Faux pas? DD14 claims she’s humiliated

[Anonymous]

DD had a friend over today. The plan was they’d hang out, then the friend would join us for dinner and dessert. Well, not long after they got home they decided they were bored and wanted to go to an activity. I considered it, looked up prices and was couldn’t believe my eyes. Without thinking I blurted out to DD, “I don’t think we are going to do that. It’s really expensive!” I blurted out some other ideas and we landed on something else. DD pulled me aside and told me it was “humiliating” that I mentioned the price because now her friend probably thinks we are poor. It was just that I wasn’t about to pay $100 for an unplanned activity after some recent expenses (for DD.)

Did I make the huge faux pas that DD perceives or am I fine?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it wasn't great.

[Anonymous]

No, I say that for bubble tea when my same aged daughter and her friend ask for more often than a weekly bubble tea outing. Your daughter has to learn to control her social anxiety and FOMO. It’s hard at that age, but it’s necessary otherwise they grow up to be the worst type of keep-up-with-the-Joneses social climbers. Tell her this from me.

[Anonymous]

Ignore PP.

Everything is fine. You behaved like a normal human being. Don't give this another thought.

[Anonymous]

No, you didn't. I often say to my kids about clothing "That's nice, but not $70 worth of nice." And they know I don't believe in paying over a certain amount for clothes.

Tell your DD to get over herself.

[Anonymous]

Honestly you could have been more tactful. But what's done is done. Next time just do something like.Let's stick with the plan because dinner is already made or something

[Anonymous]

She’s 14. You could sneeze and it would be a faux pas

[Anonymous]

What you said was not at all inappropriate in any sense OTHER than tween girl dynamics.

In that sense, and in her mind, I can see how it was humiliating. You weren't wrong. But her feelings are valid.

It wasn't necessary to say you weren't doing it because of the expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I say that for bubble tea when my same aged daughter and her friend ask for more often than a weekly bubble tea outing. Your daughter has to learn to control her social anxiety and FOMO. It’s hard at that age, but it’s necessary otherwise they grow up to be the worst type of keep-up-with-the-Joneses social climbers. Tell her this from me.

And I have 17M in one bank account right now. It’s not about the money so much as it’s about self-indulgence vs. budgeting. My teens and young adults get all of their needs met and only some of their wants. I openly talk money in front of their friends. They all need to learn not to behave like spoiled brats.

[Anonymous]

You’re fine.

Also 14 year olds are weirdos who literally don’t want the other kids to even know they have parents, so she’ll be hissing at you about how embarrassing you are for a year or two more. Was discussing this with my husband today as our youngest is 14 and in this phase. His 16 year old brother is finally out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I say that for bubble tea when my same aged daughter and her friend ask for more often than a weekly bubble tea outing. Your daughter has to learn to control her social anxiety and FOMO. It’s hard at that age, but it’s necessary otherwise they grow up to be the worst type of keep-up-with-the-Joneses social climbers. Tell her this from me.

And I have 17M in one bank account right now. It’s not about the money so much as it’s about self-indulgence vs. budgeting. My teens and young adults get all of their needs met and only some of their wants. I openly talk money in front of their friends. They all need to learn not to behave like spoiled brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 14. You could sneeze and it would be a faux pas

Truer words never spoken.

[Anonymous]

Yes, faux pas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore PP.

Everything is fine. You behaved like a normal human being. Don't give this another thought.

Agree. Your DD will get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s 14. You could sneeze and it would be a faux pas

Truer words never spoken.

Indeed.