Boundaries in a long term marriage

[Anonymous]

I always read that you have to set boundaries in your relationship, when you want to be treated with respect and decency. How do you do this if the other spouse continually disrespects you and treats you like garbage. The only consequence you have left is to get a divorce?

[Anonymous]

therapy. Separation. Working toward better behavior, but the other spouse has to be willing to acknowledge the dynamic and both have to be willing to change.

[Anonymous]

I see no evidence that OP needs to change.

It's rarely that one sided. But sometimes it actually is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always read that you have to set boundaries in your relationship, when you want to be treated with respect and decency. How do you do this if the other spouse continually disrespects you and treats you like garbage. The only consequence you have left is to get a divorce?

You take enough time dating and cohabiting to make sure you two are compatible and capable of respecting boundaries.

[Anonymous]

*cohabitating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always read that you have to set boundaries in your relationship, when you want to be treated with respect and decency. How do you do this if the other spouse continually disrespects you and treats you like garbage. The only consequence you have left is to get a divorce?

You take enough time dating and cohabiting to make sure you two are compatible and capable of respecting boundaries.

This response is unhelpful and misses the point. This is about boundaries in a marriage, specifically with children. Dating and cohabiting phase is over. The question wasn’t retrospective - what could have been done differently. It was forward looking - what can I do in this situation from NOW ON. Responders often get this wrong.

[Anonymous]

Day 1. Do not indulge
Manipulation. The end.

[Anonymous]

Can you give some examples?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you give some examples?

Vile and baseless insults, really crazy stuff. Not going to repeat them here but nothing a civilized person would say.

[Anonymous]

How long term is this marriage? If you are an empty nester move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you give some examples?

Vile and baseless insults, really crazy stuff. Not going to repeat them here but nothing a civilized person would say.

Boundaries are not about changing the other person. Boundaries are about what you will accept, where is your line.

Sometimes to maintain your boundary, you cannnot stay with a person who makes vile baseless insults.

[Anonymous]

You can make boundaries, but that doesn't mean they will be respected.

It's a good idea to convey what the outcome of violating a boundary will be. "If you refer to me in disrespectful ways, I will....(walk away, make an appointment for marriage counseling, file for divorce and move out, etc.).

[Anonymous]

People misunderstand boundaries as “the way I want people to treat me and they must comply”. They aren’t. Boundaries are about what you can do and are prepared to do. So if your husband calls you vile names but you need him for money and have no other pressure levers, you don’t have a boundary. Bc no matter how many times you say “you can’t treat me this way”, he knows he can.

[Anonymous]

I’d get out of that situation. He won’t change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always read that you have to set boundaries in your relationship, when you want to be treated with respect and decency. How do you do this if the other spouse continually disrespects you and treats you like garbage. The only consequence you have left is to get a divorce?

You take enough time dating and cohabiting to make sure you two are compatible and capable of respecting boundaries.

Yup