DEI and blaming feedback on racism

[Anonymous]

Looking for some genuine advice and perhaps just ranting.

I am someone who definitely believes systemic rasism exists and is pervasive. But I also think it’s being used as a crutch and I don’t know how to reconcile the two.

I am a senior leader at my company. I have to make hard decisions on things, deciding how we move forward with strategy and where we invest. In other words, I have to say no a lot. I always work to explain my decisions and paths to getting to a yes. Most of the time folks are understanding. But in recent months I’ve had three separate times where I’ve had to say no or give feedback to a staff member of color (typically on the senior end of mid level). In each of these cases I’m met with the response that I’m being racist and only say no or taking action or whatever it might be because that staff member is Black. I am very careful to check my biases, and I’m confident that I would make the same decision regardless of who the staff member was given the circumstances. But it doesn’t stop accusations of racism from flying and a true guilt trip to get me to say yes.

I admit I may have more internal bias than I realize but I am confident racism was not at play in these decisions. It is had for me to not feel like I have to tip toe around these staff members for fear of being accused of racism… and that just makes things worse because then I am treating them differently.

I just feel like I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Black person here. You are not racist because sometimes you must say no to a person of color. The whole white guilt thing has gotten out of control.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t give people clear instructions or context of what you hope to do, and go on to say no when the teams have done a lot of works it’s
Officially in the HR book as a bully behavior.

Next time just lay out what needs to be done and tell them you don’t need creativity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some genuine advice and perhaps just ranting.

I am someone who definitely believes systemic rasism exists and is pervasive. But I also think it’s being used as a crutch and I don’t know how to reconcile the two.

I am a senior leader at my company. I have to make hard decisions on things, deciding how we move forward with strategy and where we invest. In other words, I have to say no a lot. I always work to explain my decisions and paths to getting to a yes. Most of the time folks are understanding. But in recent months I’ve had three separate times where I’ve had to say no or give feedback to a staff member of color (typically on the senior end of mid level). In each of these cases I’m met with the response that I’m being racist and only say no or taking action or whatever it might be because that staff member is Black. I am very careful to check my biases, and I’m confident that I would make the same decision regardless of who the staff member was given the circumstances. But it doesn’t stop accusations of racism from flying and a true guilt trip to get me to say yes.

I admit I may have more internal bias than I realize but I am confident racism was not at play in these decisions. It is had for me to not feel like I have to tip toe around these staff members for fear of being accused of racism… and that just makes things worse because then I am treating them differently.

I just feel like I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t in this situation.

I'm going to suggest you go a step further than self-evaluation and evaluate how the organization as a whole behaves. Because you either have three senior midlevels that have a bit of screw loose or they perceive that their ideas are being rejected because they are black based on their experiences in the company. Neither one of those scenarios is great.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I think most of us try to find reasons outside of ourselves when we receive unfavorable decisions. Racism, sexism, favoritism, other -isms creep in to our explanations.

Is there a way to incorporate a formal feedback loop when employees receive a negative response? You wrote that you have clear reasons for denial and a path to yes. I would consider something like this, just to provide independent documentation of your decision-making when and if you get called to answer these accusations.

Other than that, if there was a different dynamic at play, not race but age or sex, and you were called sexist or ageist, how would you move forward?

[Anonymous]

Without specifics it’s hard to know whether it’s possible, but the more you can outline in advance a consistent framework via which decisions are made, the clearer it should be how you arrived there, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some genuine advice and perhaps just ranting.

I am someone who definitely believes systemic rasism exists and is pervasive. But I also think it’s being used as a crutch and I don’t know how to reconcile the two.

I am a senior leader at my company. I have to make hard decisions on things, deciding how we move forward with strategy and where we invest. In other words, I have to say no a lot. I always work to explain my decisions and paths to getting to a yes. Most of the time folks are understanding. But in recent months I’ve had three separate times where I’ve had to say no or give feedback to a staff member of color (typically on the senior end of mid level). In each of these cases I’m met with the response that I’m being racist and only say no or taking action or whatever it might be because that staff member is Black. I am very careful to check my biases, and I’m confident that I would make the same decision regardless of who the staff member was given the circumstances. But it doesn’t stop accusations of racism from flying and a true guilt trip to get me to say yes.

I admit I may have more internal bias than I realize but I am confident racism was not at play in these decisions. It is had for me to not feel like I have to tip toe around these staff members for fear of being accused of racism… and that just makes things worse because then I am treating them differently.

I just feel like I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t in this situation.

The bolded sentence is interesting framing.

Have you asked the staff in question why they perceive your actions/decisions as being racist?

If you meet an AH in the morning, you’ve met an AH. If everyone you meet during a day is an AH, you’re the AH. If you have 3 more senior staff saying the same thing, there’s something there.

[Anonymous]

People are always going to use whatever tools are at their disposal to manipulate situations and people toward their interests and objectives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some genuine advice and perhaps just ranting.

I am someone who definitely believes systemic rasism exists and is pervasive. But I also think it’s being used as a crutch and I don’t know how to reconcile the two.

I am a senior leader at my company. I have to make hard decisions on things, deciding how we move forward with strategy and where we invest. In other words, I have to say no a lot. I always work to explain my decisions and paths to getting to a yes. Most of the time folks are understanding. But in recent months I’ve had three separate times where I’ve had to say no or give feedback to a staff member of color (typically on the senior end of mid level). In each of these cases I’m met with the response that I’m being racist and only say no or taking action or whatever it might be because that staff member is Black. I am very careful to check my biases, and I’m confident that I would make the same decision regardless of who the staff member was given the circumstances. But it doesn’t stop accusations of racism from flying and a true guilt trip to get me to say yes.

I admit I may have more internal bias than I realize but I am confident racism was not at play in these decisions. It is had for me to not feel like I have to tip toe around these staff members for fear of being accused of racism… and that just makes things worse because then I am treating them differently.

I just feel like I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t in this situation.

The bolded sentence is interesting framing.

Have you asked the staff in question why they perceive your actions/decisions as being racist?

If you meet an AH in the morning, you’ve met an AH. If everyone you meet during a day is an AH, you’re the AH. If you have 3 more senior staff saying the same thing, there’s something there.

If you give negative feedback that someone thinks may compromise their employment, some people immediately run to report you based on race/gender/national origin/disability... to protect themselves. If the feedback ends up costing them a job or a promotion or a bonus, they follow up by reporting you for retaliation. You need to make sure you are giving consistent feedback across all of your employees and realize that getting hit with occasional complaints is part of managing now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some genuine advice and perhaps just ranting.

I am someone who definitely believes systemic rasism exists and is pervasive. But I also think it’s being used as a crutch and I don’t know how to reconcile the two.

I am a senior leader at my company. I have to make hard decisions on things, deciding how we move forward with strategy and where we invest. In other words, I have to say no a lot. I always work to explain my decisions and paths to getting to a yes. Most of the time folks are understanding. But in recent months I’ve had three separate times where I’ve had to say no or give feedback to a staff member of color (typically on the senior end of mid level). In each of these cases I’m met with the response that I’m being racist and only say no or taking action or whatever it might be because that staff member is Black. I am very careful to check my biases, and I’m confident that I would make the same decision regardless of who the staff member was given the circumstances. But it doesn’t stop accusations of racism from flying and a true guilt trip to get me to say yes.

I admit I may have more internal bias than I realize but I am confident racism was not at play in these decisions. It is had for me to not feel like I have to tip toe around these staff members for fear of being accused of racism… and that just makes things worse because then I am treating them differently.

I just feel like I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t in this situation.

I mean, I would fire this person. Who needs that kind of toxic bullshit in the workplace?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are always going to use whatever tools are at their disposal to manipulate situations and people toward their interests and objectives.

This, and they may have spoken to each other and commiserated.
At my workplace half a dozen people had to be fired for time card fraud. They were punching each other in, propping doors open to take long smoke breaks (this is a hospital so we have no breaks other than lunch), leaving sensitive health information unattended during these breaks, and punching each other out. All this was recorded on security cameras so there was no question about the events and all the employees were black. My employer is still involved in litigation about this with the charge being that "you only fired the black employees". They all filed lawsuits together.
My boss has to go to special training sessions about this to examine whether her internal bias caused them to commit time card fraud. It's just manipulation and hope for a financial reward.

[Anonymous]

I am BIPOC but not Black. I totally feel you OP. Agree with the PPs that it is natural for some people to try to use DEI efforts to their advantage. Definitely had a coworker who did this, was one of the most outspoken DEI advocates and was later fired because they were caught stealing. These people are the worst.

I think it is also legitimately difficult to tell when bias occurs, and we do know that it does happen. The problem is you can rarely prove it. Current DEI thinking tries to counter this by asserting that BIPOC people especially Black people are constantly mistreated in the workplace. Anyone who questions this thinking is thought of as a barrier to anti-racism efforts. So as a BIPOC person I am constantly being told I am facing microaggressions based on my race and I'm being prompted to try and think of them. Actually, I am not being constantly mistreated, and I think isolated instances of mistreatment I experienced were based on factors other than my race.

I have another coworker who has basically said she thinks she is smarter than everyone else because she is Black and had to overcome more to get here. She dismisses most criticism as racism and ignores our feedback and contributions. She is actually really smart but she's not always right! And I can point to specific ways in which she is treated much better than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some genuine advice and perhaps just ranting.

I am someone who definitely believes systemic rasism exists and is pervasive. But I also think it’s being used as a crutch and I don’t know how to reconcile the two.

I am a senior leader at my company. I have to make hard decisions on things, deciding how we move forward with strategy and where we invest. In other words, I have to say no a lot. I always work to explain my decisions and paths to getting to a yes. Most of the time folks are understanding. But in recent months I’ve had three separate times where I’ve had to say no or give feedback to a staff member of color (typically on the senior end of mid level). In each of these cases I’m met with the response that I’m being racist and only say no or taking action or whatever it might be because that staff member is Black. I am very careful to check my biases, and I’m confident that I would make the same decision regardless of who the staff member was given the circumstances. But it doesn’t stop accusations of racism from flying and a true guilt trip to get me to say yes.

I admit I may have more internal bias than I realize but I am confident racism was not at play in these decisions. It is had for me to not feel like I have to tip toe around these staff members for fear of being accused of racism… and that just makes things worse because then I am treating them differently.

I just feel like I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t in this situation.

Is it one staff member complaining three times or three separate staff members each complaining once?

If it's the second then the problem is you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some genuine advice and perhaps just ranting.

I am someone who definitely believes systemic rasism exists and is pervasive. But I also think it’s being used as a crutch and I don’t know how to reconcile the two.

I am a senior leader at my company. I have to make hard decisions on things, deciding how we move forward with strategy and where we invest. In other words, I have to say no a lot. I always work to explain my decisions and paths to getting to a yes. Most of the time folks are understanding. But in recent months I’ve had three separate times where I’ve had to say no or give feedback to a staff member of color (typically on the senior end of mid level). In each of these cases I’m met with the response that I’m being racist and only say no or taking action or whatever it might be because that staff member is Black. I am very careful to check my biases, and I’m confident that I would make the same decision regardless of who the staff member was given the circumstances. But it doesn’t stop accusations of racism from flying and a true guilt trip to get me to say yes.

I admit I may have more internal bias than I realize but I am confident racism was not at play in these decisions. It is had for me to not feel like I have to tip toe around these staff members for fear of being accused of racism… and that just makes things worse because then I am treating them differently.

I just feel like I’m damned if I do damned if I don’t in this situation.

Is it one staff member complaining three times or three separate staff members each complaining once?

If it's the second then the problem is you.

DP given the nature of DEI lately I don't think this is a given at all. People are being primed to think everything is racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am BIPOC but not Black. I totally feel you OP. Agree with the PPs that it is natural for some people to try to use DEI efforts to their advantage. Definitely had a coworker who did this, was one of the most outspoken DEI advocates and was later fired because they were caught stealing. These people are the worst.

I think it is also legitimately difficult to tell when bias occurs, and we do know that it does happen. The problem is you can rarely prove it. Current DEI thinking tries to counter this by asserting that BIPOC people especially Black people are constantly mistreated in the workplace. Anyone who questions this thinking is thought of as a barrier to anti-racism efforts. So as a BIPOC person I am constantly being told I am facing microaggressions based on my race and I'm being prompted to try and think of them. Actually, I am not being constantly mistreated, and I think isolated instances of mistreatment I experienced were based on factors other than my race.

I have another coworker who has basically said she thinks she is smarter than everyone else because she is Black and had to overcome more to get here. She dismisses most criticism as racism and ignores our feedback and contributions. She is actually really smart but she's not always right! And I can point to specific ways in which she is treated much better than I am.

Regarding being able to tell, both internally and externally when bias occurs, I can understand completely how to catch internal bias. But how can one tell when one is free of internal bias? Also is there a way to convey that to someone else? Are all people racist or are some people not, and if not, what enables a person to say, “This person is not racist?”