Boyfriend doesn’t provide emotional support

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a good guy. There’s a lot I enjoy about our relationship. He’s funny, we have good sex, and a fair amount in common. An area where he disappoints is emotional support.

When he’s having a bad day, which is often because he hates his job…I’m there for him. I listen, offer advice, just let him vent if he wants, give physical affection, try and take his mind off things. When I have a bad day, he is a terrible shoulder to lean on. I come to him much less than he comes to me. I may need support once a month, where as he does multiple times a week.

When I come to him he may listen a little but resents it. She doesn’t offer affection, doesn’t offer to come be with me in person.

How bad of a problem is this? Do you need this from a spouse?

[Anonymous]

It's fine. Don't be so needy.

[Anonymous]

I would not deal with that.

[Anonymous]

This question is too hard to answer.

In some ways you're just describing an incredibly common male - female dynamic.

I turn to my female friends when I need deep emotional support and that's fine with me. He will listen to me cry if I need to but doesn't say the right things so friends are better. But you might need more. It's too hard to say- personal decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question is too hard to answer.

In some ways you're just describing an incredibly common male - female dynamic.

I turn to my female friends when I need deep emotional support and that's fine with me. He will listen to me cry if I need to but doesn't say the right things so friends are better. But you might need more. It's too hard to say- personal decision.

Maybe I am just asking for too much. I do go to other loved ones mostly. But sometimes I was a hug or some other form of support from him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is too hard to answer.

In some ways you're just describing an incredibly common male - female dynamic.

I turn to my female friends when I need deep emotional support and that's fine with me. He will listen to me cry if I need to but doesn't say the right things so friends are better. But you might need more. It's too hard to say- personal decision.

Maybe I am just asking for too much. I do go to other loved ones mostly. But sometimes I was a hug or some other form of support from him.

You are NOT asking for too much. There are guys out there with high EQ. I have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is too hard to answer.

In some ways you're just describing an incredibly common male - female dynamic.

I turn to my female friends when I need deep emotional support and that's fine with me. He will listen to me cry if I need to but doesn't say the right things so friends are better. But you might need more. It's too hard to say- personal decision.

Maybe I am just asking for too much. I do go to other loved ones mostly. But sometimes I was a hug or some other form of support from him.

Honestly this is a totally alien concept for most men. What’s a hug got to do with anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is too hard to answer.

In some ways you're just describing an incredibly common male - female dynamic.

I turn to my female friends when I need deep emotional support and that's fine with me. He will listen to me cry if I need to but doesn't say the right things so friends are better. But you might need more. It's too hard to say- personal decision.

Maybe I am just asking for too much. I do go to other loved ones mostly. But sometimes I was a hug or some other form of support from him.

You are NOT asking for too much. There are guys out there with high EQ. I have one.

Tellling with holier than thou lies isn’t helping.

[Anonymous]

I could not deal with that lack of support. It's possible other women are different and could, but it sounds like you are like me.

They are a decent number of men out there like him, though - not very emotionally supportive. Not saying you should settle for that, but there are a lot more emotionally supportive women out there than men.

[Anonymous]

My DH was similar except he didn’t require a lot of emotional support. And it kind of sucks now. And it’s worse when you have young kids or go through health issues, pregnancy, job stuff. It will likely get worse and at minimum not improve. People rarely change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH was similar except he didn’t require a lot of emotional support. And it kind of sucks now. And it’s worse when you have young kids or go through health issues, pregnancy, job stuff. It will likely get worse and at minimum not improve. People rarely change.

A hug is not support. Taking care of you, the kids, your lives, etc is support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is too hard to answer.

In some ways you're just describing an incredibly common male - female dynamic.

I turn to my female friends when I need deep emotional support and that's fine with me. He will listen to me cry if I need to but doesn't say the right things so friends are better. But you might need more. It's too hard to say- personal decision.

Maybe I am just asking for too much. I do go to other loved ones mostly. But sometimes I was a hug or some other form of support from him.

You are not asking for too much.

I think you should try discussing it with him.

The thing is though this isn't like him not putting his dish in the dishwasher, which he might be able to work on. This might just be a personality/psychological thing he likely wont change. For ex, I am dating someone who is not all that empathetic. We've discussed it but...I am not sure there is much he can really do to CHANGE that. Trying to decide whether to break it off due to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This question is too hard to answer.

In some ways you're just describing an incredibly common male - female dynamic.

I turn to my female friends when I need deep emotional support and that's fine with me. He will listen to me cry if I need to but doesn't say the right things so friends are better. But you might need more. It's too hard to say- personal decision.

Maybe I am just asking for too much. I do go to other loved ones mostly. But sometimes I was a hug or some other form of support from him.

You are NOT asking for too much. There are guys out there with high EQ. I have one.

+1 I'd keep looking

[Anonymous]

OP here. I tried discussing it with him once in the past. He said that he is sensitive and when I need to vent or get other ways of support it wears him down. it was kind of disappointing because he always happily accepts my support. Sometimes I feel used, like I’m only good for a good time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I tried discussing it with him once in the past. He said that he is sensitive and when I need to vent or get other ways of support it wears him down. it was kind of disappointing because he always happily accepts my support. Sometimes I feel used, like I’m only good for a good time.

What do you mean “a good time”?