On OLD while separated

[Anonymous]

I send mine to friends all of the time so that they can use the template and write over it!

[Anonymous]

A judge can declare them single while they work out custody and finance issues

This is what Brad and Angelina did.

Could be good or bad. It’s not fun to date a guy in stressful lawsuit.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be a wise idea to continue talking to other potential partners online - focusing more on people who are completely single.

Because if this man is separated, he is still legally married to his wife at this time & there may be a chance that they reconcile.
It is just too risky to risk getting your heart 💔 broken.
Especially if there are other, better options out there.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

When I was separated but not yet divorced, I found it very difficult to date because I was honest about my situation. It became very easy to date immediately after everything was official.

OP, at the very least he should have his own place that you can visit. You don't have to be immediately suspicious if he says he doesn't have social media, but that is often a way to hide still being married.

It is very different for separated women. Men trust that you have moved on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't waste your time. Many go back to their marriages.

Or never left them in the first place! (Just lied about the separation).

[Anonymous]

I know many people who had serious and honorable relationships while separated. My ex spouse did this and I tried to do it but didn't meet the right person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really depends on his situation, which he should be willing to discuss.

In my case the marriage ended long before the separation and it took 1.5 years to divorce. I know several people who are now married to people they met while one or the other was separated. It happens.

Every divorce is different. If he’s in mediation or otherwise actively moving towards divorce I don’t see the harm.

This. "Separated" can mean a lot of things. In my case, I was separated for about six months before the divorce was finalized. My (now) ex had moved out of state and made it clear there would be no reconciliation; the difference between "separated" and "divorced" was just a matter of whether a court had made it official or not (especially after about three months, when we signed our settlement agreement).

But there are situations other posters describe, where people are "separated" for years, or "separated" while living in the same house, or "separated" while trying to work things out. The advantage of a potential dating partner being "divorced" is that it's a lot more final and less ambiguous than "separated."

None of this is to suggest that I was in any condition to date while I was merely "separated," or that I was suddenly in any better position to date once the divorce was official. My advice to OP would be to be careful about dating men who are separated not because they aren't officially divorced (or that dating a not-yet-divorced man is "gross"), but that he's probably recently enough separated that he's going to be going through a lot of end-of-relationship issues. And if it isn't a recent separation, why has he been separated so long? Lots of potential red flags there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is very different for separated women. Men trust that you have moved on.

🙄 Uh huh, something that is evil and gross when men do it, it’s totally different when women do it.

Men don’t trust that you’ve moved on. They just don’t care if you haven’t, so long as you’re willing to put out right now. Probably they should care, because if you’re still legally married (or recently divorced) it’s not out of the question that he will get shot by your angry DH / STBXH.

A few years back I met a woman on Tinder who was vague about her marital status but in the conversation, things emerged that alarmed me about her DH / XH and his violent criminal past, and I decided I didn’t need that kind of drama and trouble.

[Anonymous]

I personally do not think it is possible to fully emotionally process divorce until the paperwork is signed. And thus inadvisable to get into another relationship.

I know people will say "but the marriage was over long before we divorced" or "but divorce laws in Virginia [or wherever] require an overly long separation" or whatever. I don't care. Until the paperwork is final, you are still married and I don't think you can fully settle it emotionally until then. Or if you can I question the seriousness of your marriage in the first place which raises questions about your judgment in matters of the heart.

But that's me. People will do what they want. I will not date a separated person no matter the circumstances, until the divorce is final.