Not a natural athlete but hard worker

[Anonymous]

My daughter is good at a couple of sports, but she's only decent at a few others. But she still enjoys playing the sports at which she is average. So we keep her on low pressure teams and she has fun. There's value in just having fun, and when he gets older, he'll be able to play in casual pickup situations, which can help him make friends or further business relationships.

[Anonymous]

Focus on what benefits him personally from the sport. Exercise, stress reduction, healthy lifestyle, better sleep, better attitude, working with a team, discipline habits, etc. They are transferable skills. Also it probably feels good to practice! Now is a good time to learn how to not worry about others so much, grow self worth and enjoy.

[Anonymous]

What sports does your kid play? Some sports are just easier to do at a middle level than others. My unathletic kid really likes rock climbing and is able to enjoy any afternoon at the climbing gym with kids who are much better than him since they can both be working on different routes next to each other - each one working on something that is challenging for their level. I would try to find a sport like that. Or maybe switch altogether to something like robotics or scouts. Your kid can still find ways to get exercise.

[Anonymous]

Help your son find a sport that he actually enjoys. It sounds like you’re trying to push him to stay at a sport where he does not have any intrinsic enjoyment. Of course that would suck.

Kids prefer to move in different ways, find different sports more enjoyable than others. My hugely, muscular son is built for football but loves basketball. He will probably never be as good at basketball as he is at football, no matter how hard he works. He still loves the game. He hates baseball, was meh about lacrosse and hockey, was neutral about soccer.

I have no idea why he loves basketball so much more than other sports but he’s got a lot of intrinsic motivation for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a teen boy, you do need to be at or near the top to enjoy something. No one likes visibly struggling in front of peers. I think you’re expecting too much maturity from him

So what do you suggest for the 98% of teen boys who like the sports but aren’t at or near the top to do? Only about 2% will be good enough to play sports in college.

If that were the case there would be no children’s or teen sports teams. Not enough kids meet that criteria.

[Anonymous]

This is a good life lesson. Hard work is only one part of the equation, and sometimes it’s just luck, connections or being born with natural talent.

I had a friend who was a volleyball coach who said, “you can’t teach someone to be tall”. Stuck with me.

Don’t try to overcorrect for dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

It is frustrating to put in a lot of hard work and then be passed up by someone who rolls off the couch and is naturally better at the sport. As parents, we try to teach that hard work gets rewarded, but in the real world, it doesn’t always get rewarded in the way the person wants. Sometimes you have to switch from extrinsic rewards (roster spots) to intrinsic (personal goals, fitness, fun, socialization). That way, your son will feel more in control.

Even if hard work isn’t rewarded, it’s never wasted. The effort your son puts in will serve him well elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

There is a disconnect between your desire to develop confidence in him, and your wanting to push him to continue doing something he does not have natural talent at.

It can be very demoralizing for kids to be in an environment that plays to their weaknesses all the time. Putting in more work and still being mediocre is really bad for their confidence and self-worth.

Find something that he is good at and encourage that he spend his efforts there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of this is going to come down to genetics. My son eventually quit all of his sports after all of those years of practices, trainers, coaching, all of it. I think the PP is right, it’s just too hard for some of them who are never going to get playing time no matter what. All of the private training and grit isn’t going to make up for genetics.

He still lifts weights and now does it just for enjoyment and health. It wasn’t all for nothing and no one ends up playing sports forever anyway[b].

Not true. I was on the varsity tennis team in high school, and I still play tennis four times a week at the age of 57.

[Anonymous]

The Boston Globe Parenting email just had an article that helped put this topic in perspective for me. There were no grand 'ahas' but it went through the myriad of emotions both your child and you may feel if/when s/he is cut from a team. Perhaps it will be helpful to you too: https://www.pressreader.com/usa/the-boston-globe/20240913/282243785974780

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's tough, but for boys I emphasize developing enough skill to play a pick-up game. No need to be the best, but enough to understand the game, know the rules, and participate. A huge part of sports is also socializing and learning how to get along with a group of people and being part of a team. Remember, the vast, vast majority of HS athletes do not compete on their college teams. The life lessons of HS sports lie elsewhere.

And it is equally important that boys know there are other ways to socialize and live your life. Sports is only one way, and it is OK to choose another way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a teen boy, you do need to be at or near the top to enjoy something. No one likes visibly struggling in front of peers. I think you’re expecting too much maturity from him

Oy! So much wrong with this mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you encourage your child who is not naturally strong and fast but has done okay in sports due to hard work? They practice on their own every single day but then some kids can just jump into a sport and be really fast and strong without doing the work. DC is getting discouraged and saying things like maybe I should just concentrate on my school work because some subjects do come naturally to DC without studying.

We don't expect DC to play in college or anything but we'd like them to feel confident and enjoy sports as an adult in the future. How do you encourage your DC and make them understand that hard work for the sake of hard work is sometimes good and that you don't need to be at the top to enjoy something?

Maybe he should concentrate on schoolwork, if that is what will let him shine. This will build his confidence. I bet you there are currently many kids better than your son in the very subject he is talented in.

You are not building his confidence by making him work hard at something he is not talented in, and watching other boys leapfrogging him. Not sure your approach is going to make him enjoy sport as adult, either. Hard work without results does not make you confident.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the sport. Tennis, as one pp pointed out, is hard to make without some gift and coordination.
Football? Maybe, if they can run and be helpful to a team. If there is no hand and eye coordination and balance, sports can be tough.