On OLD while separated

[Anonymous]

I wish I had the desire do date while separated, but I was so disappointed in my marriage and relationship in general that dating was the last thing in my mind. I am now divorced and it's been 5 years. I am still single and loving it. My only advice slow down. Do you really want to be in a relationship at this time? Only you can answer. Men are ready to date long before the divorce even starts. So go at your own speed and not his. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Don't be a rebound.

[Anonymous]

People who date at least 1 year after the divorce is finalized are much happier in the long term..

[Anonymous]

Every friend of mine who has fallen for a "separated" guy on OLD fell for a married guy claiming to be separated when he wasn't. It allowed for all kinds of convenient lies ("I'm so sorry I can't do our weekend trip, my ex is freaking out about our kid in the hospital" and "You can't come over to my place, because we are separated but living in the same house because of the kids and my ex is the jealous type," etc, etc, lie, lie, lie.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every friend of mine who has fallen for a "separated" guy on OLD fell for a married guy claiming to be separated when he wasn't. It allowed for all kinds of convenient lies ("I'm so sorry I can't do our weekend trip, my ex is freaking out about our kid in the hospital" and "You can't come over to my place, because we are separated but living in the same house because of the kids and my ex is the jealous type," etc, etc, lie, lie, lie.)

Yup. Men are pigs. They will 100% lie about this stuff just to get someone to sleep with them.

[Anonymous]

If there is no signed separation agreement in place, treat him as if he is still married. Because he is. I would absolutely ask for status.

If there’s a signed agreement, it’s all over but the judge’s rubber stamp.

[Anonymous]

Does he have kids? Absolutely don't meet him if he has kids. Even if he actually were separated, you should hope that he goes back to his family. Separated in not divorced. There is hope. There should be hope - don't get in the way.

No kids? Tell him to get back in touch with you once his divorce is final.

[Anonymous]

Well OP based on your own history you are hardly in a position to be judgmental about him dating while separated.

I would say meet him and ask directly what his status is. As he has stated that he is separated, he can’t exactly object to such questions. They are indeed reasonable and expected.

[Anonymous]

“Separated in not divorced. There is hope.”

Not for me there wasn’t, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dont date married people.

+1. So many liars and cheaters out there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have kids? Absolutely don't meet him if he has kids. Even if he actually were separated, you should hope that he goes back to his family. Separated in not divorced. There is hope. There should be hope - don't get in the way.

No kids? Tell him to get back in touch with you once his divorce is final.

Nah, divorce is 5o shades of grey- lady PP

[Anonymous]

Congratulations on getting the house.

[Anonymous]

My husband was dating and telling people he was separated for YEARS before I found out. He was in fact not separated. So just be careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Matched on OLD with a guy who is separated and have chatted back and forth a few times. We have a ton of odd interests/hobbies in common, and he seems to be smart and interesting enough to fit with me. But the last thing I need is someone who isn't emotionally available.

How do I tactfully inquire about his status to get a clearer understanding about what his deal is? I know that for me, I was separated for at least 4 years. We had a separation agreement in place and the marriage was completely over. But neither of us felt like dealing with disentangling our finances (pensions, investments, jointly owned properties besides the house, which we'd decided would become mine and that I was still living in.)

Do I bother to meet him or just politely move on?

Single people can be emotionally unavailable. It's not the sort of thing you can determine by category. If you're interested, and him being separated (but technically on paper married) isn't a dealbreaker for you, what's the harm in meeting him? That's how you'll be able to tell if he's emotionally available or not, same as any other date.

I was also separated for several years before divorcing on paper, but the moment we signed a separation agreement, we were done. Done done. All-the-way done.

[Anonymous]

I ask to see the settlement agreement. He can redact the numbers