Emotional affair or friendship?

[Anonymous]

My ex boyfriend (we broke up a few years ago due to sexual incompatibility- I’m low drive and wasn’t willing to do many of the standard techniques) and I have remained friends for several years. I don’t think I would be a good sexual partner; hence, we aren’t dating.

He recently got a new girlfriend who initially accused him of overlapping partners, but ultimately realized no physical affair was taking place, and is now accusing him of having an emotional affair with me. I really don’t think this is fair. Initially, he was required to block me on the phone, but after she realized I lived halfway across the country from him, is now allowing us to text and stay in touch again. During the period of blocking, he would reach out to me through Google voice and it seemed like he wanted us to stay in touch. She goes through his cell phone and computer, and checks all of his messages.

She recently called him and was asking him when the last time he talked to me was, and it seems like she’s not okay with us as friends at all. She keeps asking about me, and is accusing him of being a womanizer. I’ve blocked him for now because I didn’t enjoy going through their drama, and the experience honestly caused me to lose respect for him. They have been dating for 6 months, though their relationship is characterized by a lot of fighting. For reference, he and I dated for 2 years and didn’t fight the entire time.

While I disagree we are in an emotional affair, I’m not sure if that’s accurate given that I’m not interested in a sexual relationship with him. Thoughts? Further wondering if what I’m describing above is a threat to her relationship with him? I was pretty hurt by her allegations and I don’t know if I’m ready to be friends with her.

[Anonymous]

tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

OP here. He had some kinks, and I wasn’t interested in participating. It was important to him, so we stopped dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

OP here. He had some kinks, and I wasn’t interested in participating. It was important to him, so we stopped dating.

well, were they kinks or was he trying to get you to do something non-standard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

Yes it is. This ain't the 1940s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

OP here. He had some kinks, and I wasn’t interested in participating. It was important to him, so we stopped dating.

well, were they kinks or was he trying to get you to do something non-standard?

OP here. I have no idea. Basically we weren’t sexually compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

OP here. He had some kinks, and I wasn’t interested in participating. It was important to him, so we stopped dating.

well, were they kinks or was he trying to get you to do something non-standard?

OP here. I have no idea. Basically we weren’t sexually compatible.

Are you willing to have anal now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

OP here. He had some kinks, and I wasn’t interested in participating. It was important to him, so we stopped dating.

well, were they kinks or was he trying to get you to do something non-standard?

OP here. I have no idea. Basically we weren’t sexually compatible.

Are you willing to have anal now?

OP here. I think it makes sense to focus on the rest of my question. But to respond to your answer, I would prefer not to.

[Anonymous]

An emotional affair is sharing things with the opposite sex (I’m referencing in a heterosexual relationship) that you aren’t sharing with your partner or being an emotional crutch for an opposite sex friend. My rule is if you can’t hand over your phone at anytime to your romantic partner to see what you and your opposite sex friend are talking about you are probably almost there if not there already.

[Anonymous]

6 months is a short relationship. She has trust issues but you are in fact kind of a threat no matter how the relationship is defined. Because your ex won't give your friendship up, it shows either resistance to her needs/wishes OR the importance of your friendship.

I think they will break up. It's not your business.

Have your ex come up with a better explanation for the next gf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

OP here. He had some kinks, and I wasn’t interested in participating. It was important to him, so we stopped dating.

well, were they kinks or was he trying to get you to do something non-standard?

OP here. I have no idea. Basically we weren’t sexually compatible.

Are you willing to have anal now?

OP here. I think it makes sense to focus on the rest of my question. But to respond to your answer, I would prefer not to.

It's very relevant in terms of what type of relationship you two have. If you'd be willing to do it, maybe he sees a rekindling or the possibility of taking you on as a sidepiece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

OP here. He had some kinks, and I wasn’t interested in participating. It was important to him, so we stopped dating.

well, were they kinks or was he trying to get you to do something non-standard?

OP here. I have no idea. Basically we weren’t sexually compatible.

Are you willing to have anal now?

OP here. I think it makes sense to focus on the rest of my question. But to respond to your answer, I would prefer not to.

It's very relevant in terms of what type of relationship you two have. If you'd be willing to do it, maybe he sees a rekindling or the possibility of taking you on as a sidepiece.

OP here. He’s asked me to get back together with him multiple times since we’ve broken up but I told him no. Not interested in being a side piece or doing casual. I’ve moved on from that part of my life, and am not interested in dating him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:tell us more about "wasn't willing to do many of the standard techniques"... what does that even mean?

OP here. Oral and anal.

Anal isn't standard.

OP here. He had some kinks, and I wasn’t interested in participating. It was important to him, so we stopped dating.

well, were they kinks or was he trying to get you to do something non-standard?

OP here. I have no idea. Basically we weren’t sexually compatible.

Are you willing to have anal now?

OP here. I think it makes sense to focus on the rest of my question. But to respond to your answer, I would prefer not to.

It's very relevant in terms of what type of relationship you two have. If you'd be willing to do it, maybe he sees a rekindling or the possibility of taking you on as a sidepiece.

OP here. He’s asked me to get back together with him multiple times since we’ve broken up but I told him no. Not interested in being a side piece or doing casual. I’ve moved on from that part of my life, and am not interested in dating him.

So he clearly doesn't see you as sexually incompatible. If anal is truly off the table, let his gf know that—send her a message and say, I know these are his interests and I guarantee you they're no-gos for me.