How to help son with embarrassing situation?

[Anonymous]

I’m confused if they weren’t sharing a bed how did the friend know he pissed the bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused if they weren’t sharing a bed how did the friend know he pissed the bed?

The smell? The mom whisking away the bedding to launder it?

[Anonymous]

It happened. You talked about it. Now time to move him. Stop talking about it unless he brings it up. Let him sulk, be embarrassed, stay in his room or however he wants to cope. Don’t keeping talking about and def don’t call the other kid’s mom. Just move on. He will get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can u talk to the other Mom, and just say your kid is super embarrassed and is concerned friend will say something?
If I got a call like that from you I’d talk to my kid about being kind etc and not doing anything to further embarrass a good friend.

+1 this is what I would do too

[Anonymous]

Share an embarrassing story of your own

[Anonymous]

I’ve babysat for kids close to this age who were still wearing diapers for nighttime so one little accident he should shrug off. Also boys that age find gross bodily stuff like pee hilarious. He will forget about it sooner than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve babysat for kids close to this age who were still wearing diapers for nighttime so one little accident he should shrug off. Also boys that age find gross bodily stuff like pee hilarious. He will forget about it sooner than you think.

Diapers in 6th grade? That's highly unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve babysat for kids close to this age who were still wearing diapers for nighttime so one little accident he should shrug off. Also boys that age find gross bodily stuff like pee hilarious. He will forget about it sooner than you think.

Diapers in 6th grade? That's highly unusual.

Just at night and they can usually manage them by themselves so they feel independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve babysat for kids close to this age who were still wearing diapers for nighttime so one little accident he should shrug off. Also boys that age find gross bodily stuff like pee hilarious. He will forget about it sooner than you think.

Diapers in 6th grade? That's highly unusual.

How do you know it’s highly unusual? Are you a urologist? Studies show that between 2-3% of 12 year olds wet the bed occasionally. If a child that age is a very deep sleeper and didn’t pee before bed it can easily happen. It’s not highly unusual at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posting anonymously as people who know us are on here, and my son would disown me if he knew I’d posted about this, even anonymously, but I’m really not sure what best to do to help him in a really difficult situation.

So, my son is 11 and starting his new school next week. He’s a lovely lad, and has always surrounded himself with great friends. He had a friend around for a sleepover last night after they’d been out playing football most of the day in the sun. No trouble, they were actually both fast asleep much earlier than I expected, clearly worn out from running around all day.

Unfortunately, for the first time in at least 5 years, he wet the bed! He’s absolutely devastated, and I just don’t know what to do to help reassure him. This morning when they woke up I think he was just in shock, he was very quiet and didn’t really react much - a couple of tears away from his friend as I was ushering him into the bathroom, but he pretty much just shut it out and tried to pretend it hadn’t happened.

His friend wasn’t unkind, but didn’t say much either, and it was a bit awkward. He left much sooner than he usually would, and son has been very quiet all day. I’ve tried to reassure him that these things happen, its almost certainly just a one off as he was so tired and had drank a lot more yesterday with being so active and then last night whilst sat watching videos with his friend, but at the same time don’t want to make a ‘thing’ of it and embarrass him any more.

This afternoon he broke down, absolutely sobbing and my heart just broke for him. He’s mortified, and so worried that his friend now thinks he’s a baby who wets his bed all the time. He’s also terrified that he’ll tell others, and that everybody at his new school will know what happened. And, understandably, he’s panicking that it’s going to happen again tonight.

We’ve had a bit of a cuddle (a rarity these days!) and I’ve tried my best to reassure him that his friend is a nice lad and probably just feels embarrassed for him, glad it wasn’t him who had an accident, and absolutely won’t want to hut him by telling anybody else. That there may be a bit of friendly ribbing, and no doubt when he’s 18/21 or getting married he’ll be reminded of it, but that it’s absolutely not the end of the world. He’s calmed down now and distracting himself with Fortnite, but he’s still not himself and I know it’s eating away at him. For such a happy, confident young lad just setting off on his next adventure at school I don’t want this to dent his confidence, and I’m not sure what else I can say or do to help.

Any advice greatly appreciated, as I can’t ask anybody in real life without him packing his bags and moving out!

There is not much you can do except support him. He will eventually forget about it and his friends will as well. Kids that age can be heartless with their comments, but they will eventually move on.

When I was 13, I accidently pooped in my underwear at a friend’s birthday party/sleepover. It went unnoticed for a while, so I somehow thought ignoring it was the best tactic. It didn’t work and my friends didn’t let me forget for a while after. They eventually did and moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve babysat for kids close to this age who were still wearing diapers for nighttime so one little accident he should shrug off. Also boys that age find gross bodily stuff like pee hilarious. He will forget about it sooner than you think.

Diapers in 6th grade? That's highly unusual.

I worked at a boys camp several summers for boys ages 8-16. While I don’t know a number, I can tell you that the infirmary stocked several packages of adult and large kids sized diapers/pull ups/depends, whatever you want to call them. So while it may not be most boys, clearly several do still have issues with bed wetting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve babysat for kids close to this age who were still wearing diapers for nighttime so one little accident he should shrug off. Also boys that age find gross bodily stuff like pee hilarious. He will forget about it sooner than you think.

Diapers in 6th grade? That's highly unusual.

I worked at a boys camp several summers for boys ages 8-16. While I don’t know a number, I can tell you that the infirmary stocked several packages of adult and large kids sized diapers/pull ups/depends, whatever you want to call them. So while it may not be most boys, clearly several do still have issues with bed wetting

Just because they were stocked doesn't mean they were used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can u talk to the other Mom, and just say your kid is super embarrassed and is concerned friend will say something?
If I got a call like that from you I’d talk to my kid about being kind etc and not doing anything to further embarrass a good friend.

+1 this is what I would do too

+2 given the age, I’d briefly appeal to the mom for help and really hope that works to keep it quiet. Then never mention it to your son or anyone else again.

[Anonymous]

If he get to a place where he’s casual about it, it’ll help him if anyone finds out. I mean, we all have accidents of various kinds during life. The body is unpredictable. Point out to him that his friend will realize he obviously doesn’t do this all the time because if he did, he’d wear some kind of diaper at night. For all he knows, his friend has had the same thing happened so was quiet because he was thinking “What if that was me while I slept at a friend’s house?”

If your son is chill about it (even if he’s just faking), it won’t become a thing. Don’t let anyone see him get embarrassed, because kids smell blood in the water and they’ll realize there’s grist for the bullying mill. If he shrugs, laughs, says “yeah that was a surprise” or whatever in a matter-of-fact way, it should be ok.

[Anonymous]

OP, if they shared a bed, what’s the big deal? For instance, if your son has a full-sized bed and they shared it, why are you reacting so strongly? It doesn’t necessarily mean anything sexual.