8 yo - Agressive behavior. Please share your success stories...

[Anonymous]

I'm seeking some hope and positivity as we navigate a challenging time with our 8-year-old. He gets easily frustrated and has become increasingly dysregulated, leading to aggressive and violent outbursts. When things don’t go his way, he kicks, punches, and curses. Just yesterday, he pushed his brother hard—thankfully, onto a playmat. After these incidents, he often punishes himself, hitting his head and saying he’s the worst and doesn’t want to be this way. It’s heartbreaking to see him struggle like this, especially since he’s such an exemplary child at school and in other people’s homes.

If you’ve been through something similar, what strategies or approaches worked for you? We’re currently exploring therapy options, but I’d appreciate any insights from those who have been on this journey.

[Anonymous]

What is the diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Following. Have a quick to set off 9 yo DS that is also an exemplary student and great summer camper with several friends. Also experience the cursing, disregulation, and physical aggression at home. Neuropsych turned up nothing. Physical Aggression has diminished somewhat over time but still there.

[Anonymous]

We worked with a therapist but we were dealing with some OCPT.

We did challenges like we are going to get ice cream… then say can’t go , this is a challenge and he’d have to learn to deal with the change in plan. But this was under a therapists help.

Also we sat with him in timeout, didn’t give attention just sat and read a magazine. No leaving him alone. We’d say can we do anything to help you calm down but otherwise no talking,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm seeking some hope and positivity as we navigate a challenging time with our 8-year-old. He gets easily frustrated and has become increasingly dysregulated, leading to aggressive and violent outbursts. When things don’t go his way, he kicks, punches, and curses. Just yesterday, he pushed his brother hard—thankfully, onto a playmat. After these incidents, he often punishes himself, hitting his head and saying he’s the worst and doesn’t want to be this way. It’s heartbreaking to see him struggle like this, especially since he’s such an exemplary child at school and in other people’s homes.

If you’ve been through something similar, what strategies or approaches worked for you? We’re currently exploring therapy options, but I’d appreciate any insights from those who have been on this journey.

That's common. They mask when out and about and unleash at home. My 9YO ADHD kid is the same way, although the physical portion has lessened with maturity. Now I'd say he and his little brother are no more physical than other sets of brothers around their age, for the most part.

Have you had a full eval yet? Any other dx?

[Anonymous]

Before you can move forward with anything we might suggest, you honestly need to get him evaluated so that you know what is going on and how you can best help him.

[Anonymous]

OP I just posted something similar in the Elem school forum and then came over to special needs and saw this.

Here is my post.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1226111.page

What next steps are you taking? I know this is weird for dcum, but lmk if you want to try to get in touch.

[Anonymous]

First and foremost--meds if there is a diagnosis. Only then will he be ready for therapy. Parent training. Keep things calm after school.

[Anonymous]

Give him a very physical alternative. Hang a punching bag in the garage. Tell him to go hit/punch/kick that when he starts to feel frustrated.

[Anonymous]

The only thing that worked for our very physical (but emotionally mellow) kid was meds.

[Anonymous]

OP here. No diagnosis yet but we have him scheduled for an evaluation with a clinical psychologist. We have offered the physical alternative one poster suggested (a punching bag in the basement) but he does not use it for this purpose.

It seems that some of you have mentioned meds as a necessary measure. I’m not going to lie. Meds scare me a bit. However I’m not opposed to them if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I just posted something similar in the Elem school forum and then came over to special needs and saw this.

Here is my post.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1226111.page

What next steps are you taking? I know this is weird for dcum, but lmk if you want to try to get in touch.

Thank you, PP. I’ll read your thread. Next steps are evaluation and therapy sessions… we are not exploring meds yet…

[Anonymous]

Parent coaching/therapy/training - different practices call it different things - was what worked for us. PCIT or PMT are two of the modalities often used. We were doing all the wrong things leading up to and in response to aggression. Also, an 8 year old is not likely to learn to stay calm when he’s already gone over the edge, or remember to move to the basement. Aggression is so impulsive. It’s most important for the parents to respond in a calm and effective way.

Dr. Dan Shapiro classes are also really helpful.
https://www.parentchildjourney.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him a very physical alternative. Hang a punching bag in the garage. Tell him to go hit/punch/kick that when he starts to feel frustrated.

There are mixed opinions on this type of suggestion. Many believe that it is reinforcing the idea that violence is an appropriate way to let out frustration. It can be more beneficial in the long term to work on more adaptive coping strategies. Or, if a child needs a physical outlet, give them something physical but non-violent (trampoline, jumping jacks). Yes, redirecting aggression to appropriate objects instead of people is progress, but can reinforce physical acting out.