Huge crush on my child’s doctor
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Anonymous
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First off, I recognize that I sound crazy.
We see a specialist doctor for my DS and have been seeing him for 5 years (since DS was 1 year old). We see him every few months or sometimes every month when DS is having issues. I am so embarrassed that I have developed these feelings. This doctor is in his 60s and a MASSIVE nerd and not even especially charismatic or conventionally attractive. I am in my 30s. We have never had any kind of interaction that was flirty. Well, ok I take that back. I do sometimes think there’s a little bit of a vibe between us. But it’s not flirting. It’s more that I think he likes my family and our case is interesting for him. He does sometimes go above and beyond for us, but I don’t know if we are getting special treatment or if he treats all his patients this way. You guys, I am having deeply inappropriate dreams and fantasies about this doctor every day for months now. It’s so bad I’ve made my DH go to the last several appointments without me because I’m afraid the doctor will be able to tell. It’s become an obsession. Like he’s on my mind constantly. So many fantasies and scenarios every single day. This has never happened to me before. Like crushing so hard on someone where it is NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN EVER. I assume this must be normal on some level, right? Has anyone else had this happen to them? I’ve heard of it happening to people with their therapists before but maybe not to this degree. |
Anonymous
| I’ve been there. There is something about the quiet authority of some of these specialists that I think is so powerful. There was one in particular that I had quite a few romantic fantasies about. I think my husband knew and when I had the overnight shift in the hospital he’d see me well-groomed in the morning after rounds and tease me about my “date” with Dr-. OP, just let it ride. |
Anonymous
| Sponseller? |
Anonymous
| Awww I kind of love this for you! A bit of fun in the pit of special needs parenting. |
Anonymous
| Obviously don't act on it, but I don't think there's anything wrong with having a crush itself. |
Anonymous
| I have realized that for me, sometimes these feelings are because I am finally being seen and heard and someone is taking a focused interest in the hardest part of my life. |
Anonymous
I was going to say this too. It’s sometimes better and sometimes worse but I have struggled to feel like my spouse and I are parents in dealing with our kids SN (other aspects of our marriage are better) and I so desperately want someone one this journey with me. When someone fills that partner feeling I’m looking for, it is such a powerful feeling. Plus competency and good with kids is an incredibly attractive combination. It’s ok OP. Don’t do anything dumb but it’s fine. |
Anonymous
| Look up anxious attachment and limerance |
Anonymous
| Op here. Awww these responses are so sweet and so spot on. Thank you!!! I’m glad I’m not the only one. |
Anonymous
Op here. Yes I think it’s this. DH and I don’t connect well on this topic (or in general really since our child with SN was born). There’s also something about this doc. He’s in his 60s so he’s old school and a white male. But he’s still collaborative and deferential to me. Like he listens to me. And I don’t always get that from other doctors and especially not white male doctors over the age of 60. I don’t mean to stereotype but sometimes the more old school docs I find don’t like to be questioned. This doc isn’t like that. Like he’s not super warm and “nice” but he doesn’t get triggered just because I have questions or concerns. He seems like he enjoys me. I think there is also something about the quiet authority like another PP said. And also I mean, I do respect my GP or my kids pediatrician, but I don’t admire them in the same way. This doc is sort of a big deal. Like he’s brilliant and one of just a handful of docs with these credentials. Even after 5 years it still leaves me a little star struck I guess. |
Anonymous
Op here. Not him but I did look him up. I wish I could share who it is but it would be too identifying and I wouldn’t want to create scandal for him since nothing untoward has ever happened (except in my mind!). |
Anonymous
Op here. WOW. Yes. This is spot on. I had never heard of this term before. Thank you! |
Anonymous
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You are NOT alone OP. I too had a huge crush on my DS’s doctor from birth. He was the first I met just after giving birth when my son was born was a rare syndrome. I literally had these wild dreams and wondered if they were really true!
I spent a lot of time with this doctor the first 3 years of his life bc of so many medical complications. I did tell my DH after my DS was stable and appts were becoming less frequent. Fortunately we laugh about it! |
Anonymous
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Without getting into specifics, something very similar happened to me. I thought about him a lot for years. I still see him professionally and that has worn off. But I was pretty focused on it for a good 7 -8 years. I never mentioned it to him, but I think he probably knew. I think it was a bit mutual as well, but I'll never know for sure.
I think sometimes these things are downright chemical, and the feelings are very hard to resist. So I just didn't resist the feelings, but I did keep it to myself. |
Anonymous
PP at 21:42 This is super spot on for me too. |