Therapy - do you have a set date?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing my therapist for 5+ years. I've noticed she ends each session with rescheduling for the next week, and then we go over dates that work (that change each time). For people in long-term therapy, do you normally have a "set" date? I'm happy to be flexible, but I just wonder if I am the one changing each week to fit the holes in her schedule. Which I am okay with, but I think frustrated if others are getting a firm weekly date/time, and I have to be scheduled for a different session each week.

[Anonymous]

That's annoying. I have a set time. If you would like that, just ask.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had both experiences. I prefer a set time. I think the variable schedule is difficult to manage and I tend to flake on them, but it seems to occur when the therapist just doesn’t have time for another recurring appointment so is fitting patients in where they can.

[Anonymous]

I would ask if you can have a set day and time. Right now I’m dealing with a lot and I need every element of stability I can get – however small – so a set appointment really helps a lot. I’m happy to be flexible when needed.

[Anonymous]

When I was seeing my therapist weekly, we had a standing appointment day/time. When I started transitioning out and moved to less frequent appointments we often switched things up since I was willing/able to schedule around her more regular clients.

[Anonymous]

That would bother me for sure, as would the therapist letting therapy drag on for 5 years.

I think you likely have a crappy therapist ane should terminate. But the classic advice here is to bring up your feelings with your therapist so you can address them as part of your therapy. It surely means something that you have felt inconvenienced by this for 5 (!) years and not taken any steps to address it. Likewise, it’s interesting that your reaction seems to be that you only feel entitled to ask for what you want if other people are also getting it. Overall it’s a very passive way of relating to the world on your part that is worth “exploring.”

[Anonymous]

I’ve never had that experience with therapy, unless they are fitting me in outside of my regularly scheduled appointment for a particular purpose. If you go once in a while for a “touch up” it’s one thing - but for a regular, weekly appointment it seems odd.

How are they as a therapist? If they’re really good, I might put up with it.

[Anonymous]

Meant - I *would* put up with it, if they are really good.

[Anonymous]

Some clients want the flexibility and some want a set time. Both are ok. Personally, I prefer to have a set time because I think that it's part of the therapy. Your body and mind get accustomed to the fact that Wed @3 is your therapy time. You then start to orient your thinking around the session and do more work outside of the session as you habituate to the timing. In addition, getting to the session and after the session (if you are in person) are invaluable times for self-reflection and processing as well. This is somewhat true for Telehealth as well, although it's lessened (and one of the downsides of Telehealth that no one seems to be focused on).

Anyway, if you prefer a set time then ask for one. If you can't ask for one then you should bring that up with your therapist.

[Anonymous]

Yes, every Wednesday at 4. I would never make it if the appointment changed each week. Ask for what you want, OP.

[Anonymous]

Same time each week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been seeing my therapist for 5+ years. I've noticed she ends each session with rescheduling for the next week, and then we go over dates that work (that change each time). For people in long-term therapy, do you normally have a "set" date? I'm happy to be flexible, but I just wonder if I am the one changing each week to fit the holes in her schedule. Which I am okay with, but I think frustrated if others are getting a firm weekly date/time, and I have to be scheduled for a different session each week.

I am a therapist. My weekly and bi weekly clients who want to have a regular recurring appointment time slot have this. I appreciate and many others appreciate consistency. We only confirm if the person regularly travels a lot for business or other--e.g, will we meet next week or when will we meet next.

I encourage you to express your preference for a regular predictable time to be seen and see how they respond. Part of the theraputic relationship is practicing expressing your needs and preferences--at least to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would bother me for sure, as would the therapist letting therapy drag on for 5 years.

I think you likely have a crappy therapist ane should terminate. But the classic advice here is to bring up your feelings with your therapist so you can address them as part of your therapy. It surely means something that you have felt inconvenienced by this for 5 (!) years and not taken any steps to address it. Likewise, it’s interesting that your reaction seems to be that you only feel entitled to ask for what you want if other people are also getting it. Overall it’s a very passive way of relating to the world on your part that is worth “exploring.”

Telling this person they should terminate is wrong. If OP needs a new therapist they can seek one and they also can try to communicate with the therapist they are currently working with. Discussing needs is important. Let us know how it goes OP.

[Anonymous]

Just ask for a set day and time if you want one. My therapist was setting up our next week's appointment at the end of each session, but my schedule is weird, and it always stressed me out a bit to figure out a good day/time. She has an online scheduling app that I can use, so now I just go in and make about a month's worth of appointment requests at a time. It's called Theranest and a lot of counseling practices have it. It is what she was using to book me as I sat there, but once I figured out I could do it, I've been doing it and she's fine with it. You might check on whether or not your therapist uses scheduling software like that. But it sounds like you just want a set date and time -- easy enough to ask for.

BTW, this whole "I wonder if everyone else gets a set date and time and I just fill in the extra slots" kind of insecurity is so common that my therapist and I discussed it today, lol.

[Anonymous]

I used to switch to e time every week - my therapist would just tell me what was available and I’d pick a time. Then, my boss gave me a hard time about using sick leave for therapy every week, so now I have a set time: 4 pm on Friday, and I just leave work a little early.

So yes, I have a set time, but only because I had work problems.