On the cusp of empty nesting: Anxious, bored and lost

[Anonymous]

Are those feelings typical? I feel like my entire life for early two decades has revolved around my kids. I work but a boring, for the paycheck and benefits sort of job.I have huge anxiety about the college process, and I feel so lost that whenever I have down time, aside from chores, meals, I simply don't have the mental bandwidth or desire to do anything: Going out is not interesting, can't find a good book to read, podcasts aren't even interesting anymore...Do these feelings eventually sort themselves out if you went through that phase?

[Anonymous]

I get it. You are not used to meeting your own needs, so you have no idea what they even are.

Congratulations on doing the important job of raising kids. I also took a paid job I did not love, because it provided money and allowed me to put my child first.

Once your kids are settled into adult life, you will have much more time. You will miss them but will slowly rediscover what you enjoy. It will be okay.

[Anonymous]

No this isn’t normal. You should have your own life and your child, not you, should be stressed about college. Join things and get hobbies now.

[Anonymous]

I think its pretty normal, OP. My kids are in 12th grade now and I'm not a million miles away from what you're experiencing.

[Anonymous]

I have completed my first week as an empty nester. It. Was. Glorious. I slept great, ate healthily, worked out a ton, worked on my side job, went on a hike, picked up my instrument, and did some decluttering. It feels so freeing not to have anyone else around that needs catering to. No one asking for a conversation at 9:45 PM when I'm ready to crash. No one to worry when they will get home. Glorious. I even got the car detailed so it doesn't have teen stink in it.

It helps that college is going well for the kids, but I am really done with the drudgery of parenting and ready for the next phase!

[Anonymous]

I just launched one and still have one more at home for 4 years. I love my kids but I really look forward to empty nest time. I want to do so many things!

[Anonymous]

This is depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No this isn’t normal. You should have your own life and your child, not you, should be stressed about college. Join things and get hobbies now.

Come on, PP. This isn't helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. You are not used to meeting your own needs, so you have no idea what they even are.

Congratulations on doing the important job of raising kids. I also took a paid job I did not love, because it provided money and allowed me to put my child first.

Once your kids are settled into adult life, you will have much more time. You will miss them but will slowly rediscover what you enjoy. It will be okay.

Great post (well said and I think very true)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No this isn’t normal. You should have your own life and your child, not you, should be stressed about college. Join things and get hobbies now.

Come on, PP. This isn't helpful.

Not sure why you think it's not helpful to tell someone who lets their life revolve around their kids to build more of a life for themselves, and how. Seems pretty much like the definition of help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have completed my first week as an empty nester. It. Was. Glorious. I slept great, ate healthily, worked out a ton, worked on my side job, went on a hike, picked up my instrument, and did some decluttering. It feels so freeing not to have anyone else around that needs catering to. No one asking for a conversation at 9:45 PM when I'm ready to crash. No one to worry when they will get home. Glorious. I even got the car detailed so it doesn't have teen stink in it.

It helps that college is going well for the kids, but I am really done with the drudgery of parenting and ready for the next phase!

This made me smile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have completed my first week as an empty nester. It. Was. Glorious. I slept great, ate healthily, worked out a ton, worked on my side job, went on a hike, picked up my instrument, and did some decluttering. It feels so freeing not to have anyone else around that needs catering to. No one asking for a conversation at 9:45 PM when I'm ready to crash. No one to worry when they will get home. Glorious. I even got the car detailed so it doesn't have teen stink in it.

It helps that college is going well for the kids, but I am really done with the drudgery of parenting and ready for the next phase!

NP here with a HS kid. Did you expect to feel this way/were you looking forward to an empty nest? Or were you dreading it but pleasantly surprised?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have completed my first week as an empty nester. It. Was. Glorious. I slept great, ate healthily, worked out a ton, worked on my side job, went on a hike, picked up my instrument, and did some decluttering. It feels so freeing not to have anyone else around that needs catering to. No one asking for a conversation at 9:45 PM when I'm ready to crash. No one to worry when they will get home. Glorious. I even got the car detailed so it doesn't have teen stink in it.

It helps that college is going well for the kids, but I am really done with the drudgery of parenting and ready for the next phase!

This made me smile.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No this isn’t normal. You should have your own life and your child, not you, should be stressed about college. Join things and get hobbies now.

Come on, PP. This isn't helpful.

Not sure why you think it's not helpful to tell someone who lets their life revolve around their kids to build more of a life for themselves, and how. Seems pretty much like the definition of help.

Np. I kind of get.this, but mine are younger, and everything else in my life already feels meaningless in comparison. I am trying to pick up other things instead of kid-related things (e.g.,.pta etc) but anything else just feels so empty. I see myself marching towards having my life revolve around my kids because nothing else seems even close to as worthwhile to me. How do people avoid this?

[Anonymous]

Yes, they do somewhat (at least in my case) however it does take time ➕ effort.

To avoid feeling isolated + to keep boredom at bay, this would be an excellent time for you to edge a little out of your comfort zone.

Try signing up for a free or low-cost class at an Adult Ed Centre.
Some ideas would possibly be yoga, cake decorating….even taking a computer course to keep you updated!
Also you may also consider investing your time volunteering for something that you have great passion for.

Love animals??
You could volunteer at your local animal shelter assisting in the care of homeless animals.
Or if you are patient & want to do something where you can make a HUGE difference in someone’s life -> perhaps volunteer to teach another adult how to read!

There are many things you can donate your time and services to.
A volunteer opportunity can not only make you feel great that you are making a difference in the world > it can also encourage you to meet a lot of new people as well!

Good luck!