Women who have attended elite NYC private high schools

[Anonymous]

OK, I was not sure where to post this. I am dating this wonderful man and we are taking a trip to NYC at the end of the month to meet his mom and two sisters.

All I know is that they have attended Chapin and Brearly schools and that this is something that women in his family have done for generations.

I feel a bit intimidated. I’ve never met or interacted with women from such circles. I guess I am looking for some insight and guidance, specifically what are these women like? How do they dress and what are their mannerisms? How can I make a good impression in terms of how I present myself, outfit and all? I really do want them to like me.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, don't treat these women like stereotypes/caricatures based on what DCUM says. Be nice, be yourself, and this is probably easier said than done, but quit being intimidated.

[Anonymous]

They will probably be quite gracious. People from those circles typically have great social skills. Relax and enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I was not sure where to post this. I am dating this wonderful man and we are taking a trip to NYC at the end of the month to meet his mom and two sisters.

All I know is that they have attended Chapin and Brearly schools and that this is something that women in his family have done for generations.

I feel a bit intimidated. I’ve never met or interacted with women from such circles. I guess I am looking for some insight and guidance, specifically what are these women like? How do they dress and what are their mannerisms? How can I make a good impression in terms of how I present myself, outfit and all? I really do want them to like me.

First, snobs are snobs, whether they attended Brearley or BCC for generations, it is what it is. Second, there is no ONE Chapin woman or Brearley. Yes, there are some who are of a particular type, but that’s not each alum. Third, the most important thing is to be yourself and be comfortable with who you are.

So ask the wonderful man more about the weekend - where are you staying, what will you be doing, etc? All to say, you want to be prepared for contingencies - you may eat at home and go out one or two times for dinner and casual wear is fine. Or you may learn that they are dining at the club and you should be ready with the right attire if there is a dress code. Some guys might not realize they should be letting their lady friend know more details about the weekend and how that intersects with what to pack.

Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

I would not try to hard with your clothes or stray far from what you already wear-- too many potential pitfalls.

Are you staying with his family? And what will you be doing? Get info about restaurants or any outings before you go so you have something appropriate. End of September is honestly easy-- for most things a good pair of straight leg jeans and a sweater will be fine. Bring a dress or two for dinner or drinks at night.

The concessions is make to the fact that his mom and sisters are NYC wealthy: do not wear cheap shoes or carry a cheap bag. This does NOT mean to buy some designer items you think they'd approve of. It just means being real leather shoes and a purse in good condition -- it's totally fine if it's Madewell or Coach outlet or something, they won't care about that. And similar with jewelry-- quirky jewelry is fine if that's your usual look but avoid CHEAP jewelry just for it's own sake. Wear the best quality stuff you have or skip it altogether.

Otherwise just be yourself and try not to think about how you look. There's actually a broad range of approaches to fashion and beauty from families who attend this schools-- could be designer everything, trendy, or super understated and even casual. They will know quality in sight but no way to know if they'll judge you for how you dress or not. That's not really important though. Your personality is the biggest factor and if their son/brother likes you well enough to take you to meet them, that's probably already going to be fine. Remind yourself that if they hate you upon meeting you, that's more a reflection of their own issues than anything you did wrong.

[Anonymous]

I know a Chapin grad who is a masseuse in Wyoming. Another who follows Phish for a living.
I know several Brearley grads who dress mostly in cargo pants and t-shirts.
My point is, they come in all shapes and sizes. If they are in their 40s or 50s, they are probably a lot more down to earth than you think.

[Anonymous]

Current nyc private school mom and also private school alumna here. We don’t care. Be yourself, be kind and courteous. If you love and respect our family we will likely love and respect you.
Wear something that makes you feel comfortable and beautiful (or at least confident). Wear clothing appropriate for the occasion and weather.
I’m pretty low-key but honestly so are most of the families I know from school. I have zero interest in hanging out with the ones who have to have the latest fashions and care who doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Just be yourself and have proper comportment. It's less appealing if you are 'try to hard' to prove yourself or something like that. Also, practice speaking less. Let them talk more. It just makes people like you're more in general, and it seems like that's something you're concerned with. Have fun!

[Anonymous]

Please report back, OP! I hope it goes well. Just be yourself!

[Anonymous]

Most alums I know from very fancy schools, NCS and STA included, are very laid back fashion wise. Don’t overdo the makeup, don’t wear anything you wouldn’t usually wear. Be yourself entirely.

[Anonymous]

The only billionaire lady l know is into horses and dogs and trucks. She loves gear for her hobbies and likes nice clothes but not logos, and kind of looks down on stuff that’s overpriced. If you have shared hobbies that’s a great way to connect.

Her mom wears a lot of chanel though, which to me is an example of overpriced. That being said her mom didn’t grow up wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Wear clothes that don't have pictures or words. Solid colors are best. No neon. Put your boobs away - no cleavage.

[Anonymous]

This is hilarious. My best friend went to one of these schools. She is an overweight schlump with social anxiety who shops at TJ Maxx (and I love her). Women who attend top tier privates are not all the same. Don't go in with any preconceptions.

[Anonymous]

Yeah this is really not a big issue. The fact that you are very worked up about it is a big red flag that I am sure his family will picknup on quickly. Eager to get your feet under the table?

[Anonymous]

My H graduated from one of the all-boys equivalents. He has impeccable manners and is very well-spoken. He also still wears Phish tshirts from 1999. Don’t overthink this.