Beach house with nephew

[Anonymous]

We rented a beach house with my sister’s family for the week. My sister and her husband changed their mind about going and we’re going to fly their kids to our house to go with us. Their older son (age 15) talked them into letting him stay home to play with his friends, so we have their younger son, age 11 with us.

My kids are 8 (DS) and 10 (DD). My nephew keeps teasing my daughter that she has spiders and bees on her back.

My nephew has a phone, but didn’t bring his charger, so I let him use mine. Nephew somehow broke my charger. I got the car charger and let him use it last night, then plugged mine in this morning. Nephew got up, unplugged my phone, which was at 38%, and plugged his back in. Between 8 pm and 8 am he’d worn down all his battery.

Nephew keeps making late-night phone calls to friends and last night woke us all up with his loud conversation.

I’m not sure how many rules I can give Nephew. My sister said he should go to bed by 11 pm, but my kids go to bed at 8 pm, and I go to bed at 10 pm.

Nephew likes to jump out at me and scare me. Last night he did it while I was taking lasagna out of the oven. I dropped the lasagna on the floor, but most of it stayed in the dish. Nephew thought it was hilarious.

My family eats mostly vegetables, but I know my nephew doesn’t. My sister often comments that she weighs over 250 pounds. So, one night I made sausages with onions and peppers. Nephew ate only the sausages. My kids ate the peppers and onions and complained that the sausages were too greasy and made their stomachs feel weird. I made a blueberry-brioche bread pudding for breakfast this morning and Nephew wrinkled his nose, saying, “Gross! What is that!”

I don’t think it’s fair for my sister to just dump her son on me for the week. We were already paying 75% of the beach house cost because my sister doesn’t make as much - and my mom paid his 25%. I just think this arrangement isn’t great.

Looking for tips on getting through the rest of the week with Nephew. How much can I tell him to leave my DD alone, how much can I expect him to eat our food, or do I need to keep adjusting to his food tastes and still listen to his rude comments?

[Anonymous]

You need to grow a spine here! He is a child. Your beach house, your rules. You do not have to treat him with the deference you would give an adult guest.

Sit him down today for a talk. Tell him from now on he is to leave DD alone, and NO JUMP SCARES. Quiet time starts at 10 PM. If he does not like those rules, you will arrange to send him home. (This may be what he wants). Tell him very explicitly: These are the house rules, you can follow the rules or you can go.

You can take him to a store to spend his own pocket money on a charger.

I would not bother caring what he eats. His parents obviously don't. Serve what you serve and he can take it or leave it.

Remember, it's in his best interest to learn these life lessons.

[Anonymous]

I would let his phone go un-charged. That will solve your noise problem. If he needs to send a message, he can dictate it to you and you can send it on your phone.

Sleep with the charger under your mattress.

[Anonymous]

Kid clearly needs rules, and since he's under your care this is the perfect time to enforce it.

[Anonymous]

The worst part of all this is the horrendous example he is setting for your children.

I would step in with the suggestions above and have that talk that one PP referenced above. And then, start parenting him to your standards.

After all that, the best case scenario is that he'll never want to share a place with you over a summer vacation and you'll have solved that problem as well.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

I would not bring him. Send him home right now, before you fly out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to grow a spine here! He is a child. Your beach house, your rules. You do not have to treat him with the deference you would give an adult guest.

Sit him down today for a talk. Tell him from now on he is to leave DD alone, and NO JUMP SCARES. Quiet time starts at 10 PM. If he does not like those rules, you will arrange to send him home. (This may be what he wants). Tell him very explicitly: These are the house rules, you can follow the rules or you can go.

You can take him to a store to spend his own pocket money on a charger.

I would not bother caring what he eats. His parents obviously don't. Serve what you serve and he can take it or leave it.

Remember, it's in his best interest to learn these life lessons.

+1 Who cares about the food. I mean don't cater to him like it's a restaurant, but let him eat or not. But the rest? Put your foot down! You're the supervising adult here. If his parent's won't turn his phone off, then you can take it.

[Anonymous]

You can discipline him like your own kids. Set clear expectations: no teasing, no taunting, no jumping out, and no more loud noises after hour.

And if he doesn't comply, take away his phone.

[Anonymous]

This is your own fault, so stop whining. If my sister said hey guess what, Bill and I won’t be there, but we’re sending you the kids I would say haha, good one, don’t expect anyone to get them from the airport because not only am I not doing that, I’m blocking all of your numbers for that week.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible to send him home early? "Elroy doesn't seem to be enjoying himself. I know he'd never complain, but I found a ticket for $X more than his current return, and it might be worth it to spare him life with younger cousins"

Stop charging his phone.

Tell him to stop with the jump scares. If you drop something because of one, send him to his room "While I calm down. We'll try to save you some lasagna"

Just observe, when he's rude, "That was rude."

Stop acting like food preferences are an indicator of moral virtue: "My kids ate the peppers and onions and complained that the sausages were too greasy and made their stomachs feel weird." Hoo-ray for your kids, I guess.

[Anonymous]

If I agree to take your kid for a week, they are following my rules. I won't feed them something they are allergic to but otherwise, they follow the rules of MY family. I will also discipline them as I see fit just like I would my own kids. Don't like it? Keep them at home with you.

[Anonymous]

As others have said, your house, your rules.
His phone goes with you when you go to bed at 10 and you will charge it for him overnight. You don’t provide access to a charger otherwise.

Have some food options he can help himself to. If he makes a rude comment, calmly say « that was rude and I do not appreciate it. There’s cereal in the cupboard if you’d like some « and then move on.

No tolerance for jump scares or teasing your daughter. Tell him if he continues that he’ll need to spend some quiet time in his room away from the rest of you.

Hold firm on all of this but otherwise be warm and loving and let other little things go. He’s a kid and is looking for some guidance and love.

[Anonymous]

She "dumped" him on you because you agreed to it, so I'm not sure what your beef is with her. Kids break things, no biggie. I'd buy him a new charger and tell him if he breaks this one he's SOL. He unplugs yours to charge his; tell him your charger is off limits. He eats what you cook for dinner; if he doesn't like it, oh well. He can make a sandwich or eat cereal. If he says your food is gross, tell him it's ok not to like the food but it's rude to tell someone their food is gross. All the kids go to bed at the same time. If he can't fall asleep he can read a book or look at his phone as long as he's quiet and in bed. When you go to bed at 10pm his phone goes off and he goes to sleep.

Your frustration lies in the fact that you're letting this kid do whatever he wants. He's a child, you need to be the parent figure while he's with you.

[Anonymous]

Let him eat whatever - you won’t fix his diet in a week.

Take his phone at night or whenever you want. Make him go to bed when you do.

Scold and punish as much as necessary to protect your daughter.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Let me be clear on something: I did not know it would just be my nephew until the night before he arrived. My sister worked everything out with my mom, who paid for his plane ticket.

The ticket was bought without my approval. I had packed the car and had to delay a day to wait for Nephew’s plane to come in.