Divorce shaming
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Anonymous
| I get so tired of the relentless divorce shaming on this site. For some people divorce is required, even when there are kids. As someone who's ex literally tried to kill me in front of my kid, I grateful to be divorced. There is no way it didn't upgrade both me and my kids life to not have to live like that. I know a lot of people always try to add, divorce is ok in instances of abuse. But it often comes off as an afterthought and trivializes the frequency with which people encounter abuse in their marriages. We need to be able to have productive convos about how to navigate relationships and child rearing in the event of a very much so needed divorce. If we had half as much shaming for abusers as we do for divorcees, kids would be better off. |
Anonymous
| Why do you care what other people think of you? |
Anonymous
| I agree with you, OP. I also hate the people assume all divorces are the same, and that all marriages are the same. |
Anonymous
| You've got to just ignore these people. Had you stayed, people would have shamed you anyways. |
Anonymous
| Well if it helps (I know it doesn't) , I judge people who choose to stay in marriages that should have ended in divorce. As a child, I begged my parents to divorce |
Anonymous
I could care less what internet strangers think of me. I’m calling it out because it is persistent on this site and it hurts children and abused spouses. It’s sad the number of women I know in my real life who put up with horrid abuse, just to avoid the stigma of being labeled a single mother. There should be less judgement and more empathy for people who are literally just trying to survive. Children from such circumstances need support not to be ostracized. The dysfunction that some adults are willing to perpetuate just to feel good about their marriage privilege is sick and astounding. |
Anonymous
| The only person that can make you feel shame is yourself. |
Anonymous
This is 100% false. You don’t seem at all empathetic about how poorly some people treat divorced women and single mothers. |
Anonymous
|
I always ask people who say their plan is to divorce their spouse after their kids are grown, “And by then, what dysfunctional lessons have they learned about relationships.”
And many adult children of divorce often chime in that they wished their parents had divorced sooner, since sharing the house with them as a couple was very damaging. So, I am Team OO! 🎉 Congratulations on having the courage to leave your spouse. You and your children are undoubtedly much healthier as a result!! 🤗 |
Anonymous
True, but you can do a hell of a lot more to purposefully blame people when they get divorced. That is what OP is talking about. |
Anonymous
This. After ten years of being divorced, I don't feel shame anymore. I married and divorced very young (before many of my friends even married), so I didn't have any divorced peers or family members. I felt a lot of shame. As the years have gone on, people have opened up to me about their divorce or the sad marriage they are holding on to for the children (a perfectly valid reason in many cases). So many of us have struggles. Marriage and raising children is complex. The ones who shame you are coming from their insecurities. |
Anonymous
Hey they are just jealous. Some of them wish they could get out but they are so entangled financially or addicted to the lifestyle 2 high income brought them or scared sh***t etc. some of these people then hide behind their kids and claim "I (or we) are staying for the kids". These are also the same people quick to say children of divorced parents are literally f**ed. Do not pay attention to them. Secretly even though they are probably so dependent on the other spouse or the assets of the marriage they envy you. I am happily married with 3 kids aged 5, 10 and 13. If any of the stories I read here were to happen to us believe me we will go our separate ways and be the best co-parent we can be. Children need whoever they are with at that moment to care for them and love them..It could be mom on a Monday, dad on Tuesday etc. We have a friend whose child is really good with swimming. His mother even though she has time to attend his meets never goes, the dad goes all the time. She has no qualms saying she is going out with her gfs that day or she has a beauty appointment you name it. So the dad told Ian last week that the 15 years old son asked him why he was still married to his mother and that they should just divorce because whoever she is around if she is not yelling and screaming she is busy texting calling talking to her friends etc. Those who are in the so called nuclear families are not always better off. |
Anonymous
| I don't see divorce shaming here at all. |
Anonymous
| Some will call me sexist I am sure. On this forum at least it seems that 90% of the shaming come from married women. You would think a woman will have empathy in this situation nope she will judge instead. Even in the real.word, I don't recall.instances when me and my friends judge other divorced dads. |
Anonymous
I don't either. I see a lot more adultery shaming (appropriately so). And OP, your contention that divorces are more shamed here than abusers is absurd. Good for you for getting a divorce if you were being abused. Go get therapy and stop blaming others for your own feelings. |