Not a natural athlete but hard worker

[Anonymous]

How do you encourage your child who is not naturally strong and fast but has done okay in sports due to hard work? They practice on their own every single day but then some kids can just jump into a sport and be really fast and strong without doing the work. DC is getting discouraged and saying things like maybe I should just concentrate on my school work because some subjects do come naturally to DC without studying.

We don't expect DC to play in college or anything but we'd like them to feel confident and enjoy sports as an adult in the future. How do you encourage your DC and make them understand that hard work for the sake of hard work is sometimes good and that you don't need to be at the top to enjoy something?

[Anonymous]

I have one son in middle school and one son in high school. My kids are athletic but not big, meaning they are average size.

I have a friend whose son is not naturally athletic and is also small and weak. The kid tries so hard. No matter how hard he tries, I do not think he will make the tennis team in high school. We have watched the smaller kids get cut in high school for basketball and baseball. I have heard disappointed parents speak of their disappointed kids.

[Anonymous]

I can try as hard as I can, but I do not have a talent for singing. It is not something I can achieve by working hard.

I would talk to your DS that we all have talents and some kids might be more talented at sports, but he is more talented at (insert here). You could point out where some kids have to study hard and he doesn't. Same with sports.

[Anonymous]

For a teen boy, you do need to be at or near the top to enjoy something. No one likes visibly struggling in front of peers. I think you’re expecting too much maturity from him

[Anonymous]

My kids are good at many sports but not exceptional at any. Dd runs cross country and track, she finishes middle of the pack, usually. My ds's team goes to regionals, but never states. To me it's about having something outside of academics that makes you move, be outside, be around other kids who are also active. I don't consider it worthless because they won't do this in college beyond club. And this all helps with general health and fitness which is something everyone should prioritize for a good life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can try as hard as I can, but I do not have a talent for singing. It is not something I can achieve by working hard.

I would talk to your DS that we all have talents and some kids might be more talented at sports, but he is more talented at (insert here). You could point out where some kids have to study hard and he doesn't. Same with sports.

This is what I tell my kids. Also, for some people more things do come "easy". Such is life. I do point out to my kids that they can't see everything that people are good at or might need to work harder at. People tend to overlook social qualities too. Some kids have a lot of charisma and make friends easily and some don't. So many examples.

[Anonymous]

Get a good trainer/coach. My DS who was a hard worker but not that talented ended up performing better in the end than the kids who took it all for granted.

[Anonymous]

Celebrate what they do accomplish. At this age, it takes incredible perseverance to stick with sports given how difficult it becomes to get playing time, make teams, etc. They know exactly where they stand once kids are making top teams, getting recruited, getting more playing time, etc., so don’t serve platitudes about how they could do the same if they just worked harder or didn’t give up or whatever.

It’s important to validate their hard work because it isn’t going to necessarily be rewarded with success and that’s how life works. I have always been someone who adores sports and tried so hard but I have zero natural talent or ability. No matter what I did, I was always mediocre. I squeaked onto my HS swim team because they were short my stroke for the 3rd entry at meets. When I graduated, my coach said something really meaningful to me in front of the entire team: that I worked just as hard as people who achieved a lot more success from the same amount of work, but I never used it as an excuse or reason to stop working.

I’m not really talented at anything as an adult, but I keep trying at things I care about and let the rest go. It meant a lot to have an adult validate my sense that life isn’t just about hard work. If you’re an untalented person and you can make peace with that earlier in life, it will keep you from banging your head against walls and from unproductive comparisons to others.

[Anonymous]

Yes, and we continue to pay for sports as long as they want to as it good exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Celebrate what they do accomplish. At this age, it takes incredible perseverance to stick with sports given how difficult it becomes to get playing time, make teams, etc. They know exactly where they stand once kids are making top teams, getting recruited, getting more playing time, etc., so don’t serve platitudes about how they could do the same if they just worked harder or didn’t give up or whatever.

It’s important to validate their hard work because it isn’t going to necessarily be rewarded with success and that’s how life works. I have always been someone who adores sports and tried so hard but I have zero natural talent or ability. No matter what I did, I was always mediocre. I squeaked onto my HS swim team because they were short my stroke for the 3rd entry at meets. When I graduated, my coach said something really meaningful to me in front of the entire team: that I worked just as hard as people who achieved a lot more success from the same amount of work, but I never used it as an excuse or reason to stop working.

I’m not really talented at anything as an adult, but I keep trying at things I care about and let the rest go. It meant a lot to have an adult validate my sense that life isn’t just about hard work. If you’re an untalented person and you can make peace with that earlier in life, it will keep you from banging your head against walls and from unproductive comparisons to others.

This is great. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

I remember that my college boyfriend got a job at a top consulting company because he said this about his strong GPA...

"Some kids are smart and they get good grades easily. What I try to do is remember that being smart is only part of it and with hard work I can amplify my potential to succeed."

That's exactly the kind of person he was, and he got the job. Like your son, putting in extra work on his own time ultimately paid off. He didn't go on to play professional sports but he's a CEO somewhere. He turned out well.

[Anonymous]

How old is he? We noticed a ton of kids in our children’s sports really developed athleticism once they hit puberty. Mainly it was the kids who would work truly hard on technique through the years. They already had a hard work ethic so high school sports was not a difficult transition for them.

[Anonymous]

It's tough, but for boys I emphasize developing enough skill to play a pick-up game. No need to be the best, but enough to understand the game, know the rules, and participate. A huge part of sports is also socializing and learning how to get along with a group of people and being part of a team. Remember, the vast, vast majority of HS athletes do not compete on their college teams. The life lessons of HS sports lie elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a good trainer/coach. My DS who was a hard worker but not that talented ended up performing better in the end than the kids who took it all for granted.

100% agree with this. Our son was never a “ natural athlete”. He had gross motor delays, was quirky and was more of a couch potato as a kid. We tried many sports just to get him moving and finally, tennis “ clicked” for him. He was weak and painful to watch at first but really connected with his coach. He hit puberty around the same time, grew taller and stronger , and started working out in the gym. Because he knew he wasn’t a “ natural”, he worked 3 times harder than the other “ natural athletes” eventually surpassing several of them. He’s not nearly at the level to play in college but he plays on his high school team.
Find a sport he likes and find a coach he clicks with and see how it goes from there.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Some of this is going to come down to genetics. My son eventually quit all of his sports after all of those years of practices, trainers, coaching, all of it. I think the PP is right, it’s just too hard for some of them who are never going to get playing time no matter what. All of the private training and grit isn’t going to make up for genetics.

He still lifts weights and now does it just for enjoyment and health. It wasn’t all for nothing and no one ends up playing sports forever anyway.