Serial monogamy

[Anonymous]

Anyone find joy in serial monogamy? Do you think you miss out by getting into new relationships every few years? Is something lacking if you don’t have one partner for decades?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been happily monogamous for 34 years. It really helps that my husband always puts my sexual needs before his and once that happens it’s his turn and then maybe mine again. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with someone else but I’d be a fool to give up what I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been happily monogamous for 34 years. It really helps that my husband always puts my sexual needs before his and once that happens it’s his turn and then maybe mine again. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with someone else but I’d be a fool to give up what I have.

I think this is it. Really valuing what you have. Key to successful long term mono relationships.

[Anonymous]

"Serial monogamy" just means "My relationships fail."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been happily monogamous for 34 years. It really helps that my husband always puts my sexual needs before his and once that happens it’s his turn and then maybe mine again. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with someone else but I’d be a fool to give up what I have.

Same here, 32 years, but we're not what OP is asking about, which is "serial" monogamy. A succession of exclusive relationships .I'm all for excusivity and commitment but I think I know the kind of serial monogamy OP's talking about here. Having had a close relative who married five times, and had a few Very Serious Relationships! between marriages, and who always swore each of the spouses/significant others were The One At Last, I've seen serial monogamy at work. It's fine while it lasts and crashes and burns as hard as any other soured relationship when it doesn't.

It also makes your relatives, friends and colleagus tend to be skeptical, and believe you're crying wolf, whenever you make the claim, yet again, that this relationship is the real deal and the keeper. I tend to agree with a PP who said it's just shorthand for failing at truly long-term committed relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been happily monogamous for 34 years. It really helps that my husband always puts my sexual needs before his and once that happens it’s his turn and then maybe mine again. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with someone else but I’d be a fool to give up what I have.

Same here, 32 years, but we're not what OP is asking about, which is "serial" monogamy. A succession of exclusive relationships .I'm all for excusivity and commitment but I think I know the kind of serial monogamy OP's talking about here. Having had a close relative who married five times, and had a few Very Serious Relationships! between marriages, and who always swore each of the spouses/significant others were The One At Last, I've seen serial monogamy at work. It's fine while it lasts and crashes and burns as hard as any other soured relationship when it doesn't.

It also makes your relatives, friends and colleagus tend to be skeptical, and believe you're crying wolf, whenever you make the claim, yet again, that this relationship is the real deal and the keeper. I tend to agree with a PP who said it's just shorthand for failing at truly long-term committed relationships.

OP here. I think there serial monogamists who are intentional and serial monotheistic are not intentional. Non-intentional serial monogamists think that several people are “the one” only to be disappointed and start the cycle back over again.

I’m an intentional serial monogamist. It’s not that my relationships fail or crash and burn terribly. It’s moreso that I’m realizing I don’t want to sacrifice what is required for lifetime partnership. I’ve been proposed to twice and had a couple of boyfriend who were strongly marriage minded but the relationship ended before it could go there.

Having committed 1-3 year relationships has brought me a lot of joy and good memories. The flip side is that as I get older some family members and friends judge me. I also wonder if I will later regret not settling down with one man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Serial monogamy" just means "My relationships fail."

Not quite. It means that one only has sex one relationship at a time. There have been times when a short-term relationship (weeks or months) was exactly what I wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Serial monogamy" just means "My relationships fail."

Not quite. It means that one only has sex one relationship at a time. There have been times when a short-term relationship (weeks or months) was exactly what I wanted.

NP. That’s just like…being in a relationship and not cheating on the person.

[Anonymous]

I have a relative like this- he’s had at least 15 girlfriends in the 25 years I’ve known him. He’s now 46 and has been with the same person since he was about 38. They’re not married (engaged since 2019) but it’s the longest he’s been with someone.

[Anonymous]

I see that with men more often than women. They hold economic resources and it’s easier for them to move from one woman to next one as they age. But it’s not the case for women in 40-50s once stats are not in our favor. You would end up single looking for a new partner for extended periods of time if you intentionally end all prior relationships to seek better pastures

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been happily monogamous for 34 years. It really helps that my husband always puts my sexual needs before his and once that happens it’s his turn and then maybe mine again. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to be with someone else but I’d be a fool to give up what I have.

I think this is it. Really valuing what you have. Key to successful long term mono relationships.

I agree with this too. I slept around a lot when I was younger. It was fun and I enjoyed the NSA. DH and I have a fantastic sex life and in the 20+ years we've been together I haven't felt like I'm missing out on anything or that I wish I wasn't monogamous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Serial monogamy" just means "My relationships fail."

Not quite. It means that one only has sex one relationship at a time. There have been times when a short-term relationship (weeks or months) was exactly what I wanted.

NP. That’s just like…being in a relationship and not cheating on the person.

Right! lol

[Anonymous]

I think serial monogamy is the natural state for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see that with men more often than women. They hold economic resources and it’s easier for them to move from one woman to next one as they age. But it’s not the case for women in 40-50s once stats are not in our favor. You would end up single looking for a new partner for extended periods of time if you intentionally end all prior relationships to seek better pastures

OP here. I’m 45. I haven’t had any issues dating. In fact, I’d say the quality of men has gone up for me with age. I think it’s that I know myself better, how to spot BS, and just have no tolerance for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see that with men more often than women. They hold economic resources and it’s easier for them to move from one woman to next one as they age. But it’s not the case for women in 40-50s once stats are not in our favor. You would end up single looking for a new partner for extended periods of time if you intentionally end all prior relationships to seek better pastures

OP here. I’m 45. I haven’t had any issues dating. In fact, I’d say the quality of men has gone up for me with age. I think it’s that I know myself better, how to spot BS, and just have no tolerance for bad behavior.

I am 46. Dating is fine for me, I'm thin and attractive. But it is not the same as having an extended relationship and then moving on. I've had many small relationships where things fizzle up after 5-6 dates. All were quality men but something would come up that didn't work for me or for him. If there is a 1+ year long relationship, to me that would mean we seriously click and match in many categories. This is very hard to find- I've been looking on and off for 2 years since divorce and still haven't found it. I would be very careful and vested into such LTR if someone truly great pops up out there for me