Do you think people on a budget are less generous?

[Anonymous]

I have some friends who are not rich and not poor. They are MC/UMC. I know they plan and budget. I have noticed that some of these friends never host, never treat and never reciprocate. They do always pay their share, often want to itemize the bill and pay separately.

I have always been generous no matter my financial situation. I want to treat my friend for her birthday. If someone treats me, I treat or at least offer to buy the next time. I’m surprised at some people who NEVER reciprocate or offer to reciprocate.

Is this a personality trait? Or financial?

[Anonymous]

I think it's a personality trait. Some of the least generous people I know are total takers with tons of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have some friends who are not rich and not poor. They are MC/UMC. I know they plan and budget. I have noticed that some of these friends never host, never treat and never reciprocate. They do always pay their share, often want to itemize the bill and pay separately.

I have always been generous no matter my financial situation. I want to treat my friend for her birthday. If someone treats me, I treat or at least offer to buy the next time. I’m surprised at some people who NEVER reciprocate or offer to reciprocate.

Is this a personality trait? Or financial?

Some people avoid credit card debt and some just find hosting overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a personality trait. Some of the least generous people I know are total takers with tons of money.

Op here. The people I’m thinking about all live decently. I’m just surprised how many times they can be treated and paid for that they don’t reciprocate. Buy someone a coffee! The people I am thinking of I have known for years or even decades. They just never ever treat, don’t ever pick up a round of drinks, won’t give you a piece of gum. Maybe I’m exaggerating about the gum.

[Anonymous]

It’s anxiety inducing for some. I feel awkward when someone treats me to something and feel like I now owe them something and get stressed looking for an opportunity to treat them back. When it does come up, they decline and I don’t know if I should insist or let it go. I find hosting at my house stressful too. I have hosted a few dinners at my house but it’s been awhile. I get self conscious that I’m not being a good enough host or I forget something I was supposed to serve or worry that people are getting bored. I would much rather meet people out and split the bill. It’s not that I’m not generous, I always tip, give teachers gift cards etc. its just stressful. Please don’t take it the wrong way or personal.

[Anonymous]

Definitely a personality trait,

[Anonymous]

I'm on a budget and I know it seems to irritate people who love to spend.

We have only started making DC area salaries in the past five years and have lots of retirement savings to do in order not to eat cat food when we are 80.

OP, keep in mind you may have no idea what people's financial situation really is.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care?

[Anonymous]

Personality trait. Some of the most giving people are those that have the least. I think there is a level of empathy and appreciation for what the gift/money would mean to the other person that rich people either never knew or just forgot about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care?

Because it is starting to annoy me after always paying and never being even offered after years or decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care?

Because it is starting to annoy me after always paying and never being even offered after years or decades.

So stop. Dont be used anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care?

Of all of the things that people oddly care about on DCUM, this is by far one of the least egregious. OP is wondering why her friends are cheap as it relates to her. That seems reasonable to care about. I don't understand why people care about what state someone's license plate is from or how somebody may have gotten a scholarship to a particular college, but people on here seem to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care?

Of all of the things that people oddly care about on DCUM, this is by far one of the least egregious. OP is wondering why her friends are cheap as it relates to her. That seems reasonable to care about. I don't understand why people care about what state someone's license plate is from or how somebody may have gotten a scholarship to a particular college, but people on here seem to.

I have recently been reevaluating friendships. I can think of several people who are just takers.

One friend is generally vain and selfish. I know her husband and she often fight about money because she is a spender. She spends on herself. I have known her for a decade and have treated her countless times, had her family over many, many times and she has never bought me anything, not even a coffee.

Another friend we have hosted 50+ times. Sometimes they are over and we will DoorDash or get take out or Instacart and cook. Of course we don’t ask them to chip in since they are our guests. They never try to pick up a tab if we are out, can’t even buy my kid an ice cream. The husband has a senior position at a well respected tech company. He has to make at least 500k, more likely in seven figures with stock options. I’m beginning to think they are just really cheap and not generous.

Then there are the kids’ friends’ parents who never reciprocate but I won’t hold it against the kids. They are not my adult friends.

[Anonymous]

Personality trait for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personality trait. Some of the most giving people are those that have the least. I think there is a level of empathy and appreciation for what the gift/money would mean to the other person that rich people either never knew or just forgot about.

Agree. I grew up ALWAYS on a budget and the people we knew who were similarly situated I'm sure were more generous with a higher percentage of their income than the UMC peers I have now. That $25 donation meant a lot more to them but they were still willing to make it. Rich people can be super stingy. Poor people can be generous with what they have. It's personality/values.