On OLD while separated
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Anonymous
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Matched on OLD with a guy who is separated and have chatted back and forth a few times. We have a ton of odd interests/hobbies in common, and he seems to be smart and interesting enough to fit with me. But the last thing I need is someone who isn't emotionally available.
How do I tactfully inquire about his status to get a clearer understanding about what his deal is? I know that for me, I was separated for at least 4 years. We had a separation agreement in place and the marriage was completely over. But neither of us felt like dealing with disentangling our finances (pensions, investments, jointly owned properties besides the house, which we'd decided would become mine and that I was still living in.) Do I bother to meet him or just politely move on? |
Anonymous
| Move on. Separated is just a longer word for married. |
Anonymous
| No harm in meeting, but have low expectations. That said, my now-husband and I were both separated when we met on bumble. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn’t bother meeting him. Is he actually separated as in living in a separate home? Really doesn’t matter.
I know several men who identified their next wives while they were separated and got remarried shortly after their divorces were finalized. None of these men are healthy, they were just incapable of being alone or taking care of themselves. |
Anonymous
| Don't waste your time. Many go back to their marriages. |
Anonymous
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Are you officially divorced or still separated yourself?
I would meet him. You say you have enjoyed your conversations and think you have a lot in common. At worst, you'll waste a couple of hours out of your life if there is no go. Most people would not be comfortable in discussing private details of their marriage/separation at this early juncture. I think grilling him about it is premature. |
Anonymous
| Dont date married people. |
Anonymous
| How odd are the hobbies? |
Anonymous
I don’t agree. If formally separated, means you’ve done the work to move forward and are just waiting for the divorce to be final. In some states it’s a 1 year waiting period before you can file. |
Anonymous
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Really depends on his situation, which he should be willing to discuss.
In my case the marriage ended long before the separation and it took 1.5 years to divorce. I know several people who are now married to people they met while one or the other was separated. It happens. Every divorce is different. If he’s in mediation or otherwise actively moving towards divorce I don’t see the harm. |
Anonymous
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I would stay loosely connected as friends through the odd hobbies and see what happens.
If he really wants to date, you have to decide how "separated" you're comfortable with. And fact-check everything he tells you! |
Anonymous
If it's Morris dancing, I would say date him. There just aren't a lot of people willing to date you when you're into Morris dancing. |
Anonymous
| Assume he's still married ... like married married and not separated ... and move on. |
Anonymous
And? During that year you’re married. Don’t date married people it’s gross. Don’t date while married, it’s gross. If you can’t be single for a year perhaps divorce is not for you. |
Anonymous
And how do you know if he's "formally" separated? And how do you know you won't waste a year of your life waiting for him? Or more than a year? Why not just date someone who's actually single and available? Why make dating more difficult for yourself? |