports with a guy then.

Your GF should leave you so you can be with the woman you really love and be happy, but the truth is your ex dumped you. There’s no going back to the way things were, sorry. That’s a part of growing up. Grieve the break up and move on.

Ex didn’t dump me. I broke up with her.

Then it’s even more unreasonable to expect to stay very close friends with someone you dumped. There’s no going back, sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for responses. One reason I put “very” close is because she’s like one of the guys and I can talk to her extensively about things like sports that my GF has zero interest in.

Talk to sports with a guy then.

Your GF should leave you so you can be with the woman you really love and be happy, but the truth is your ex dumped you. There’s no going back to the way things were, sorry. That’s a part of growing up. Grieve the break up and move on.

Ex didn’t dump me. I broke up with her.

Then it’s even more unreasonable to expect to stay very close friends with someone you dumped. There’s no going back, sorry!

We broke up 2 years ago so it’s not a recent thing.

[Anonymous]

You’ll grow apart unless you get both partners fully on board. I’m on good terms with a few exes, but no more than seeing them (usually with my DH) for a meal whenever we happen to be in the same city.

[Anonymous]

I'm very close with my ex. We text almost daily, i watch their pet when they travel, I travel with them to visit our kids, we do holidays together. Lots of the texts are a group chat with the kids, but also 1 on 1.

They have a partner, I do not. Their partner knows the deal but is actually more impressed with our maturity than threatened by my existence.

The new partner is busy with their family.

Now that we don't need to visit our kids together for things like "parents weekend" and "graduations" - 1 more to go, I suspect we will travel less together but eventually there will be houses bought, move ins, weddings, babies. So.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very close with my ex. We text almost daily, i watch their pet when they travel, I travel with them to visit our kids, we do holidays together. Lots of the texts are a group chat with the kids, but also 1 on 1.

They have a partner, I do not. Their partner knows the deal but is actually more impressed with our maturity than threatened by my existence.

The new partner is busy with their family.

Now that we don't need to visit our kids together for things like "parents weekend" and "graduations" - 1 more to go, I suspect we will travel less together but eventually there will be houses bought, move ins, weddings, babies. So.

10 years separated, 3 years divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s possible. What happens when she gets a serious boyfriend or you get a serious girlfriend. Someone somewhere isn’t going to be happy about your relationship with your ex.

This is what happened to me- the new Gf didn’t like our friendship and he had to choose. I get it and stepped back and went no contact, but honestly it hurt more than any romantic breakup I have ever gone through

Then you should have stayed married.

The reality is that your relationship sounds like it was far stronger than most marriages.