Spouse turned fitness “model”

[Anonymous]

Married almost 20 years, teens in HS.

All is relatively well until DH hit some major work stress and after a few months of being miserable/stressed turned to working out as his stress reliever. He was in average shape.

Great, beats drinking or other options.

About 8 months later or so he accomplished his goals (I guess? Seems to be a moving target) and he looks like a UFC fighter or something…he is all natural so no anger issues or anything but just really, really in shape now and pure muscle.

Has anyone gone through this? I thought it was a stress management thing and I was happy he found a healthy way out - but is the next step to realize I did not take this health/fitness journey with him and not at his level?

I am not terribly out of shape, but after watching him work out (6 days a week, 2 times a day 4x a week) and eat the way he does not sure I am on the “all abs” 50 pull up bandwagon.

His work is settled down, or at least he handles it now with his fitness thing. Kids seem fine, he is not pushing any diet or workouts on us, not posting his transformation on social media; just seems like a major pivot and not sure what to expect next (if anything).

I am kind of dreading when we go to the pool this summer and I get asked what happened to him, or is that even is him.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Be supportive and proud of his focus. He chose to better himself vs self destructing. He could have gone off the rails many different ways. He picked a great way to handle what he was going through. Your post sounds a little insecure, work on yourself and you may have a different outlook on his transformation. I am not saying you need to replicate his intensity, just level up.

[Anonymous]

Weird post. Sounds like a troll flip on similar ozempic posts.

[Anonymous]

So your husband dealt with major stress by working out and is now in fantastic shape. You “dread” going to pool and having people ask you about him?? This sounds the first world problem of the first world problem.

Your husband is in fantastic shape and seems to handle it in a healthy manner. More than “enjoy” i am not sure what to say.

[Anonymous]

mid life crisis...watch out!

[Anonymous]

Be proud! “Yeah doesn’t he look amazing? I’m so proud of him!”

[Anonymous]

My DH got in the shape a few years ago. he is a bigger guy and is more of the Viking muscle look. Clearly defined muscles with PV plus six pack.

He definitely gets noticed at the beach, the pool and just running errands. I don’t mind, I know who’s going home with I know he is still very attracted to me. I also know our dynamic is not easily replicated.

[Anonymous]

How is he a fitness "model" if he's not posting anything about it? You sound jealous or insecure he's going to leave you. Instead of just being supportive you poopoo on his efforts. Disappointing.

[Anonymous]

We have friends like this. DH got in massively good shape. At first DW was not happy, but then she started getting in shape when kids left for college. She now looks amazing.

[Anonymous]

must be nice to not have a job.
That is a crap ton of time to spend working out.

[Anonymous]

DH got on the fitness wagon too. Runs, lifts, eats right, focuses on sleep, etc. etc. But he isn't the body type to show it, so no one can really tell. But he doesn't push it on the rest of us either, so its all good.

In other words, I think you are mostly worried about people thinking he looks better than you, right? It's not that he's fit, it's that people will notice, and you fear comparison. So it really isn't about him, it is about how you feel about yourself.

I think the only advice is either be happy as you are or change.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand the actual issue. Is it that he is super fit and you are not?

[Anonymous]

He's not pushing his approach on you; you don't mention the time commitment being a problem; he's not bragging about it online. So if none of those potential problems are the problem, what is the problem?

[Anonymous]

DH here: I wish I had the free time to workout like that. Young kids wreck your health.

[Anonymous]

I'm your husband in my marriage. Hit mid-40s, felt unsatisfied at work, one great kid but already looking at empty nesting, midlife malaise, etc. Have always exercised but started doing it more aggressively (6 days a week, lift heavy, really working out to build strength and endurance and not just to maintain weight.

It has been amazing for my life outlook and mental health. I feel so much better generally, wake up feeling good, eat healthier naturally because my body needs more protein and veggies and I just crave sweets less. Sex drive is up, better attitude at work.

Also less stressed about aging, and empty nest Now look forward to retirement, being able to travel with spouse and kid even into my 70s/80s. No longer feel the good part of my life is over, instead feel like I'm just getting to the best stuff now.

Have no desire to stray, my DH is my partner, no interest in starting over with someone else.

But sometimes it does feel like he wishes I'd work out less. Or feels like now there's pressure on him to workout more. I don't feel that way -- he is fit and exercises, as long as he is happy about himself, I'm happy. I just wanted to feel good in my own life and this has really helped me