Anxious and introverted four year old won't participate in anything

[Anonymous]

DS is inattentive ADHD and SPD. Middle kid with two sisters he's close to. Very sweet and loving but also extremely physical (little boy energy plus the SPD, constantly pushing, jumping etc). We're desperate for him to find a sport he likes to channel that energy and boost his confidence as he is hard on himself and very anxious about failure. Every attempt has been a disaster. He won't leave our side, cries and clings to us. Drop off activities have been better but there aren't many yet.

Any tips for a kid like this? He doesn't need to be good at anything we just want to help him with his self confidence but he won't try. We've tried swimming, soccer, gymnastics and t ball, all the same experience.

[Anonymous]

When my kid was this age, I wish SPACE therapy had been available. I would have done so many things differently if I knew better. You might also try OT if you haven’t yet to find the activities that satisfy his need for physical input. Beyond that, I wouldn’t force activities at this age other than family things like open gyms, recreational swimming, etc.

[Anonymous]

The inattentiveness is probably making it hard for him to succeed at a sport. Just going to the pool or trampoline place is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my kid was this age, I wish SPACE therapy had been available. I would have done so many things differently if I knew better. You might also try OT if you haven’t yet to find the activities that satisfy his need for physical input. Beyond that, I wouldn’t force activities at this age other than family things like open gyms, recreational swimming, etc.

+1

I would focus on putting him in situations where he be successful and build from there. Like if you can do open gym at a kiddie gym, then when he is comfortable with that do a parent child class, then do a drop off class. Obviously adjust that sequence if parent child classes don't work.

[Anonymous]

I think a team sport is asking too much. I would look for individual lessons or open gym stuff. Or something he can do as a special time with a parent ("jogging", hiking, biking, etc.)

He's very young and he has SN. Give it time. Maybe in 2 or 3 years you can try again.

[Anonymous]

A sport? He's 4. Your outliner expectations are going to do more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A sport? He's 4. Your outliner expectations are going to do more harm than good.

Kids need sports. Especially boys.

[Anonymous]

Not at 4. Your parenting is stressing him out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A sport? He's 4. Your outliner expectations are going to do more harm than good.

Kids need sports. Especially boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at 4. Your parenting is stressing him out

We're on a year long waitlist for OT. Sorry I'm not going to let my kid sit around and watch tv and hit his sisters because he needs physical activity. I'm not expecting Olympic level athletics, but he needs to move his body. If he doesn't like something we stop doing it. Not sure how that's stressing him out.

[Anonymous]

I once read a study that said that young kids get much less exercise at PE class than at recess, and at least for my active boys I believed that.

I am a big believer in sports for kids, but my super active 4 year old was much better at meeting his own sensory needs than a coach who was managing a group. Instead of lessons at that age we got a pass to the county indoor pool, we went to the playground, we went to the trampoline park, we went on hikes as a family.

Once he had a few months of Kindergarten under his belt, we added soccer with his classmates, but at 4 we really focused on things that were kid directed.

If I wanted a break, and was looking for a sport for that reason, hiring a teenage boy babysitter to wear him out would have worked better than organized sports.

I should add that that super active little boy now plays 2 sports at a high level in high school. So, I'm not anti sports. I'm just skeptical about sports at 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I once read a study that said that young kids get much less exercise at PE class than at recess, and at least for my active boys I believed that.

I am a big believer in sports for kids, but my super active 4 year old was much better at meeting his own sensory needs than a coach who was managing a group. Instead of lessons at that age we got a pass to the county indoor pool, we went to the playground, we went to the trampoline park, we went on hikes as a family.

Once he had a few months of Kindergarten under his belt, we added soccer with his classmates, but at 4 we really focused on things that were kid directed.

If I wanted a break, and was looking for a sport for that reason, hiring a teenage boy babysitter to wear him out would have worked better than organized sports.

I should add that that super active little boy now plays 2 sports at a high level in high school. So, I'm not anti sports. I'm just skeptical about sports at 4.

This is helpful, thank you. For what it's worth, swimming is one on one and gymnastics is one on one. I'm not necessarily looking for team sports, that's just what our parks department offers so we tried it.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. I think my question was misinterpreted somewhat. I'm more worried about ways to build his confidence via activities. Not necessarily sports related, that's just what we've tried. I want him to feel comfortable in groups and work on social skills and he's having a hard time with that. Open to non sport suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The inattentiveness is probably making it hard for him to succeed at a sport. Just going to the pool or trampoline place is best.

This. Mygym is also good. As he gets older, swimming lessons may be worth retrying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I think my question was misinterpreted somewhat. I'm more worried about ways to build his confidence via activities. Not necessarily sports related, that's just what we've tried. I want him to feel comfortable in groups and work on social skills and he's having a hard time with that. Open to non sport suggestions.

I don't think things that make him anxious, or that he isn't ready for, are going to develop his confidence.

Is he in preschool? To me, social skills come more naturally in groups with consistent peers. Very adult directed classes aren't the place to build them.

Have you looked into services through your public schools?

I agree with the suggestion of SPACE.