Spouse turned fitness “model”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand the actual issue. Is it that he is super fit and you are not?

Yes, OP thinks he's out of her league now, and is worried he'll think the same.

[Anonymous]

The fitness is great. The time out of the house might become an issue for me - he's basically adopted a hobby that's so time-consuming you cannot possibly have the same amount of free time or CPS would be trying to figure out who lives with the kids in that house.

If you aren't bothered by how much time he's spending at the gym and are just feeling self-conscious to be less ripped than your partner, that's something you've got to deal with on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married almost 20 years, teens in HS.

All is relatively well until DH hit some major work stress and after a few months of being miserable/stressed turned to working out as his stress reliever. He was in average shape.

Great, beats drinking or other options.

About 8 months later or so he accomplished his goals (I guess? Seems to be a moving target) and he looks like a UFC fighter or something…he is all natural so no anger issues or anything but just really, really in shape now and pure muscle.

Has anyone gone through this? I thought it was a stress management thing and I was happy he found a healthy way out - but is the next step to realize I did not take this health/fitness journey with him and not at his level?

I am not terribly out of shape, but after watching him work out (6 days a week, 2 times a day 4x a week) and eat the way he does not sure I am on the “all abs” 50 pull up bandwagon.

His work is settled down, or at least he handles it now with his fitness thing. Kids seem fine, he is not pushing any diet or workouts on us, not posting his transformation on social media; just seems like a major pivot and not sure what to expect next (if anything).

I am kind of dreading when we go to the pool this summer and I get asked what happened to him, or is that even is him.

Thanks!

Wake up and smell the coffee!

[Anonymous]

Go to the gym OP. Find a workout that you enjoy too.

[Anonymous]

My DH is in incredible shape and I'm more average. I love that he looks amazing. I know it's not fair since I'm no prize, but I honestly wouldn't love it if he developed a gut. I'm so attracted to his hard abs and defined arms. I love that he takes such good care of himself. Don't feel threatened at all when people say how amazing he looks (I'm pretty, FWIW...but could stand to lose 5-10 lbs). He is really committed to his fitness regimen and I respect that. He also does whatever I need him to do so I can go to the gym, which I do...it's just that I love my treats while he is much more disciplined with his eating. Been like this for 20 years of marriage and working for us. I do think women have it easier. We've got boobs, legs and hips and men love those things so much it hardly matters if we also have a little gut and thigh going on.

[Anonymous]

Mid life crisis and no drinking is not worse than working out obsessively.

Being addicted to working out is a thing look it up.

Go to the gym and figure out who has motivated him to go so often, or track his phone texts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to the gym OP. Find a workout that you enjoy too.

Meh, fit guy here. Not attracted at all to the fit, athletic, yoga type.

Wife is healthy not skinny, not fat, not toned. Very, very attractive.

[Anonymous]

You mean you feel a little insecure?
I sympathize if you do. Try and workout to a level you're comfortable with.

And enjoy looking at your husband

[Anonymous]

OP: Are you concerned about your weight ?

Those addicted to working out do not necessarily want to be with a physical fitness model.

Does he love you ?

Is there intimacy in your relationship ?

[Anonymous]

How old are these husbands?

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who became extremely fit in our marriage. I had been very into fitness in college and right after and then got injured so kind of let it go. DH met me when I was just a stereotypical decently in shape 25 year old. At 40, I changed jobs and had a lot more free time and got back into fitness. I have never wanted to replace DH or not been attracted to him. I don't like the buff gym guys. I like that DH is a little soft. I'd say figure out ways to work on yourself. Your insecurity and fear is far more likely to cause issues than him being in shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:mid life crisis...watch out!

Friends DH went through this phase, they are divorced 2 years later. Long story short, he enjoys the new female attentions, she is uncomfortable, and it went downhill from there …

[Anonymous]

Usually it is the woman who gets super fit. I have many friends in their forties who have seemed to have gotten obsessed with their bodies. Some have gotten some surgery.

We have one friend whose husband recently went on ozempic and has lost a ton of weight. He has better grooming and is really taking care of himself. At the same time, his wife had gained a lot of weight and now they look like a mismatched couple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:mid life crisis...watch out!

This, have your eyes open to other changes.

[Anonymous]

First he spends too much time at the gym. I have not seen your sexy DH but 3 times a week is enough. I work out 3 times and I am kind of an introvert and don't like the attention on myself, but let's just say I am jacked.