How to help son with embarrassing situation?

[Anonymous]

Posting anonymously as people who know us are on here, and my son would disown me if he knew I’d posted about this, even anonymously, but I’m really not sure what best to do to help him in a really difficult situation.

So, my son is 11 and starting his new school next week. He’s a lovely lad, and has always surrounded himself with great friends. He had a friend around for a sleepover last night after they’d been out playing football most of the day in the sun. No trouble, they were actually both fast asleep much earlier than I expected, clearly worn out from running around all day.

Unfortunately, for the first time in at least 5 years, he wet the bed! He’s absolutely devastated, and I just don’t know what to do to help reassure him. This morning when they woke up I think he was just in shock, he was very quiet and didn’t really react much - a couple of tears away from his friend as I was ushering him into the bathroom, but he pretty much just shut it out and tried to pretend it hadn’t happened.

His friend wasn’t unkind, but didn’t say much either, and it was a bit awkward. He left much sooner than he usually would, and son has been very quiet all day. I’ve tried to reassure him that these things happen, its almost certainly just a one off as he was so tired and had drank a lot more yesterday with being so active and then last night whilst sat watching videos with his friend, but at the same time don’t want to make a ‘thing’ of it and embarrass him any more.

This afternoon he broke down, absolutely sobbing and my heart just broke for him. He’s mortified, and so worried that his friend now thinks he’s a baby who wets his bed all the time. He’s also terrified that he’ll tell others, and that everybody at his new school will know what happened. And, understandably, he’s panicking that it’s going to happen again tonight.

We’ve had a bit of a cuddle (a rarity these days!) and I’ve tried my best to reassure him that his friend is a nice lad and probably just feels embarrassed for him, glad it wasn’t him who had an accident, and absolutely won’t want to hut him by telling anybody else. That there may be a bit of friendly ribbing, and no doubt when he’s 18/21 or getting married he’ll be reminded of it, but that it’s absolutely not the end of the world. He’s calmed down now and distracting himself with Fortnite, but he’s still not himself and I know it’s eating away at him. For such a happy, confident young lad just setting off on his next adventure at school I don’t want this to dent his confidence, and I’m not sure what else I can say or do to help.

Any advice greatly appreciated, as I can’t ask anybody in real life without him packing his bags and moving out!

[Anonymous]

DD is 10 and her friend wet the bed when she was staying a night at our house this summer. Friend was very upset but DD has never mentioned it apart from when it immediately happened, and that was to get her friend some clean clothes. I think DD was embarrassed on behalf of her friend (not embarrassed because of her friend, if that makes sense).

Poor kiddo. It will blow over but things like that can seem very magnified to kids.

[Anonymous]

DS is the same age and it was actually his friend who had an accident at our house and there were another 2 boys there too. I know one of the other boys kind of gave him a weird look. The other boy laughed and said "gross!" And then moved on. Circumstances meant all the boys spent the day together. It was very quickly forgotten. As far as I know nothing was repeated at school. Those 3 boys have had sleepovers with DS many times since and no one brings it up.

It'll blow over, but I 100% understand why he's upset. I think the key is to just not bring it up unless he does.

[Anonymous]

This happened twice with my son’s friend when he was 10 and then 12. Once at our house and once at a camp that they both went to. My son never said a word. I think it will be the same in this case.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the front thought it was something else…

[Anonymous]

You could have his pediatrician reassure him this is normal at his next scheduled interaction with them (and you could always create an earlier scheduled interaction on some other issue if you found helpful). I think my child hearing from their pediatrician that their brain was just still processing holding it for nighttime reassured them in a way that I could not.

[Anonymous]

I'd stop talking about it. Let him push it out of his mind and forget about it as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

Can u talk to the other Mom, and just say your kid is super embarrassed and is concerned friend will say something?
If I got a call like that from you I’d talk to my kid about being kind etc and not doing anything to further embarrass a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can u talk to the other Mom, and just say your kid is super embarrassed and is concerned friend will say something?
If I got a call like that from you I’d talk to my kid about being kind etc and not doing anything to further embarrass a good friend.

This was my inclination, too. Not sure if it could backfire somehow though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can u talk to the other Mom, and just say your kid is super embarrassed and is concerned friend will say something?
If I got a call like that from you I’d talk to my kid about being kind etc and not doing anything to further embarrass a good friend.

Noooo - they will forget about it if you don't make a big deal about it.

[Anonymous]

Were they sharing a bed?

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all of your helpful suggestions, much appreciated.

I did wonder about contacting the friends Mom to see if she'd discreetly have a word, but thought it may just draw more attention to things and make the situation worse.

Think you're all right, the best approach is not to mention it again (I didn't, DS brought it up when he got upset earlier) and hope he can put it behind him and move on, but obviously be here for him if he does need me, and keep a closer eye on how he's doing over the next week or so when starting back at school.

Not sure who's responded above, however no they weren't sharing a bed! If some sick person is trying to get their kicks off the back of my sons embarrassment, please do one!

[Anonymous]

I mean yeah he's probably going to tell other people about it, not much you can do about that. They're sixth graders right? I can't imagine something doesn't get said about it. On the bright side other dumb things happen so the odds people focus on this for more than a few weeks are low.

[Anonymous]

Tell him that even big kids can have an accident and it’s really not a big deal. It’s not anything he should feel embarrassed about. Unless his friend was teasing him I would just assume he would probably like to forget it happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for all of your helpful suggestions, much appreciated.

I did wonder about contacting the friends Mom to see if she'd discreetly have a word, but thought it may just draw more attention to things and make the situation worse.

Think you're all right, the best approach is not to mention it again (I didn't, DS brought it up when he got upset earlier) and hope he can put it behind him and move on, but obviously be here for him if he does need me, and keep a closer eye on how he's doing over the next week or so when starting back at school.

Not sure who's responded above, however no they weren't sharing a bed! If some sick person is trying to get their kicks off the back of my sons embarrassment, please do one!

The responses have now been removed, so I look like I'm going mad! Somebody had responded to the question about them sharing a bed as if they were me...

Thanks again. I'm not going to mention it again unless he does, he knows he can talk to me if he needs to and if it leads to any bullying then I'll step in and help however I can, but hopefully it'll blow over and be a long forgotten memory soon.

It would have to happen the night he had a friend here, wouldn't it? Any other night I'm sure it'd have been embarrassing enough, but probably easier to forget, but with a friend here just compounded the embarrassment.