Husband makes jokes at my expense in front of the kids

[Anonymous]

For example, he has no problem with what I cook and has said many times I am great cook, but out of nowhere will say the food is bad and he’s going to get a stomachache (“uh oh, I better get a barf bag “) or say the kids may get sick from something I make. He says this in front of them often and thinks it’s hysterical. I’ve stopped laughing and recently said it sounds like he should take over making meals because he keeps making these “jokes,” so obviously he has an issue with the food I make.

He did not like that answer and said I’ve gotten very “uptight.” Um, after spending an hour cooking for him and my kids because he did not want take out, I don’t need him saying the food is bad and trying to get them into making fun of the food, too. It kinda feels humiliating after a while, even like he’s messing with my head.

When I’ve given him a taste of his own medicine, making fun of something he did or made, wow, does he get defensive and snide. He does not take it as a joke, at all. I think the behavior is doing damage to our relationship and he’s not getting it. He’s free to a jerk and turn things around and say haha can’t take a joke, but the treatment only goes one way. Anyone else deal with this? Did things just get worse?

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a dumb jerk.

Tell him what you want and need. Yes it will get worse if you don’t speak up.

[Anonymous]

Currently separated from someone similar. While he didn’t make jokes at my expense he treated me like a frat brother instead of his wife, and saw nothing wrong with his behavior. He’d get angry at me when I told him he’d said something hurtful. He lacks emotional intelligence and empathy. It got old and I eventually left. I’d urge you to talk to him about his behavior during a time when you’re both calm. Would he be open to therapy? However you choose to address it, address it now - don’t let it fester.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy I was nuts about until he started that kind of dynamic. It’s disrespectful and won’t get any better on its own, only worse. Your DH is trying to teach your kids to have contempt for you, make you the butt of jokes. It’s nasty. His thin skin when you dish it back reveals a narcissistic personality.

Demand marital counseling, ASAP.

[Anonymous]

My mother was the butt of my father’s jokes and I saw her self esteem disappear over time.

You need to stand up for yourself.

My H used to try to tell me I’m too serious when I didn’t like his jokes. Until I told him I’ll laugh when a joke is funny, or something to that effect. Eventually he stopped with the bad jokes.

[Anonymous]

Has he always been that immature?

Is the only way he “connects” with the young kids is via bad humor or put downs.

If so, not good. Undeveloped brain.

[Anonymous]

I’d have a huge laugh about his hairline and his beer gut. If he has great hair and is fit, even better! Time to knock him down a peg.

What a douchecanoe.

[Anonymous]

Please don't sink to his level and start doing this to him in front of the kids. Talk to him about it. This is really damaging to your relationship but hugely damaging to your kids. It can't continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy I was nuts about until he started that kind of dynamic. It’s disrespectful and won’t get any better on its own, only worse. Your DH is trying to teach your kids to have contempt for you, make you the butt of jokes. It’s nasty. His thin skin when you dish it back reveals a narcissistic personality.

Demand marital counseling, ASAP.

Google narcissistic personality disorder.

OP: If what you wrote is accurate, then you have a real problem. Counseling may help a bit, but narcissists do not get cured even if they want to change according to published psychological papers that I have read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why people say women have nonsense of humor. He was having fun. You were throwing a fit and poorly pretending to be having fun.

Lol wrong. Men who complain when women don’t cheerfully agree with being mocked are the least funny, most insufferable guys in the room. OP spends an hour cooking for her family and her H’s version of a joke is “I need a barf bag”? This is the kind of person women run from at a cocktail party.

[Anonymous]

Serious Come to Jesus discussion. His joking at your expense is disrespectful. Have a deep dive conversation reminding him, “You are his wife and the mother of his children” and his comments are not coming off as a joke. If he continues with his jabs, he would be cooking dinner for a month.

[Anonymous]

Also, tell him what you wrote here. Part of this isn’t the joke, it is that you wanted to get take out- he didn’t and that meant you spent an hour in the kitchen cooking.
HE wasn’t listening to you or you didn’t express that you didn’t feel like cooking.

I’ve been there and have learned to say: I don’t want to cook tonight. We can have the dumplings (that take 15 minutes in the pan to cook), you can cook or we can get take out. But I’m really feeling ______ and I just don’t want to cook tonight.

I also do leftovers, or sandwich nights when I feel this way.

You need to be honest about what you wanted from the night too and the “joke” would hit less hard.

[Anonymous]

Or, what food group does he not like? It’s on the regular rotation now.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to stop being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

This needs to be a BIG discussion with him. If he can’t hear that he’s hurting your feelings then that is a deal breaker. It doesn’t matter his intent, when you say “you hurt my feelings” he needs to STOP. I can’t imagine my dh keeping it up and telling me I need to chill.